Paying for a shower

sb716

Ok here's my dilemma.  I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. There are two MOH (maid & matron) and they have planned a shower for the bride. Beyond asking for dates we were availble, they pretty much cut all the other bridesmaids out of the planning process, and their names are on the invite as hosts.  To me, thats absolutely fine if they wanted to be the ones to host her shower. In fact, another bridesmaid and I have decided to go in together and host a lingerie shower of sorts for the bride.  (I just got married a couple months ago and I appreciated that people threw me multiple showers, it made the whole celebration seem longer and more fun, so I want her to have as many parties as possible).

Anyway, now 1 week away from the shower the MOHs contact the rest of the bridesmaids and kind of fill us in on the plans and let us know what food & alcohol we need to bring and, oh yeah as I side note, you each owe 60 bucks!!!  That's before food, alcohol and decorations!  The other bridesmaid I've been speaking to, like me is shocked. I've never heard of such a thing.  I am more than happy to bring food and drinks to help out, but I just don't have the extra funds to suddenly help them pay for this lavish shower they've planned, without ever asking if I'd be willing to help with it ahead of time. It's just not in my budget.


Help!

banana468

Tell them what you can do.  Just say, "Ouch.  I wish you'd asked me what my budget was before.  I can certainly do X though.  What time should I be there?"

CassieeK

I agree with Banana.  It was unfair of them to take charge and make it clear they are the hosts of this shower, not ask your budget, and then tell you what you need to pitch in.

Summer2011Bride

It was definitely their mistake not keeping you all filled in and even asking if you wanted to help host/pay for things. Definitely do not feel bad for not wanting/affording to.

If you can bring snacks/drinks to help out, I might do that, but that's b/c I would probably offer regardless. I would just say, "Gee, I'm really sorry but you didn't keep me filled in on what was going on, and since you two are hosting, I figured you had it covered. I really wish you would have asked my budget first b/c there is just no way I can afford $60. I can, however, bring a couple dishes to pass." Then end it. Don't let her badmouth you or try to guilt you into anything.

rachaelgettingmarried

I totally agree that was very inappropriate for them to spring it on you. If you can afford to help them out with drinks and food etc that would be a nice gesture, but I certainly wouldn't feel guilted into it.

sb716

Thanks for all your replies ladies.  In the end, I told them I would be more than happy to bring a dish and beverage (which I would have offered to do anyhow).  They haven't replied.  I truly hope this doesn't put them in a bind, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone in thinking this was completely unusual and inappropriate way to go about things.

angel101798

I agree with everyone else, just tell her/them that you are hosting another shower and can't contribute to theirs.  If they wanted you to help then they should have talked to you long before ordering the invitations.  Throwing this at you at the last minute is rude and I've been seeing a lot of other BM's with the same - and justifiable - complaints on other boards.  It's bad manners on their part, don't let yourself feel guilty.