Bachelorette Party question...

seasidebride24

To start, I know that I am not involved in the planning of any bachelorette party or wedding shower and that if they are planned they are gifts, not entitlements.  That being said, I am worried about some of the things my MOH has mentioned to me about the bach party.  I am having a really small wedding (compared to the large list of family and friends that could have been invited) for budget reasons and I have already been through the awkward ordeal of letting several people who assumed they were invited know that they in fact aren't (I didn't want anyone to be offended when the invite doesn't show).  Anyway, I know that it is a big no-no to invite people to the shower that won't be invited to the wedding, but is it also a big no-no for the bach party? My MOH has mentioned that she wants to get all these girls together and do a huge bash, but most of those girls aren't going to be at the wedding.  I feel like it would be really awkward to be celebrating at the bach party with all these girls knowing they weren't going to be at my wedding.  Any advice/suggestions?

mikeynkrib2011

oh goodness, i'm in your same shoes!  generally speaking, yes, it is a big no no. 

however, i have a few girls coming out to my bach party that aren't coming to the wedding.  through word of mouth, i found out the people who wanted to come and my BM invited them.

they know they aren't coming to the wedding, but still wanted to take a night and party with me.

my suggestion is wait to see who asks or inquires about the bach party.  some people might just come right out and say "hey, i'm not coming to the wedding but i sitll want to go to the bachelorette party!"

and then invite those girls!  i'd be hesitant to just straight up invite people not on the guest list for the wedding tho.

good luck!  i hope you have fun!

seasidebride24

Aside from the fact that my MOH was talking to me about the party and that she has asked me for a list of guests I would want to attend, I am having nothing to do with the planning part.  The people she has mentioned inviting are not being invited to the wedding, not just that they can't come.  A lot of these people are more acquaintances than friends and I'm not sure they would bring up my bach party in conversation.  I just feel like it would be rude for my MOH to invite them out for it when I'm not inviting them to the wedding. 

mikeynkrib2011

ah yes, i see what you're saying.  if they are more acquaintances of yours, i would say yes, it's prob not the best idea for your MOH to invite them.

especially if you feel it would be awkward for you!  i personally want my close friends at the party, not a friend of a friend that i barely know.  if you feel the same way, just tell her you'd prefer to keep your b-party like your wedding...small, intimate and close friends/ family only

palmettogirl924

You shouldn't invite anyone to anything if they aren't invited to the wedding. Period.



If the wedding is strictly family only and your freinds still want to throw this "bash" for you, knowing they aren't invited to the wedding- then fine, so be it. That is really nice of them.

But, if you are inviting friends to the wedding and it is not just family... then the friends who aren't invited to the wedding, shouldn't be invited to any wedding related activities.

LoveMuffins

I think if you're up front with your MOH that you're uncomfortable inviting people that aren't invited to the wedding, then she should respect your wishes. While the bride technically has "nothing" to do with the Bach Party, it drives me nuts when people think that means they can do what THEY want with the party and ignore the bride's preferences. Just as you would expect to be able to speak up if they wanted to hire you a stripper and you didn't want one, you should be able to speak up about this.

Let her know that you love her enthusiasm, but that you don't want the girls who aren't invited to the wedding to feel bitter that they were only invited to the bachlorette party. If she says that the girls want to come to the party, even though they know that they aren't invited to the wedding... well then party on!

But you definitely need to make youre preferences known.

seasidebride24

Muffin-I really hadn't thought of it like that.  Good point though, I have certainly mentioned that I'm not into strippers or having a large inflatable friend to carry around all night (one of my friends had to do that).  Since only really close friends are invited to the wedding, I feel like it would be really weird to have all these other girls at the bach party. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overstepping by letting my MOH know that I wasn't comfortable with the potential guest list including girls that weren't on the actual wedding list.  Thanks for the help!