Pre-wedding Parties

Please help - Am I being ridiculous??

Re: Please help - Am I being ridiculous??

  • edited December 2011
    A shower is a not a huge occasion, a wedding is. A shower is great and all, but I mean, at the end of the day it's just a party just to give you gifts.I can understand being bummed, but doubting frienships is a bit over the top.

    I especially don't understand judging someone for attending her grandfather's birthday. You don't know how old he is or how many more birthdays he'll be around.  Regardless  of why they don't attend, sometimes people already have plans, do you expect them to cancel them for a shower?



  • edited December 2011
    I can understand that you're bummed.  I certainly was disappointed when several people were unable to attend my shower.  One of them I think even lied about going away for the weekend when in actuality she didn't go away.  Whatever, it's not a relationship ender.  Like I said, I understand you're disappointed, but it's completely up to your friends whether they want to attend your shower.  Attendance isn't mandatory. For me, I would do my best to attend a friend's shower, but not everyone thinks it is a huge occassion.  You just have to respect their decision -- you don't have to like it.  All you can do is be a little upset and move on.

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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    It's fine to be bummed but I think you're pushing it.  Actually, I know you're pushing it.

    Things will come up that will be more important than your shower.  The birthday of a family member may be one of those things.   You know these people aren't attending and you need to let it go.  The invitation wasn't a subpoena.

    What you're asking is for your friends to pull themselves thin.  They picked one event to attend that day and not two.  You shouldn't even judge their priorities.  It's fine to be hurt but you're venturing far into the rude territory when you want to tell someone that you should matter more than a grandparent or significant other.
  • LindsayM123LindsayM123 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am having the same issue, I planned my bridal shower about 4 months ago & now no one wants has RSVP-ed & one of my best friends isn't coming, even though I had her bachelorette party & bridal shower at my house & made sure everything was as perfect as I could make it for her. It feels like no one thinks the wedding is important. I'm frustrated with my friends & definitely feel your pain. Mine is this weekend as well & I think its too late to cancel what we were going to do. I guess a Champagne Brunch will be fun with my sister, Mom, Aunt & future sister in law..............
  • edited December 2011
    Well I think you are going a little over the top, but I understand why you are upset.

    However think of this.  Will these people be at your wedding?  Most likely and that is MORE imporant then the shower.

    Last night my Grandmother told my mom that if my younger cousins (highschool age) werent invited to the shower or wedding, that she isnt coming either.  So think of how that would make you feel?  Long story short, the younger cousins are now invited, but they are the ONLY exception Im making.   AND then my grandmas tells my mom that they probably wont even come.  OMG then why are you making it a big deal?  LOL Gotta love my crazy family.
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  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Yes, you are being ridiculous and selfish.

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  • uwf_cole23uwf_cole23 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I understand why you're bummed, but I wouldn't call these lame excuses. They may not be important to you but they obviously are more important to them then going to your shower. It's not like they aren't coming to the wedding .. they may just not want to sit there, play games, watch you open presents and ooohhhh ahhhh. =P
  • ShakeUpTampaShakeUpTampa member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_please-help1am-being-ridiculous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:1e46db1d-396c-4ae1-9af4-0370904b319dPost:63578bfe-a117-42b9-a27f-55024bdda13c">Re: Please help - Am I being ridiculous??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am having the same issue, I planned my bridal shower about 4 months ago & now no one wants has RSVP-ed & one of my best friends isn't coming, even though I had her bachelorette party & bridal shower at my house & made sure everything was as perfect as I could make it for her. It feels like no one thinks the wedding is important. I'm frustrated with my friends & definitely feel your pain. Mine is this weekend as well & I think its too late to cancel what we were going to do. I guess a Champagne Brunch will be fun with my sister, Mom, Aunt & future sister in law..............
    Posted by LindsayM123[/QUOTE]


    #1, you are not supposed to plan your own shower. Tacky and gift grabby.


    OP you are being ridiculous. It is NOT a huge day. I know for a fact my grandmother won't come but will send a gift (She hates baby and bridal showers and thinks they are a waste of TIME) always has..she said hers was the worst day of her life...she hated the attention. My mother may bow out due to the location being at my church. She does not share the same beliefs. She may come..we shall see. If people don't come...oh well. THEIR LOSS. My MOH is throwing a great shindig with a cute theme and lots of unique things most of our friends would love. I'm not going to WHINE and throw a hissy fit if some people don't show. If they didn't show to your wedding, perhaps feel shafted but at this point. Feel blessed they are your friends.
    Nichole Tampa, FL BabyFetus Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_please-help1am-being-ridiculous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:1e46db1d-396c-4ae1-9af4-0370904b319dPost:ad5cb1f1-d4cb-43a0-b4e0-14f67fe1d208">Please help - Am I being ridiculous??</a>:
    [QUOTE]My bridal shower is this weekend. I have multiple friends, including one of my best friends, who can't go due to what I consider lame excuses: for one her family is celebrating her grandpa's birthday, for another it's her boyfriend's brithday, another has a fundraiser. I am very hurt and angry that they are not attending. Most of my friends are married with kids and I've gone to EVERY single one of their bridal showers, rehearsal dinners, weddings, housewarming parties, baby showers, first birthdays. I've never asked them to do anything like this for me other than 1 birthday party I had 4 years ago. <strong>Am I being ridulous for being SO angry and incredibly hurt that my "good" friends aren't attending my bridal showers for reasons like it's their grandpa's/boyfriend's birthdays?</strong> On a Sunday afternoon? Is it unrealistic for me to expect that they would want to be there for me for this huge occasion when I've been there for all of them? <strong>Am I ridiculous for doubting how real of friends they are for not attending my bridal shower?
    </strong>Posted by tmarie782[/QUOTE]

    Yes, you are being ridiculous.

    <p>Several of my aunts did not come to my shower. (I have no idea what their other plans were but that is their business.) Two of my bridesmaids couldn't make it, and my nana didn't make it because she was not feeling well. I am not mad or hurt that any of these people didn't make it because showers are not a big deal.
    </p>
  • edited December 2011
    A bridal shower is not a Huge deal. It's a party to get the bride gifts. Your friends have lives and people they love. To ask one to blow off her grandfathers birthday is completely out of line. To just breeze through on her way back from your party is insulting to the grandfather. You can totally throw a fit, tell your friends they don't care if they don't give up their plans to watch you open gifts, and explain to all those that show up why you are so miserable. But just know you will be the one that looks like a spoiled best who didn't get to be the center of everyone's attention.

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  • edited December 2011
    WOW!  Get over yourself.  The world does not revolve around YOUR wedding.
    Personally I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself and wonder why you are acting so entitled.  And don't remove your post just because you don't like the responses your getting, its immature.
  • annieb00annieb00 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ^ That's rude.
    I can understand that you'd be upset. I know that some of the people I'm going to invite are going to blow me off. Some people don't feel the need to buy you a gift, come to the shower, and then have something else for your wedding, AND go to that as well.
    You're fine. It's about your wedding anyway. You can act however you want.
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_please-help1am-being-ridiculous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:1e46db1d-396c-4ae1-9af4-0370904b319dPost:130ead3c-021b-45a3-9921-c28e347308bc">Re: Please help - Am I being ridiculous??</a>:
    [QUOTE]^ That's rude. I can understand that you'd be upset. I know that some of the people I'm going to invite are going to blow me off. Some people don't feel the need to buy you a gift, come to the shower, and then have something else for your wedding, AND go to that as well. You're fine. <strong>It's about your wedding anyway. You can act however you want.</strong>
    Posted by annieb00[/QUOTE]

    No you can't.
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