Pre-wedding Parties

Pre-Wedding Party with No Name

My future Mother-in-Law has kindly slimmed down her invite list since my side is so large and as a result she wants to throw an Engagement Party at home in Virginia for all her extended family and friends that aren't invited to the wedding in Tampa (Nov 2011). We are already having an Engagement Party thrown for us in Tampa in Feb by one of my family friends. The question here is that I don't know what kind of party this is. Is it okay to have 2 engagement parties? Or is this a shower? They say not to invite people to a shower that aren't invited to your wedding. Maybe this is a reception....but we are not married yet....it will take place 5 months before the wedding.

Help! I don't know what to call this party!

Re: Pre-Wedding Party with No Name

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I don't think anyone should be invited to a pre-wedding event that isn't invited to the wedding. This includes showers and engagement parties.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Poor form.  If your FMIL is throwing you an e-party, then all those guests really should be on the wedding guest list as well.

    It can't be a shower and include people who are not going to be invited to the wedding.  And it can't be a "reception" if it's happening 5 months before your ceremony.

    Just tell your FMIL that you're uncomfortable having any wedding related function that would include people not invited to the ceremony. 

    If she'd like to have a BBQ and invite friends and family, you'll be there.  But if it's wedding related in any way, shape, or form you'll have to decline.

    Not everything between now and your wedding day has to be about the wedding.  It's fine to have a 4th of July picnic that is just an Independence Day get together, after all.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    I would call it a really bad iead. You should absolutely not be having a party of any kind for people who aren't invited to your wedding. You need to explain how rude this is your FMIL and decline this party.

    If she wants to throw a party and have all her friends over, that's okay, but don't associate it with the wedding at all.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with all the PP's. It is unfair to invite people to a party to celebrate the wedding when they won't even be invited to the wedding.

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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The bride's parents host the first Engagement party, to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family.

    The groom's parents host the second Engagement Party, to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family.

    Traditionally, there have always been two E-parties.  The E-Parties celebrate the engagement, and the welcoming of the new person to the family - like a family reunion or family enlargement party.  This is not exactly a Pre-Wedding Party or a Wedding Event, and the family members who are invited do not expect a wedding invitation because typically the wedding would be a smaller event just for the immediate family - not a family reunion of the entire extended family.

    In recent years, weddings have been super-sized with every single far-flung third cousin being invited and expected to travel great distances at great expense to attend.  But traditionally, weddings are for the immediate family and friends, and perhaps some other family members who live in the same town and participate in same-town events like basketball games, musical concerts, birthday parties, etc.
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