To Shower or Not to Shower?

Meggie76

I am MOH for a bride who is having a destination wedding.  Only a select few are attending the wedding, however there will be a reception a month after in the couples hometown.  The Bride wants to have a Shower, which I would normally be more than happy to throw for her.  However, I'm worried that it is innappropriate for her to expect gifts (her only reason for wanting a shower - by her own words) from people who aren't even invited to the wedding. 

She claims that they ARE invited.  However, she isn't actually sending out invitations and to the best of my knowledge, she hasn't verbally invited most of them either.  I know the goal is to make her feel pampered and loved, but is this appropriate?  She won't be embarrassed, but as the hostess, I am a bit.  Does the post wedding reception make up for not being invited to the wedding?  I know she will expect gifts to that as well.

Thoughts?

trix1223

I say no shower.  IMO, invited means a formal invitation to the ceremony is mailed to the invitee.

Grown ups realize that when they make choices, there are always consequences to their decision.  It's your friend's decision to have a very small DW.  And that means that you forgo, IMO, some of the other parts of a wedding:  including pre-wedding parties.

From your description, your friend sounds very, very gift grabby.  And I'm quite sure I wouldn't want to be the person who enables that.

Haylie04

I think it would be fine to have a small shower, since the bride is so set on it, but ONLY inviting people you know are coming to the wedding.  A small party may make the bride happy but will avoid the embaressment and faux-pas.

banana468

Some will say that if you're having a post-DW reception then you can invite people to the shower.  IMO, that's just not a nice thing to do. 

I'd tell her, "I need a list of people you're actually inviting to the real wedding before I can put a shower together for you."

PeonyPrincesskdd

No shower for the bride.  That is it.  If she doesn't invite these people to the wedding, she doesn't get a shower.  That is how it's done with DW's.  If you choose an untraditional wedding such as a destination wedding then you can't expect the other traditional aspects of a wedding like showers.

Also, speaking of destination weddings, I had NO idea what a destination wedding was about 2 years ago.  One day I was working, in like 2008 and a co-worker was getting married and I said oh where are you having the reception at and she said "I'm having a destination wedding" and I said what is that?? ( Really I had No Clue).. and she explained.

This whole DW thing must be a new thing, therefore it's not traditional and if she doesn't have a wedding in which she invites everyone, she can't invite these people to the shower.