Pre-wedding Parties

Bridesmaids can't plan bachelorette party

My cousin, who is my maid of honor, requested that I ask one of my other bridesmaids to plan the bachelorette party because she is more of a party person. So she has been trying to get the other bridesmaids together to plan the party but none of them can agree on a date to meet up or agree on what to do. In her frustration, she asked me to pass the party planning duties to my other cousin who is another bridesmaid. She wants to do a party bus wine tasting tour one weekend and then go clubbing the next weekend. But, she told ME to call the party bus company and set everything up for the wine tasting. She told ME to tell everyone about the plans for clubbing and my other bridesmaid said she didn't like any of the clubs my cousin suggested. I feel like I am now planning my own party and relaying the messages between my bridesmaids. I am already stressed out about the wedding because it is only a little over a month away. All I wanted was someone to step up and plan something, like what my fiance's groomsmen did for his bachelor party. One of his groomsmen gathered all the phone numbers and told them what they were doing, what time, and where and they had a great time. Am I asking for too much? Am I making this too much of an issue? What should I do?

Re: Bridesmaids can't plan bachelorette party

  • edited December 2011
    My first thought... Why in the world would your bachelorette party consist of 2 weekends? One weekend is tough enough to get people together, let alone 2.
    2nd thought... If they ask for your help on something, fine. But you should not plan it. If they are unable to plan a party, then you don't get a bachelorette party. They aren't required to get married.
    [IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/350rxx5.jpg[/IMG]
  • edited December 2011
    i feel like i am planning my own. my bridesmaids have not helped one little bit with the wedding/partys nothing. me and my mom did my bridal shower. my maid of honer showed up when the party started.
    it sucks'
  • NikkiPHNICNikkiPHNIC member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know a party is not required but it's something that THEY want to do for me but I'm the one planning it. I feel like I should just sit back and relax and if it happens, it happens. If not, then it's fine.
  • mag326mag326 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Im the MOH for my sisters wedding in Nov &im planning everything. Bridal shower & bachelorette party as well. I'm paying for everything as well. Here in TX the MOH is responisible for making the bride is not stressed bout anything. So I think ur wedding party needs to pull it together & leave u out of it. Thats suppose to be a fun nite out & even a surprise for u. Goodness...I wish u the best of luck on ur situation.
  • JCM10JCM10 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If no one plans a party, you just don't have one. Don't stress yourself out about it, it's not your job (and your life will be fine if you don't have a bparty!)
  • jmcgonagjmcgonag member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel the same way! I have one bridesmaid who is mad b.c the rest suck. they arnt helping me do anything and when it comes to partys ha right! My MOH doesnt want to do anything but show up and walk down the alise it bull. if i had more time i would fix this probelm... if your gonna be the MOH step up and do you duties....
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridesmaids-cant-plan-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:21f2ec53-4f7f-4fbe-bbc9-f7b8cb2e598fPost:64175a24-a4f5-4a3f-92f0-171716e94384">Re: Bridesmaids can't plan bachelorette party</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel the same way! I have one bridesmaid who is mad b.c the rest suck. they arnt helping me do anything and when it comes to partys ha right!<strong> My MOH doesnt want to do anything but show up and walk down the alise it bull.</strong> if i had more time i would fix this probelm... if your gonna be the MOH step up and do you duties....
    Posted by jmcgonag[/QUOTE]

    <div>And with the attitude you have, I would say that you are fortunate if your MOH does that much.  Her only "duties" are exactly what you described - show up in a dress and walk down the aisle.  Your MOH and BMs are not your minions.  They are not required to help you plan anything.</div><div>
    </div><div>If they are able to throw a shower or bachelorette party for you, that's great.  If not, then you'll have to go without.</div>
  • edited December 2011
    Actually the MOH has a list of "duties" as well as the other BMs - they aren't there just to show up and look pretty in pictures! They are supposed to be there to help you through the entire wedding planning process. Lean on your mom if your bridal party isn't doing what you want... even The Knot's listed out the MOH resposibilities: 

    Q.

    What exactly are the wedding responsibilities of the maid of honor?

    A.

     

    Here's what the MOH is primarily responsible for:

     

    Planning one or more showers for the bride, with the help of the other bridesmaids and/or the bride's mother, sisters, etc.
    Helping the bride choose her dress and shopping for bridesmaid dresses.
    Making sure the bridesmaids all go for their dress fittings and get everything they need for the big day.
    Lending an ear when the bride wants to/needs to vent, whether it be about her mother-in-law to-be or the fact that the napkins don't exactly match the tablecloths.
    Generally keeping the bride sane during wedding planning.
    Making sure the bridesmaids know where they need to be and at what time on the big day.
    At the ceremony, standing next to the bride while she exchanges vows and holding her bouquet during the ring part of things.
    The MOH may also hold onto the groom's wedding band for the bride (although the best man has traditionally taken care of both bands).
    She may stand in the receiving line.
    Bustling the bride's train for the party.
    At the reception, she's often announced along with the best man.
    She may dance with the best man during or after the couple's first dance.
    Generally keeping the bride sane during the wedding itself.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridesmaids-cant-plan-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:21f2ec53-4f7f-4fbe-bbc9-f7b8cb2e598fPost:4aad8248-bd30-4566-b905-ce39937f4282">Re: Bridesmaids can't plan bachelorette party</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaids can't plan bachelorette party : What?  A website run by the wedding industry, who's entire profits rest on making as much money as possible for their advertising clients, has a list up trying to convince you that your BMs have to do more/buy more/spend more money with businesses (like those advertising clients) in order to be 'good' BMs?  Who would have guessed it???
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div><span class="Apple-style-span">Wow, crazy, I know but it's supposed to be an honor to be in a bridal party! jmcgonag </span><span class="Apple-style-span">shouldn't have to deal with a MOH that just wants to show up and walk down the aisle. There's a reason there's an HONOR attached to the Maid of Honor position - everyone knows it's MORE than just showing up.</span></div><div>
    </div><div>Back to the original post: NikkiPHNIC didn't ASK them for the party, they were already planning to have one but now she's been thrown into this middle-man position of relaying messages from the MOH to the other BMs about the party.</div><div>
    </div><div>Some people just aren't planners NikkiPHNIC - it sucks that you've been put into this situation a month before your wedding. I would talk to your MOH and/or entire bridal party and tell her/them that you need help - that you're too stressed and busy finalizing your wedding plans to take this on as well. Maybe suggest instead of two weekends, try doing it the same day? I just went to a bridal shower/bachelorette party planned by the MOH but the date, theme of shower and restaurant/bar were all discussed with the Bride - there were a few people who could make the entire day so some came for the shower and others came later for the bachelorette party. This helps cut down any travel costs for friends out of town and then you get two parties in one day! It'd be great if it were as easy as a Bachelor Party - those guys seem to have it down - but gathering a bunch of girls, whether you're the bride, MOH or BMs, is always a bitch to find the perfect time! Everyone wants a say, has a different idea or can't make whatever day you choose!! Good luck!</div><div>
    </div>
  • jmcgonagjmcgonag member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridesmaids-cant-plan-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:21f2ec53-4f7f-4fbe-bbc9-f7b8cb2e598fPost:3776bf21-b9d9-4494-8a2b-8e367a9c22b4">Re: Bridesmaids can't plan bachelorette party</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaids can't plan bachelorette party :<strong> And with the attitude you have, I would say that you are fortunate if your MOH does that much.  Her only "duties" are exactly what you described - show up in a dress and walk down the aisle.  Your MOH and BMs are not your minions. </strong> They are not required to help you plan anything. If they are able to throw a shower or bachelorette party for you, that's great.  If not, then you'll have to go without.
    Posted by impslave[/QUOTE]

    I dont have an attitude but it is their duties to help the bride plan... when i have to phyisically deliver their dresses to them and do everything for my own wedding b/c they are too lazy that makes me mad!  I dont know where your getting that they are suppose to help... then what is the point of having them??? they can plan one they are just lazy... if money or time was an issue i would understand but its not... please see the post below yours she explains the duties very welll....
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  • NikkiPHNICNikkiPHNIC member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the help, everyone! We decided to just go out on the town for one evening, about two weeks before the wedding. Some other friends that are not in the wedding party decided to help out. This is what I have learned: Don't EXPECT your bridesmaids to do things for you. Yes, they were chosen for a reason, but there are other people not in the wedding party that will help too Smile
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