Am I weird to feel guilty?

thebean2010

My MOH told me she is planning a shower for me, and requested input for the guest list.  I was really hoping for a shower, so I am very grateful and think it is awesome that she offered to do this! 

At first.  However, now that I'm thinking more about it, I'm starting to feel really guilty... I'm not used to being the center of attention, and I really don't want this to be a burden to her.   Especially financially... I understand that she offered voluntarily, but I still feel worried that she feels obligated since she is the MOH.   Did any of you have this problem?   I'm kinda embarrassed that she would go to a lot of trouble and expense to throw me a party-- should I tell her not to bother?  Or how can I tell her that it doesn't have to be fancy or anything?  I know I'm not supposed to be involved in planning it.  I guess I like the idea of a shower, but I don't want anyone to have to go to any trouble, lol! 

blacktopaz32

i feel the exact same way. i don't like being the center of everything lol. it's not weird. you are just humble. so its a good thing

kgorman307

If she is offering to host a shower, she will plan one she can afford. Showers don't have to be super expensive; she may be planning something at her house and preparing the food herself. I don't think you should say anything about not needing it to be fancy, because she may not take the comment as you intended it. If it were a burden, she would not have offered.

Just send her your list and if you're concerned about keeping it intimate, keep the list small (just your family and closest friends, not every female on the wedding guest list). And enjoy the nice thing your MOH is doing for you, it's becuase she loves you.

thebean2010

I guess I was worried about imposing on other people... I'm used to accomodating everybody else, rather than the other way around.  But you guys are right, I should relax and enjoy it.  I didn't know if it was just me who felt like that!

jessicabessica

Like PPs, I don't like being the center of attention, and I felt bad about dragging all the shower attendants to a party all for me (I know, I know, they didn't have to come).  I was hesitant to accept the shower, but my aunt really wanted to throw one for me, and it ended up being nice (although the present-opening part is awkward).  So, I don't think you're weird. 

thebean2010

I think we're having a couples shower (I hope!), so FI will be there to share the spotlight, thank goodness.  I still feel anxious about MOH spending money on this for me, but at least everyone won't be staring at me alone opening presents and things-- I would feel really awkward without FI there with me!  The thing is, I'm really excited about our families getting together and having a chance to spend time with everyone before the wedding, so it should be a lot of fun once I get more comfortable with the idea. 

thebean2010

And thanks, ladies... it is nice to know I'm not the only one!

erinkathleen512

It's wonderful how humble you are being, but don't feel guilty about anything. Weddings bring out the best in some people (and the worst in others, but let's forget that for the moment, lol). She is happy to do it for you. Personally, I love throwing parties for people, regardless of budget. I understand a little about how you feel. I felt badly about my registry at first- I felt that it was too expensive. My friends assured me that it was a typical registry. Now, after having received some gifts, I can't believe some people's generosity. I guess it happen directly to me for me to believe it- but it's true. People love you, and want to celebrate this wonderful time in your life. So, try to enjoy it- the time will FLY by

[Deleted User]

I had the exact same feelings and told MOH that I didn't want a shower to begin with.  The more we talked about it though she kind of convinced me that it was part of the whole wedding experience and that I should have one.  So she's planning it- it will be small and I'm going to get her a nice hostess gift

ajroark

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_am-weird-feel-guilty?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:1db14d91-066b-4f29-a79e-acbe7bc6d906Post:e650c893-eece-4214-9523-f854b0ae9269">Re: Am I weird to feel guilty?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's wonderful how humble you are being, but don't feel guilty about anything. Weddings bring out the best in some people (and the worst in others, but let's forget that for the moment, lol). She is happy to do it for you. Personally, I love throwing parties for people, regardless of budget. I understand a little about how you feel. I felt badly about my registry at first- I felt that it was too expensive. My friends assured me that it was a typical registry. Now, after having received some gifts, I can't believe some people's generosity. I guess it happen directly to me for me to believe it- but it's true. People love you, and want to celebrate this wonderful time in your life. So, try to enjoy it- the time will FLY by :)
Posted by erinkathleen512[/QUOTE]

I like this answer. :)

RivelAmy

OP,

I think many of us on here feel the same way you do. Many of the women on this board are providers/the oldest sibling/overall humble people and are not used to anyone planning such a big event and spending a lot of money on them.

When my WP told me that they want to throw me a shower and asked for the womens' addresses for invites, I cut down the list for them. I politely told them that out of state guests, "courtesy" invites, my parent's work friends, and other women I'm not really close to don't have to be invited. I sent them out a lengthy email saying that I have NO expectations and that anything they can manage and afford is greatly appreciated. I have absolutely no vision of what this shower should be in my head, and would be just as happy with something small and simple.

I also felt awkward registering for gifts, so my original list was very small and inexpensive. My stepmother called and told me to add to it because I was being unrealistic and "forgetting" many household essentials! (my FI and I don't live together yet, so basically have nothing for our future home lol)

So in short, just graciously accept and if you want to, call/email them and let them know how thankful you are for whatever they can do.

thesupernovagirl

I feel a little guilty as well.  However, I don't feel guilty for getting people together.  That is what is important to me.  I could care less about gifts and getting things.  I care that the people I love would be there for me just like I would be there for them  I would want it to be about having fun.  I wouldn't want the focus to be on me per se.  I'd want it to be family and friends getting together having some yummy snacks and being part of eachothers lives/ dreams.  It's okay to endulge in that and enjoy it : )