Pre-wedding Parties

Engagement Parties - sortta throwing it ourselves?

Hi - I'm newly engaged and both families (in two different states) want to throw engagement parties. Because this involves two different parties, coordinating dates and schedules, and everyone being so careful to only do what my fiance and I want, I've loosely been give control over both engagement parties. While i'm thankful that they want my opinion on everything (really, I am), I keep finding conflicting advice online and here.

Is it really so horrible that I'm throwing these parties? His grandparents offered their house, but didn't offer to throw/plan it, so we are planning one there. My grandmother and mother (in a different state than me now) are waiting on me to pick a date/location, and while they will do the food, they aren't planning anything else. For both of these, I'll be incharge of getting invites out, planning any games/music (dunno if that's happening), any organizational things, and desserts (I'm known for making cakes, so i'll be making my own engagement party cakes and couldn't be more excited).
But then i'm seeing everywhere how "horrible" "rude" and "childish" it is to plan an engagement party for your self. We just want everyone to come over and have a fun time. Nothing more. We aren't registering yet (we may before the actual party, but we don't expect anything). We aren't throwing anything expensive (really, how expensive can $5 pizzas get...) and we aren't asking anyone to pay for anything other than just showing up and the gas to drive to the locations. These parties will be for family and friends to just come and be happy for us. Both families normally throw holiday gatherings that are even more involved and bigger than the engagement parties, so i'm not seeing the big deal with me planning it. In fact, before reading things online/in books/talking to people, I mostly assumed the couple organizes the engagement party (with their parents input).

Any 1. Advice on not seeming "rude" or anything else because we are hosting and 2. Ideas on how to handle any one who may see it as rude?


Re: Engagement Parties - sortta throwing it ourselves?

  • I don't see a problem with holding it yourselves. That is what we plann on doing because we want to introduce both our familys and our friends to eachother. We are doing it more as a "everyone get together so yall can meet eachother before the planning and coordinating the wedding gets underway.
  • Eh, I don't think it's a big deal. Like a PP said, you're not really "hosting", just helping others out with the planning.

    You could be like us and just crash someone else's LOL My cousin planned hers around when we would be visiting in Indiana last summer for the Saturday before we drove back to Massachusetts. Funny enough, my now husband proposed the Wednesday before the party! So it turned into a double engagment party, and they got us a cake too :) There were no presents involved from anyone. Our family has never really done engagement parties, so it was looked at more as a cookout/pool party at her house.
  • Honestly in my opinion, every one is soooo worried about etiquette and the "right" way of doing things. It's your day!!! :) Your family asked for a little help because it seems they feel lost, and there is no reason to worry about what everyone else thinks. You're not throwing it for the wrong reasons, i.e. you want it exactly the way YOU want it, and bridezilla like. ha So go on and enjoy yourself with you fam. If you want to call it a couple celebration or something other than an engagement party to ease the minds of everyone that's ok too. Have fun and make that cake that everyone will love love love. It's your celebration. :)
  • even if you were hosting - who cares? Just have your party whether you do it others do it -
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