Shower by Proxy?

blueyeris

Is it OK to have a shower by proxy?

I am the sister of the groom, and my mother (mother of the groom) would like to throw a shower for the couple.  They are getting married May 20, and all of the family/friends on the groom's side live 3.5-7 hours away.  The MOH and MOB already threw a bridal shower for the bride's side of family (groom's side was not invited).

My mother is thinking of throwing a "shower by proxy" for the couple as (1) time is short and (2) our side is unlikely to be able to make the trip anyway.

Two questions:

(1) Is this OK?
(2) Advice/ettiquite on how this is done?

We won't want this to appear to be only a request for gifts for the couple, as it is not and we also want to make sure our side of the family does not feel left out.  Any thoughts, suggestions, advice would be greatly appreciated!  TIA!

MandK9

I don't exactly understand what's going to take place at this shower?

blueyeris

It's a "virtual" shower.  Essentially everyone sends gifts/cards but there is no physical shower to attend.

MandK9

I won't pretend to know what's proper and what's not, but I do know that if I received an invitation for a virtual shower, I would very definitely find it odd.  I don't think I would participate.

mgietler76

That is incredibly rude. You are basically sending and invite for people to send a gift that they don't even get to see opened. That is the worst idea I have ever heard. The grooms side should have been invited to the real shower, as it is they have already been left out and this would be a slap in the face.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-proxy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:2c811029-9baf-4d93-b5f3-fadbe472c18fPost:a8a3856e-08e9-4af7-8c5f-500f30d8d586">Re: Shower by Proxy?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a "virtual" shower.  Essentially everyone sends gifts/cards but there is no physical shower to attend.
Posted by blueyeris[/QUOTE]

If that isn't a request for gifts, then what is it?

For a shower, the  host provides refreshments for the bride's/couple's closest friends and relatives. The guests shower the couple with gifts. Neither would happen at your 'virtual shower.' The guests wouldn't have the pleasure of watching them open the gifts. And suggesting that the guests send gift cards is the same as requesting cash. Please don't do this.

It's sad that none of the groom's family members were invited to the shower. The MOG, sisters and grandmothers should have been invited. The MOB and MOH probably thought that none of you would be able to attend because of distance and they didn't want to look gift grabby. That was their mistake. They should have invited you and let you decide.

sister2groom

This is only a request for gifts and would be extremely rude.

banana468

I received an invitation like this and while I sent the couple a gift because of who they are, I did think it was rude of the "hostess".

RebeccaB88

Gift beg.  Nothing more. 

See if there's a central location everyone can make it to a real shower.  If not, then it's sad that they won't get to do that for her, but she will still be able to get married anyway.

rainedrop6

I actually think a shower by proxy isn't virtual, it a real shower just one without the bride (or couple). The hostess would act on behalf of the bride and open the gifts, cut the cake, etc...  

From a bride who's MIL wanted to do this because I live 10 hours away I suggest you talk to your bride. If you want to plan her a shower for your side of the family see if she can come, 3.5-7 hours is not very far, especially if you were able to fly her in. If the guests invited can't make it then at least they had the option to decline or accept and can send a gift anyway if they want to. But I would not do it at all if the bride was not able to attend.