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Pre-wedding Parties
What to call it? Need a FUN name!
My IL-s to be are throwing us a party rather than a rehersal dinner. It is mostly so they can have all of their friends come celebrate with us and them. We don't know the friends and they have a LOT of them. We are having a smaller wedding and their friends know this. But it means a lot to his Mom and her friends for everyone to get together. We are more than happy to have everyone around for dinner and drinks by the pool. It will have a upscale beachy feel to it. While it isn't a rehersal dinner....(although it is after the rehersal), we have no clue what to call it...We want to call it something FUN... but my mind is blank... HELP HELP HELP!!! ThanksCat
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Re: What to call it? Need a FUN name!
[QUOTE]@SimplyFated, thanks for the lesson. But <strong>We are going to do it our way</strong> and are still looking for a fun name. <strong>Not everything fits into a neat little box. </strong>When we revealed that our wedding would be small and limited to about 75 people. MIL's friend's who are very generous and open people wanted a chance to celebrate with her and us. They happen to live at our "DESTINATION". So everyone got together and suggested a big party the same week as the wedding and MIL offered to pay for it instead of the rehearsal dinner, since we didn't really want one of those per say. MIL would like a theme and something fun to call it... so I am trying to oblige and figure something out.
Posted by BeachBride310[/QUOTE]
I am glad someone else understands this. I am in a somewhat similiar position.
I agree with just calling it a party...I guess I can't think of anything else it would be...
I do have a question, though...is everyone involved in the wedding going to be invited to this party, too, since it's after the rehearsal?
In your situation, your FMIL's friends have suggested having a party to celebrate. That 's fine. Let them plan whatever they like. And they can call it whatever they like. The problem is your FMIL has decided to host it, in lieu of an RD. And she wants to make it a pre-wedding event. This is starting to sound more like an A list/ B list situation, where some guests are not good enough to be invited to the main event.
Simply Fated offered a good suggestion - have a party. Call it a cocktail party, barbeque or clambake. Don't call it Beach Bride and Groom's B list Bash or anything that relates to your wedding.
So, if those who are at the rehearsal are invited to your FMIL's party, then it becomes your rehearsal dinner, which is a pre-wedding party, and everyone invited to pre-wedding parties must also be invited to the wedding. So if you do it this way, then you need to add all these people to your wedding guest list. It's only proper.
If these friends of your FMIL want to throw you a party, that's fine, there's no problem with that. But the moment your FMIL offered to pay, it became a wedding related event. She should have kept her mouth shut and let them host, and you'd all be in the clear etiquette wise. But, she's turned this into something you didn't want it to be, and now you're stuck.
But if you're going to do it your way regardless of what we say, why did you post it? We aren't going to tell you the proper way to do something rude.
I do think that if you are having a rehersal, then those people need to be included in this get together. It is a nice gesture to thank those who attend the rehersal by offering them dinner.
As far as a theme, I don't really have any suggestions but I saw someone mention a clambake. That would be fun and ties in to your wedding theme. A luau would also be fun. Both themes are fun events that could be casual and laidback or more dressed up affairs. Neither one has to scream "wedding".
My question to you is if you can afford to host this party for everyone before the wedding, why not spend that money and , I don't know, invite them to the actual wedding?
What you are proposing is the epitome of rude, tacky and tasteless behavior. If you invited me to a pre-wedding event and not the actual wedding, I would re-evaluate our relationship real fast. It would most likely end with me having one less friend.
[QUOTE]Beach Banquet or Sand Soiree
Posted by CassieeK[/QUOTE]
<div>Those are cute. If the other people said that they <em>wanted</em> to do a party, why is it her fault its a faux paus? 90% of the guests will be not invited to the wedding (knowingly) so how is it awkward? Oh well...</div>
http://rusticweddingsc.weebly.com/
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to call it? Need a FUN name! : Those are cute. If the other people said that they wanted to do a party, why is it her fault its a faux paus? 90% of the guests will be not invited to the wedding (knowingly) so how is it awkward? Oh well...
Posted by morenachica110[/QUOTE]
It is awkward, because it is a rude thing to invite people to ANY pre-wedding event and then not extend an invite to them. It is gift-grabby and second-class. Unless she polls every single person that she is inviting to this thing and they are good with it, it is her faux pas. Even if she does ask and everyone says it is fine, no one is going to tell her the truth about how they really feel. No one wants to tell a bride that her idea is crappy.
Put it in this perspective. You have a dinner party for the holidays, but you only have room at your table for 10 people. You have more than 10 friends that you want to invite, so you invite 50 people over for cocktails and snacks. Some bring a bottle of wine as a hostess gift or a Christmas present. Good time had by all. At promptly 8:00 you tell 40 guests they have to leave because you are about to serve dinner and you don't have enough to go around. That is essentially what is going on here. Would you do that? So, why would you do it for your wedding?
This is entirely OP's and her mother's fault and it should not happen under any circumstance. If I did not get an invite to a wedding because of a budget, I would understand. If I got an invite to a "sand soiree" the night before only, I would seriously judge the class level of the bride, groom and their families and I would reconsider our friendship.
To PP's attacking this poor lady for asking a simple question, shame on you for chastising her. Why take the time to answer a post if you have no intention of helping the OP with her question? BTW, this is not the etiquette board. Just sayin...
[QUOTE]You could call it blowout at the beach, beach blowout, starlight soiree, or beach bash. You could call it a luau if it is themed as such. It would be really fun to hand out some shell leis and have little umbrellas in the drinks. :) Personally, I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing especially since it wasn't even your idea and your MIL is the one throwing it. (Next time you a have a question, you may want to just google, so you don't have to deal with people attacking you. LOL.) Have fun!!! <strong>To PP's attacking this poor lady for asking a simple question, shame on you for chastising her. Why take the time to answer a post if you have no intention of helping the OP with her question? BTW, this is not the etiquette board. Just sayin...
</strong>Posted by agladhill[/QUOTE]
No one is attacking her. We are trying to help her not make a ginormous blunder and be the laughing stock of her circle of family and friends. Wouldn't you want someone to tell you that you had toilet paper stuck to your shoe or would you rather walk around all day while people pointed and snickered?
Welcome to the internet. We don't sugar coat anything here. If you want rainbows and glitter, you might find that other sites will offer that to you. We are candid. We are honest. We are helpful. Sometimes we have to be forward with someone, but that is usually because they are way off base and tell us to suck it when we don't validate them, much like OP did.
You are right. This is not the etiquette board. The beauty of etiquette is that the rules are the same no matter what board you are one, where you live in the country, or what time of year it is. Etiquette rules are a constant. They do not change. People try to distort them to fit their situation or preference. That does not make the "new" rule so. The beauty of these forums is that we don't sit back and snicker because someone is about to make a huge faux pas. We tell them they have TP stuck to their shoe.