Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelor Party - Should I be mad?

Hey there!  So my lovely fiance' just had his BP this past weekend...I knew all about it, where they were going, what they were doing, etc - typical BP, bar & strip club.  I am not the jealous type, I honestly did not care and I wanted him to have a good time.  It was a small group - just the guys in the wedding. 
All was well until he returned home - at 4:15am - again, normally not an issue, this is once in his life right?  He was extremely drunk, again, I knew to expect this...what I wasn't prepared for and didn't expect - was to see a hickey on his neck!!!!!!!!  As we are talking, I notice a mark on his neck, and I lose it & become furious - having fun is one thing, but this was different - some other woman's mouth was on MY man.  Are they even allowed to do that???  That said - my brother was there, I asked him the next day if something bad went down and he swears he saw nothing and tells me I am overreacting...the groom swears he remembers nothing from once they got to the club, it was at approx 2am, therefore he was already well wasted...so basically, so I have a right to be upset?!  I trust him and I love him and there is no chance of calling off the wedding, I just have this anger right now...and I want him to make things better.  He is a really great guy and we have never had any issues in our 2 years together. But I needed to vent...Thoughts???

Re: Bachelor Party - Should I be mad?

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-should-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:4cecc2f2-b552-4024-a0ae-7d092f9dc59ePost:9cf7815a-0ee1-49a1-9b9e-f21d4d16806e">Bachelor Party - Should I be mad?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey there!  So my lovely fiance' just had his BP this past weekend...I knew all about it, where they were going, what they were doing, etc - typical BP, bar & strip club.  I am not the jealous type, I honestly did not care and I wanted him to have a good time.  It was a small group - just the guys in the wedding.  All was well until he returned home - at 4:15am - again, normally not an issue, this is once in his life right?  He was extremely drunk, again, I knew to expect this...what I wasn't prepared for and didn't expect - was to see a hickey on his neck!!!!!!!!  As we are talking, I notice a mark on his neck, and I lose it & become furious - having fun is one thing, but this was different - some other woman's mouth was on MY man.  Are they even allowed to do that???  That said - my brother was there, I asked him the next day if something bad went down and he swears he saw nothing and tells me I am overreacting...the groom swears he remembers nothing from once they got to the club, it was at approx 2am, therefore he was already well wasted...so basically, so I have a right to be upset?!  I trust him and I love him and there is no chance of calling off the wedding, I just have this anger right now...and I want him to make things better.  <strong>He is a really great guy and we have never had any issues in our 2 years together. </strong>But I needed to vent...Thoughts???
    Posted by nicolinag[/QUOTE]

    The only thing I would be upset about is the hickey (I cant believe I just typed hickey BTW, I haven't used that word in 10+ years).
    Otherwise, this is normal bachelor party stuff. If he says he doesn't remember and you haven't had any other issues, as grossed out as I'm sure you are, I would let it go. What can you do!?
    image
  • Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'd be mad too, but I'll ditto Matty's last paragraph. 
    image
  • nicolinagnicolinag member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks girls!  I think that is what it is - I'm disgusted and I am sure once I can't see it anymore I will get over it :)  Thanks for listening & helping me feel better!
  • edited December 2011
    If he was that intoxicated,he truly/probably does not recall how the hicky got there. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, I'd be pretty pissed off that he let himself get drunk enough for that to happen.  But, I know my man, and he'd be even more upset with himself than I would be with him.  It's not like him to get that wasted.  So... yeah, I'd be pretty damn upset, but I'd also take my guy and who he is into consideration.  If he has the decency to be upset about getting it, I'd get over it.
  • nicolinagnicolinag member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    His best friend called me tonight - also our best man, trying to help me feel better - that was really nice and totally unexpected.  He promised me nothing happened and never ever would because he knows how much my man loves me and it was probably someone got a bit aggressive with her dance, blah blah blah...so ok ok, I know I was a bit sensitive. 
    These darn emotions are crazy right now with only 5 weeks to go, it's so insane how out of nowhere they hit ya!  And Rebecca, you are right, when I pointed it out because he didn't even know, he was so upset, actually pissed about.  So I know all is ok.  Like I said, just needed to vent - and you all are doing an awesome job to make me feel better.  He is a great guy & I will cut him some slack, promise :)
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-should-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:4cecc2f2-b552-4024-a0ae-7d092f9dc59ePost:ba8daa8a-4514-4610-8a15-15767dc25e19">Re: Bachelor Party - Should I be mad?</a>:
    [QUOTE]His best friend called me tonight - also our best man, trying to help me feel better - that was really nice and totally unexpected.  He promised me nothing happened and never ever would because he knows how much my man loves me and it was probably someone got a bit aggressive with her dance, blah blah blah...so ok ok, I know I was a bit sensitive.  These darn emotions are crazy right now with only 5 weeks to go, it's so insane how out of nowhere they hit ya!  And Rebecca, you are right, when I pointed it out because he didn't even know, he was so upset, actually pissed about.  So I know all is ok.  Like I said, just needed to vent - and you all are doing an awesome job to make me feel better.  He is a great guy & I will cut him some slack, promise :)
    Posted by nicolinag[/QUOTE]

    I'm glad to hear everything worked out. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
    image
  • blush64blush64 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-should-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:4cecc2f2-b552-4024-a0ae-7d092f9dc59ePost:9cf7815a-0ee1-49a1-9b9e-f21d4d16806e">Bachelor Party - Should I be mad?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey there!  So my lovely fiance' just had his BP this past weekend...I knew all about it, where they were going, what they were doing, etc - typical BP, bar & strip club.  I am not the jealous type, I honestly did not care and I wanted him to have a good time.  It was a small group - just the guys in the wedding.  All was well until he returned home - at 4:15am - again, normally not an issue, this is once in his life right?  He was extremely drunk, again, I knew to expect this...what I wasn't prepared for and didn't expect - was to see a hickey on his neck!!!!!!!!  As we are talking, I notice a mark on his neck, and I lose it & become furious - having fun is one thing, but this was different - some other woman's mouth was on MY man.  Are they even allowed to do that???  That said - my brother was there, I asked him the next day if something bad went down and he swears he saw nothing and tells me I am overreacting...the groom swears he remembers nothing from once they got to the club, it was at approx 2am, therefore he was already well wasted...so basically, so I have a right to be upset?!  I trust him and I love him and there is no chance of calling off the wedding, I just have this anger right now...and I want him to make things better.  He is a really great guy and we have never had any issues in our 2 years together. But I needed to vent...Thoughts???
    Posted by nicolinag[/QUOTE]

    EDIT To be honest, no offence but I have a hard time believing this is even real. Hw could someone not be angry at this?

    I think my trust would have been broken when i saw the hickey. Wedding, called off.

    He lets another woman give him a hickey and I don't marry him. Easy.

    Drunk is NOT an excuse. He is lucky you don't plan on calling the wedding off. IF he remembers nothing, how does he know what went on? Your brother said nothing happened but clearly he has a hickey indicating something went on, therefore I would say perhaps your brother wasn't noticing everything that went on.

    Good for you for wanting to stick with him and I do believe you have every right to be angry. If it were me, I'd walk away. (and we've been together 4+ years) Sorry, but the "i drank too much to remember some woman sucking on my neck" doesn't fly with me. But then we have a no strip club agreement. (his idea by the way)

    EDIT Glad to hear you are good now.
  • edited December 2011
    Honestly I would be pissed! I feel like he could just be saying he doesn't remember. But what else does he not remember? Props to you for being understanding. I don't know what I would do in this situation. 
  • edited December 2011
    Um, I would be beyond angry. Like, there may not be a wedding angry. But I have a low tolerance for cheating in all aspects and also don't believe that "I was drunk" is an excuse for any behavior.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic *This is not legal advice*
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-should-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:4cecc2f2-b552-4024-a0ae-7d092f9dc59ePost:195b0420-95b1-4721-b4c7-b80f515827ef">Re: Bachelor Party - Should I be mad?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, considering that most of the 'bachelor games' at a strip club are specifically designed to leave marks of some sort that last a day or so, I would have just assumed that's exactly what this is.  I understand being mad if you thought he was making out with a stripper and that's how the hickey got there, but if that's the case, why aren't you out the door? I get being upset, but it's really not a huge deal or some sort of trust-breaker, in my opinion.  Also, this is why I always advise my friends to NOT be home on the night of the bach party.  Go out with the girls, have a slumber party, whatever.  Just don't sit at home staring at the clock waiting for him to get back home.  It will make ANY details seem ten times worse.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>I couldn't have said it better myself. If you say you trust him, then trust him. I wouldn't call off FI and I's wedding over a hickey from a sleazy stripper. We've already talked and, knowing our friends (GMs), they be taking him to a strip club and getting him drunk. Fine. Expected. But I totally trust FI. It seems like you guys have sorted this out so that's good. =) I'm glad it worked out.</div>
  • nicolinagnicolinag member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow - it's interesting to read all these responses!  Yes it's a week later & all is well :)  I trust him 100% and the hickey - yes it sucked and I was upset - but what I didn't realize that night until after talking to several friends and reading posts here - StageManager thank u - I had NO CLUE that the girls/strippers did that stuff on purpose to the bachelors.  Had I of known that going into things, I would NOT have freaked out.  To call off a wedding over something like that is ridiculous and NEVER crossed my mind.  Relationships & marriage are not easy and require a lot of compromise & discussions and 100% trust. 
    And to explain my anger - it was over the fact that some stipper left the mark, not that I thought he was cheating or making out with her - as I stated, I had no idea they could touch or do things like that. 
    So for the couple of you who would throw it all away over something silly like this...I hope you have a rock solid relationship somehow beyond trust.  I don't consider his bachelor party - and a stripper (and her extremely immoral job & behavior) cheating - let's be honest with ourselves - he didn't touch her & there was no kissing.  And when he tells me this, I believe him 100%.  And I honestly don't see him setting foot in another one of those places ever again - seeing the look on his face and in his eyes when he saw how hurt & upset I was after we talked more once he sobered up - said more than enough to me (and no it wasn't an I'm guilty & I got caught look, it was genuine & sincere love & fear of losing me look). 
    My fiance is the love of my life and marrying him feels exactly right - I kissed a lot of frogs and waited a long time to find the right one - so yea I'm gonna cut the guy some slack.  And in less than 4 weeks, I am going to marry the man of my dreams and I CAN'T WAIT!!! :)
    Thanks for listening ladies - this was a great place to vent and share my thoughts - I appreciate all thoughts in return :)  Best of luck to you all as your days near and your men head to their fun nights out! :) 
    FYI..my bparty is 2 weeks from today & I plan on having a damn good time - no males/strippers, etc involved! LOL! Ciao!
  • edited December 2011
    I am shocked that strip clubs would do that, thats just trashy. My father will be at FH's bachelor party to make sure there are no half naked women touching my fiance.
  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-should-mad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:4cecc2f2-b552-4024-a0ae-7d092f9dc59ePost:6dd6c2c5-83ed-4787-b9ce-3ba93f574c27">Re: Bachelor Party - Should I be mad?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am shocked that <strong>strip clubs</strong> would do that, thats just <strong>trashy</strong>. My father will be at FH's bachelor party to make sure there are no half naked women touching my fiance.
    Posted by BriannaMMariani[/QUOTE]


    Strip clubs doing something trashy?  Say it ain't so!  LOL.  Of course they are trashy, that's kind of the point, so them <em>doing</em> something trashy really isn't surprising.
    Anniversary
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