MOH refuses to plan my "Last Night Out" because I'm a mom!

mdx1023

Posted this in "Wedding Woes" Message Board before I saw this Board...sorry! =/

I'm getting married in 3 months, and my little 25 year old sister, who is also my MOH, is refusing to plan a "Girl's Night Out" for me.  I'm a 27 year old SAHM with 2 boys, and this will be my second marriage.  My first marriage, I was 19 yrs. old and had no support from my family; so no Engagement Shower, Bridal Shower, Bachelorette Party, etc.  This time, my future plans with my fiance have been thoroughly thought out, I want to experience all the exciting Bridal Adventures leading up to our Special Day!

This is his first marriage, so his buddies have all ready planned his Bachelor Party for August.  She does not see my fiance's party as anything wrong (he will be in Las Vegas for 2 nights, while I am taking care of our 2 year old son). Because I am a mom, and my MOH is not, I feel like she is trying to determine what I can and cannot do!

I've explained my plans for my "Night Out" - drink some wine at our older sister's house, take a limo to a salsa club, dance for a few hours and come back home!  OR.... all the women and I take a weekend Salsa Cruise.  I've told her several times, "I DON'T WANT/NEED STRIPPERS OR RANDOM GUYS HANGING AROUND!!!"  And she still refuses!!!

So, should I ask someone else to throw my "Last Girl's Night Out" or should I plan it myself???

AdeleDazeem

Well...

You can suggest what is done at your bachelorette party but the host doesn't have to follow it.  Does your sister not like the idea?  Does your sister have another idea that she'd rather do? 

No, you can't plan it yourself.  Anyone is allowed to throw these parties except you.  If your sister doesn't want to do it, perhaps another friend will step in.  However, it would be a serious faux pas to actually ASK someone else to do it or plan it yourself.

Bachelorette parties don't make or break a wedding experience.  I didn't have one and I barely had a wedding shower.  I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

CassieeK

You could always just get together with some girlfriends, go out, and not actually call it a bachelorette party.  When I go out with girlfriends for a girl's night, we go to a couple bars and have some drinks.  That is also pretty much all we do for bachelorette parties.  The only real difference is that the friends buy a couple drinks for the bride and sometimes there are penis straws.

redheadfsu

You can't plan it and you can't ask someone else to plan it either.

If someone asks about it (like other bridesmaids or other family members) explain that although you did look forward to having a great night out with the girls, as far as you know one isn't planned.

kcb10

It's your wedding - do what YOU want.  My fiancee LOVES to go to Vegas, so he planned his own bachelor party in Vegas.  His best man doesn't want to spend the money (which we are totally fine with), so he just did it himself.  It might not be the correct/traditional way to do it, but if you are going to regret not having a great bachelorette party then just go for it!  Maybe talk to your sister and tell her that you really want to have that experience, and you're willing to help with the plans and get other friends involved if she isn't able to.  She's the MOH - YOU are the BRIDE! 

SuMmErKuTiE

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_moh-refuses-plan-last-night-out-because-im-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:45dc4b81-7398-4b1c-a3af-361e9410e773Post:162f9c4d-eb45-4176-8437-877ce089274d">Re: MOH refuses to plan my "Last Night Out" because I'm a mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]It's your wedding - do what YOU want.  My fiancee LOVES to go to Vegas, so he planned his own bachelor party in Vegas.  His best man doesn't want to spend the money (which we are totally fine with), so he just did it himself.  It might not be the correct/traditional way to do it, but if you are going to regret not having a great bachelorette party then just go for it!  Maybe talk to your sister and tell her that you really want to have that experience, and you're willing to help with the plans and get other friends involved if she isn't able to.  She's the MOH - YOU are the BRIDE! 
Posted by kcb10[/QUOTE]

OP please don't listen to this. This is terrible advice and it is very rude to throw a party in honor of yourself. If no one else plans a bachelorette party for you, just get the girls together for a night out without calling it your b-party. This way you still get your girls night out that you envisioned, but you're not breaking any etiquette rules and possibly offending anyone.

blush64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_moh-refuses-plan-last-night-out-because-im-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:45dc4b81-7398-4b1c-a3af-361e9410e773Post:cfe80074-4111-42d9-b4e9-f9fd97461e9f">Re: MOH refuses to plan my "Last Night Out" because I'm a mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]You could always just get together with some girlfriends, go out, and not actually call it a bachelorette party.  When I go out with girlfriends for a girl's night, we go to a couple bars and have some drinks.  That is also pretty much all we do for bachelorette parties.  The only real difference is that the friends buy a couple drinks for the bride and sometimes there are penis straws.
Posted by CassieeK[/QUOTE]

This makes sense. Just invite those you want there. Have a great girls night out and don't mention bachelorette party at all.

kcb10

I am not suggesting you send out invitations saying "Hey I'm throwing myself a party!"  Obviously that would be rude.  I'm just saying that your sister should respect what you want to do for your own bachelorette party. 

covejack

kcb, I think you'll find that any advice that starts with "it's YOUR wedding, do what YOU want" is never well-received around here.  It's usually because it's the most common excuse given for advocating something rude.

Amynutrition

IMO, I think it is silly for a divorced Mom to have a "last night out."

(My Mom eloped when she was 19, had my older brother, her ex left her at age 20. She married my Dad 5 years later and had my sisters and me after)

mdx1023

Thank you ladies for answering my question.  Your answers and advice are much appreciated!

Summer2011Bride

You shouldn't be throwing your own party or asking anyone to throw it for you. They're not required to. What you CAN do is call up your good friends and say, "Hey wanna go out for dinner/drinks on such and such night?" Keep it non-wedding related, don't make it out as a party FOR you. Just go out and have fun.

blush64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_moh-refuses-plan-last-night-out-because-im-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:45dc4b81-7398-4b1c-a3af-361e9410e773Post:5ffe7258-1c48-41fb-b1b6-1f75edf941ad">Re: MOH refuses to plan my "Last Night Out" because I'm a mom!</a>:
[QUOTE]IMO, I think it is silly for a divorced Mom to have a "last night out." (My Mom eloped when she was 19, had my older brother, her ex left her at age 20. She married my Dad 5 years later and had my sisters and me after)
Posted by Amynutrition[/QUOTE]

It's no sillier than an engaged non-divorced woman doing it in my opinion. It's not really a "last night" of anything because neither is actually single. A girls night is something everyone can enjoy and perhaps a mother even more so. (she would probably get out less often and therefore need a break, in some cases)