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Bridal Shower Faux Pas???

mallerycowanmallerycowan
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
1. Why isn't the bride allowed to plan the shower? 

2. The shower is at a hall with food provided and is expecting 50 max attendees.  The theme is casino and the groomsmen will be the card dealers.  How do you approach the no gift opening concept at the shower?

I am asking these questions because I am a bride who is planning her own shower.  I have been reading posts where some people clearly think it is a major no-no to plan it yourself.  I am a very giving person and have big prize baskets for the big 'money' winners and I am getting decorations together and have the guest list too.  I am trying to keep the work of the wedding party to a low because of schedules, families, money and jobs.  I even purchased all of my bridesmaid's dresses and all the have to do is pay for alterations if needed. 

So for the shower how do you explain that there isn't going to be gift opening unless requested?  I think it is boring to watch and personally not a big fan of everyone watching me for at least an hour.  I just want people to show up and have an enjoyable time while they mingle. 

How have you approached these two scenarios before? 
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Re: Bridal Shower Faux Pas???

  • frenchy730frenchy730 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-faux-pas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:34e9d217-66f4-4733-88c4-6c21092ee56cPost:65c52a50-e038-4ea6-b3e5-c9e02a63572e">Bridal Shower Faux Pas???</a>:
    [QUOTE]1. Why isn't the bride allowed to plan the shower? <div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#FF0000">Because it is rude to throw yourself a party that requires people to bring you presents and ooooh and aww over you.</font></div><div>
    </div><div> 2. The shower is at a hall with food provided and is expecting 50 max attendees.  The theme is casino and the groomsmen will be the card dealers.  How do you approach the no gift opening concept at the shower? </div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#FF0000">Um... well, usually people open gifts at a bridal shower because  that is why your guests came--- to shower you with gifts.  Usually they want to see you open them while they are present.  This casino/dealers idea just seems kind of awkward as far as bridal showers go.</font></div><div>
    </div><div>I am asking these questions because I am a bride who is planning her own shower.  </div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#FF0000">NOOOOO</font></div><div>I have been reading posts where some people clearly think it is a major no-no to plan it yourself. </div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#FF0000">It IS! </font></div><div>I am a very giving person and have big prize baskets for the big 'money' winners and I am getting decorations together and have the guest list too.  I am trying to keep the work of the wedding party to a low because of schedules, families, money and jobs.  I even purchased all of my bridesmaid's dresses and all the have to do is pay for alterations if needed.  So for the shower how do you explain that there isn't going to be gift opening unless requested?  I think it is boring to watch and personally not a big fan of everyone watching me for at least an hour.  I just want people to show up and have an enjoyable time while they mingle.  How have you approached these two scenarios before? </div><div>D<font class="Apple-style-span" color="#FF0000">on't throw your own shower.  If you are concerned about your bridal party's workoad, request that you DON'T have a shower and let them off the hook.  This is very easy-- if someone wants to throw you a shower, they will.  If they don't want to, feel like it is too much work, etc., you simply don't get a shower. It's nice that you're being good to your bridal party, but you really should not be throwing this kind of party for yourself.</font>
    Posted by mallerycowan[/QUOTE]

    </div>
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    There are several things wrong with your concept, IMO.

    A bridal shower doesn't have to be a big production:  complete with casino games and dealers, big prize baskets, and lots of food.  A lovely shower can be in your backyard, with snacks and beverages. I'd much rather attend a shower like that than the extravanganza that you're planning.

    Since the purpose of a shower is to "shower the bride with gifts" it is both very poor etiquette to #1:  throw a party for yourself,  as it is seen as a gift grab and #2:  not to bother opening the gifts that people brought you.

    Why bother calling it a shower.  Just have a casino night g2g without making it a wedding event?  Because that's what you're planning.  It's not at all a shower.

    There's really no way that you can spin this into calling it a shower.  It's a casino night event that you're throwing.

    If you do this, people WILL talk for a long time about your "shower".  But it won't be positive.


    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You don't throw your own shower because the point of the shower is to give you gifts and you never request gifts for yourself.  This is really one of the rudest things you could ever do.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It's fine to have the party you're planning, just don't make it wedding-related and don't call it a shower. Ditto PPs about what a shower is/is for.
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  • Midgie373Midgie373
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree w/ Mery.  It sounds like a fun party.  Just don't call it a shower. 
    No, that's not my real name. And FH's name isn't Nun (as in Nun ya bidness) either.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Ditto PPs.

    If you want a casino night plan one.

    But don't plan your own shower for reasons PPs stated.  It's VERY rude to do so.

    And if you do have a shower,  yes, you need to open your gifts.
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  • blackfire5thblackfire5th
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Do you know that:

    1.  You are not entitled to a shower

    2.  Your wedding will still be valid without a shower

    3.  If you are doing it because you are just greedy and want the presents, most people that are invited to the shower simply break their wedding gift budget in half and use part for the shower gift and part for the wedding gift, so you won't actually be coming out ahead.

    4.  When a friend hosts a shower it means "Hey, I love this person and would like to help them out with some extra gifts"

    When the bride throws her own shower it means "Hey, come give me gifts"

    Which sounds better?
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  • JenO24JenO24 member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    i personally wouldn't throw myself a shower or advice a bride to, but if thats what you want to do dont let anyone stop you.  its your wedding, your day, do whatever you want.  there is no ettiquette fairy that will show up at your shower to punish you for planning/hosting it.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-faux-pas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:34e9d217-66f4-4733-88c4-6c21092ee56cPost:661d361c-32d7-434c-b2fa-9c960d553c0e">Re: Bridal Shower Faux Pas???</a>:
    [QUOTE]i personally wouldn't throw myself a shower or advice a bride to, but if thats what you want to do dont let anyone stop you.  its your wedding, your day, do whatever you want.  there is no ettiquette fairy that will show up at your shower to punish you for planning/hosting it.
    Posted by JenO24[/QUOTE]

    Maybe not.  But there may be  A LOT of people in the family thinking, "WTF is wrong with her?!"
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  • mallerycowanmallerycowan
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-faux-pas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:34e9d217-66f4-4733-88c4-6c21092ee56cPost:c86599ff-7194-4168-b886-6c38cb54fd7f">Re: Bridal Shower Faux Pas???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do you know that: 1.  You are not entitled to a shower 2.  Your wedding will still be valid without a shower 3.  If you are doing it because you are just greedy and want the presents, most people that are invited to the shower simply break their wedding gift budget in half and use part for the shower gift and part for the wedding gift, so you won't actually be coming out ahead. 4.  When a friend hosts a shower it means "Hey, I love this person and would like to help them out with some extra gifts" When the bride throws her own shower it means "Hey, come give me gifts" Which sounds better?
    Posted by blackfire5th[/QUOTE]


    <em><strong><font color="#ff0000">You my dear are way off base.</font></strong></em>  I am not a greedy person and that was the whole reason I was focusing on THE GUESTS so much versus myself.  People don't post on this board to be flamed and told what a bad person they are.  They come to this board to ask humble advice and experiences. 

    I don't even care if we get gifts for the wedding, I just want my family to be able to come together to celebrate with us our special day.  I want everyone to be pampered not just 'the bride'.  That is just the type of person I am. 

    The people who answer posts should explain the 'why' behind over the top comments.  I thought this was the 'etiquette' board...
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-faux-pas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:34e9d217-66f4-4733-88c4-6c21092ee56cPost:402cd010-ce40-45e4-bb1b-86724bac1074">Re: Bridal Shower Faux Pas???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Faux Pas??? : You my dear are way off base.   I am not a greedy person and that was the whole reason I was focusing on THE GUESTS so much versus myself.  People don't post on this board to be flamed and told what a bad person they are.  They come to this board to ask humble advice and experiences.  I don't even care if we get gifts for the wedding, I just want my family to be able to come together to celebrate with us our special day.  I want everyone to be pampered not just 'the bride'.  That is just the type of person I am.  The people who answer posts should explain the 'why' behind over the top comments.  I thought this was the 'etiquette' board...
    Posted by mallerycowan[/QUOTE]

    What other answers do you need clarified.  Multiple people explained why it's in poor taste to plan a party in honor of yourself.

    If you want to plan the casino night then go for it.  But don't turn it into something in honor of yourself.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Faux Pas???:
    [QUOTE They come to this board to ask humble advice and experiences.  I don't even care if we get gifts for the wedding, Posted by mallerycowan[/QUOTE]

    Asking for humble advice for an outrageously non-humble question?

    If you don't care about the gifts, then cancel the 'shower'.  Throw the casino theme party as a thank-you for the bridal party and family members who have helped you with the wedding.  Then you get your party and you are doing something nice for your friends and family.

    Go to the library or bookstore and pull out all the etiquette books on the shelf.  Every last one of them will tell you that throwing your own shower is in very poor taste.  It's not just us.   Seriously, you already knew the answer to this.
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