Rehersal dinner?

Fbrandye

We are having a very small wedding and I can not invite all of my daycare families. However I would like to do something with them as they are a big part of my family. We were orginally going to have a big BBQ at our house the day before as our rehersal dinner but that has since been changed because our wedding site is 2 hours away and my mom wants all the girls to stay closer to the venue for less stress. So my next thought was to do it the day before the day before and not call it a rehersal and just have a big party. If I could do what I really wanted to do i would do it after our wedding but we will be so busy for two months after the wedding that I don't want to wait that long.
Is this completely wrong? I'm not looking for gifts I just want all of our friends and especially my daycare kids(who are my kids sort of) to get to enjoy the wedding with us. So many of the kids have already been helping the have helped to pick my dress and the older kids have volunteered to help make coloring books for the younger wedding party kids. I just want to make them feel appreciated.

MairePoppy

Don't invite people to your RD if they are not on your wedding guest list.

When your wedding pictures come in, surprise the kids with wedding cupcakes and show and tell with your wedding album. That way no one will feel obligated to bring gifts.

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rehersal-dinner-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:3670ca4e-326a-42e8-b224-4f88e2262b21Post:5347cfe9-c87c-4ef0-9882-bef6d323ebb4">Re: Rehersal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't invite people to your RD if they are not on your wedding guest list. When your wedding pictures come in, surprise the kids with wedding cupcakes and show and tell with your wedding album. That way no one will feel obligated to bring gifts.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

This.  Even if you don't call it your rehearsal dinner, you're going to end up with people who participated in your rehearsal all grouped in with people who are not even invited to your wedding.  Makes no sense.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rehersal-dinner-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:3670ca4e-326a-42e8-b224-4f88e2262b21Post:24943438-2c61-4a6e-9e21-025219915576">Rehersal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a very small wedding and I can not invite all of my daycare families. However I would like to do something with them as they are a big part of my family. We were orginally going to have a big BBQ at our house the day before as our rehersal dinner but that has since been changed because our wedding site is 2 hours away and my mom wants all the girls to stay closer to the venue for less stress. So my next thought was to do it the day before the day before and not call it a rehersal and just have a big party. If I could do what I really wanted to do i would do it after our wedding but we will be so busy for two months after the wedding that I don't want to wait that long. Is this completely wrong? I'm not looking for gifts I just want all of our friends and especially my daycare kids(who are my kids sort of) to get to enjoy the wedding with us. So many of the kids have already been helping the have helped to pick my dress and the older kids have volunteered to help make coloring books for the younger wedding party kids. I just want to make them feel appreciated.
Posted by Fbrandye[/QUOTE]

First of all, the kids you care for in daycare are NOT your kids. Say that to any of your families, and you'll royally p!ss them off.  I have been in early childhood education for 23 years, and the kids I teach are my students.  They're in my class.  But they're not "my" kids.

And I believe that your wedding is your personal life.  And your work in daycare is your professional life.  And that they should be kept separate.   

It's also poor form to invite them to a prewedding event if they're not invited to the wedding.  So ditto pp who said to have a little get together after your wedding and show the kids wedding pictures.  That's more appropriate, IMO.

Fbrandye

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rehersal-dinner-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:3670ca4e-326a-42e8-b224-4f88e2262b21Post:7f5eba45-ce0e-4741-98ee-7f20291acb8d">Re: Rehersal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Rehersal dinner? : First of all, the kids you care for in daycare are NOT your kids. Say that to any of your families, and you'll royally p!ss them off.  I have been in early childhood education for 23 years, and the kids I teach are my students.  They're in my class.  But they're not "my" kids. And I believe that your wedding is your personal life.  And your work in daycare is your professional life.  And that they should be kept separate.    It's also poor form to invite them to a prewedding event if they're not invited to the wedding.  So ditto pp who said to have a little get together after your wedding and show the kids wedding pictures.  That's more appropriate, IMO.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Actually all of my parents know that I call the children my kids, I don't run a typical daycare most of these kids are with me 12-16 hours a day and some of them are with me Friday after school until Monday morning. I would never call my daycare kids, students because they are not, they are a part of my famlily and all of the familes fully agree. I get invited to all family events, and they are invited to all of mine.
Also my daycare is 24/7 so my life and my daycare are one in the same. I have taken children to baseball games because that is something that my family planned and I happened to have a child in care that afternoon. From the first time the families walk in the door the are treated as family, I know from the begining if they are going to work well with the group I have already established and how I run my daycare. Obviously I am doing something right because I have not had a spot open  and I have a waiting list for when my school age children leave or my military families move. I have several families who keep their children enrolled even though one of the parents quit working because they love my daycare.
As for the BBQ, I still am undecided. I have been talking to my family about it and my daycare families. They all know that I am unable to invite them, they know that my family is military with limited funds for my wedding. Many of the moms have voluntered to help in whatever way they can because they know I have no one here to help me in fact last weekend one of the moms went dress shopping with me. I personally think you would have to be a part of my daycare to understand the family setting that we all have.

hlq2011

I understand the concept of non-traditional families.  I get that.

But the fact is that pre-wedding parties are for wedding guests.  A party the night before, even if you don't want to call it a rehearsal dinner, should be for those involved in the wedding, and maybe out of town guests (depending on your traditions).  It shouldn't be for people you just can't afford to invite to the wedding, even if they understand your financial situation.

Do a get-together after the fact.  Do your BBQ after the fact.  Don't have it before the wedding.

redheadtmk

I understand what you are saying. I worked at a daycare for 8 years whose philosophy was "spirit of home". We were not called Miss so and so. We all called them our kids. I do however agree that you should wait unitl after the wedding though. It would be less stress on you, and since they are not going to the wedding it does not matter either way. I am sure the kids will appreciate whatever you do.