Engagement Party Etiquette

mraesmith

My Fiance and I just got engaged and are planning on having our wedding in the spring of 2012. We wanted to have an engagement party but I'm not sure what the etiquette for one is. I know you shouldn't invite anyone you wouldn't invite to the wedding, but what I really don't know about is, registry and if we put our registry on the invite? Or do we even register this far in advance to our wedding? I'm just kind of confused...

loop0406

An engagement party isn't hosted by the couple, it's usually hosted by the parents 1-2 months after engagement. Usually closest friends (who will be in WP) and family are invited, it's to announce your engagement and for both families to meet and mingle.

Most don't register for e-party, registry is done before the bridal shower which is usually 1-2 months before wedding date.

trix1223

An e-party is not:

#1:  to be given by the couple in their own honor

#2:  a gift-giving event, so a registry is not needed at all.

mraesmith

Ive been to engagement parties where you do give gifts, so thats why I ask about registry. No ones really offered to throw us a party, so what do we do?

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:277648c5-d3f4-4215-b896-c52b69626034Post:2b458251-392a-4a66-b37e-8111cf0107e7">Re: Engagement Party Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Ive been to engagement parties where you do give gifts, so thats why I ask about registry. No ones really offered to throw us a party, so what do we do?
Posted by mraesmith[/QUOTE]

You don't have one.  Or, you have a party if you want to, but you don't call it an engagement party and you don't make it about the wedding.  Have a meet and greet or an open house or whatever.  Also, registry information does not belong in any invitations other than shower invitations.  If some people choose to bring gifts, great, but they are not expected for an e-party.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:277648c5-d3f4-4215-b896-c52b69626034Post:2b458251-392a-4a66-b37e-8111cf0107e7">Re: Engagement Party Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Ive been to engagement parties where you do give gifts, so thats why I ask about registry. <strong>No ones really offered to throw us a party, so what do we do</strong>?
Posted by mraesmith[/QUOTE]

You don't have an e-party.

You can have a backyard BBQ.  You can have a small dinner party.  You can have a cocktail party.  You can have a Halloween party or a Superbowl party.

Just don't include "wedding" anywhere on the invitations or at the party, and it's all fine.

mraesmith

Why is it so wrong to throw your own engagement party?

banana468

Ditto Retread.  It's not appropriate to throw any party in honor of yourself. 

MommyMarta08

I don't think it's so horrible to throw and  engagement party for yourselves. Your parents may even offer to host it when you mention that you are throwing one- who knows. People throw their own birthday parties all the time. I also think it's weird to show up to any party where a meal is being provided without a gift. Would you go to someone's dinner party empty handed? I hope not. 

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:277648c5-d3f4-4215-b896-c52b69626034Post:b748a738-d4f0-4313-adb3-e72d56d39a61">Re: Engagement Party Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's so horrible to throw and  engagement party for yourselves. Your parents may even offer to host it when you mention that you are throwing one- who knows. People throw their own birthday parties all the time. I also think it's weird to show up to any party where a meal is being provided without a gift. Would you go to someone's dinner party empty handed? I hope not. 
Posted by MommyMarta08[/QUOTE]

It's also inappropriate etiquette to throw your own birthday party.  Yes, people do that but a wedding is a much larger scale event and it's more important to pay attention to appropriate etiquette as you plan something of that line.

And if someone else throws you an engagement party that's fine.  People may bring hostess gifts or they may bring you gifts.  Hostess gifts are for the hostess.  A gift for you two is fine but that does not mean that you should register for them.  By that same token, should a hostess register every time she opts to throw a dinner party?

MommyMarta08

Well then every 20 something person I know is responsible for an "etiquette breach" because I am constantly getting facebook invites to their own birthday parties- maybe it's a regional thing. I'm from Manhattan and everyone I know in NYC throws a birthday for themselves. Typically, the birthday girl or guy picks a trendy restaurant and the close friends all go and pay their own way and split the birthday girl's dinner and then we go out to a bar after and meet up with more friends and party. Gifts aren't involved unless they or their parents pay our way. For example, when a girlfriend of mine turned 25, her parents rented us a limo to use for the day. Because her parents hosted, I got my friend a gift. 

I can't imagine showing up to an engagement party and giving a gift to the host and not the couple- that's really bizarre to me. We are there to celebrate the newly engaged couple- not the host. I would never show up to anything where I am being gifted something and not bring a gift in return. 

ARod22

All I hear is that hosting your own e-party is rude.  I don't understand how it's different than hosting your own wedding reception.  E-parties are not showers, they are celebrations of lives and families about to come together. 

I went to an e-party recently for a couple whose extended families live on opposite sides of the world.  The party was really a celebration for the many who couldn't go to the wedding.  I don't beleive they threw this party themselves, but even if they had, what would be the big deal?

banana468

Actually, an engagement party is a celebration in honor of the couple's upcoming nuptials and it's in honor of the couple.

The wedding reception is a TY to the guests for attending the ceremony.

The issue is that it's AWish and rude to throw any party in honor of yourself. 

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:277648c5-d3f4-4215-b896-c52b69626034Post:83f5c84f-b2b1-4128-ad77-439a51b1a793">Re: Engagement Party Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, an engagement party is a celebration in honor of the couple's upcoming nuptials and it's in honor of the couple. The wedding reception is a TY to the guests for attending the ceremony. The issue is that it's AWish and rude to throw any party in honor of yourself. 
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Ditto. Just keep reminding yourself: reception is for the GUESTS, not really the couple. But the couple get to enjoy it too of course. E-party is for the couple, hence in appropriate to be thrown by the couple.

ARod22

I see what you guys mean, but receptions can be very self-indulgent (first dance, announcing the bride and groom upon their entrance into the reception hall, and arranging for bubbles to be blown at the couple during the recessional o rgetaway are common regardless of who pays, and none of this is done as a thank you to the guests). If it's ok to throw a reception like this for yourself, why is it not ok to have your own party to celebrate the engagement?  Not trying to be a pain in the butt, just curious..

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:277648c5-d3f4-4215-b896-c52b69626034Post:5686c6fd-3298-4910-a57d-387342d013bd">Re: Engagement Party Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I see what you guys mean, but receptions can be very self-indulgent (first dance, announcing the bride and groom upon their entrance into the reception hall, and arranging for bubbles to be blown at the couple during the recessional o rgetaway are common regardless of who pays, and none of this is done as a thank you to the guests). If it's ok to throw a reception like this for yourself, why is it not ok to have your own party to celebrate the engagement?  Not trying to be a pain in the butt, just curious..
Posted by ARod22[/QUOTE]

A first dance and an announcement are the only things I've heard of there. The attention will still be on the bride and groom of course - people are interested in seeing that. Same way at a party, there is usually a momen to thank the host or hostess and give a gift. But the majority of the reception, the food and drinks and dancing, are supposed to be for the guests more so than the bride and groom. People don't always treat it that way, though.

jsleik

You asked about etiquette, so turn to Miss Manners.  She says, "the only traditional engagement present is the ring that the gentleman gives his fiance.  There is no proper basis for anyone's expecting engagement presents from other people, including those who will have ample opportunity to symbolize their affection by giving wedding peresents when the time comes."

As far as giving a hostess gift and not a gift to the couple, that seems normal to me.  Your hostess is serving you a meal and bringing a bottle of wine as a thank you is a nice gesture.  Bringing a toaster for a guest of honor is somewhat disconnected from celebrating your excitement about planning your wedding.

You're going to be getting so many other great gifts from people, why the rush to start now?