Pre-wedding Parties

Invite flower girls and parents to RD?

Ok ladies, I have a bit of a dilemma. My FMIL is hosting the RD. She's inviting the wedding party, plus their significant others, my parents, and grandparents. The guest list has been settled for awhile now, but during Thanksgiving, I asked my two cousins' daughters to be my flower girls. One cousin casually mentioned the other day that she wanted to stay in a hotel the night before the wedding since she has to attend the rehearsal for her daughter.

Here's the issue, I wasn't going to invite the flower girls to the RD. I wasn't even going to invite them to the rehearsal! I was just planning on telling them what to do the morning of the wedding. The RD is at a classy restaurant with a dress code...My FMIL is having lots of candles and the wine will be flowing, so it's not really an event for children.

Is it typical to invite the children in the wedding party to the rehearsal dinner? Also, are we supposed to invite the officiant (who happens to be my uncle...I have such a big family!)

Thanks ladies!
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Re: Invite flower girls and parents to RD?

  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I would think that children, moreso than adults, would require a rehearsal "run through" more than anyone else.  They are, in fact, part of the wedding party, and as such, should be included in any and ALL rehearsal events.

    Are you planning on having any alcohol, or candles at the reception? Would you not consider your reception venue "classy"?   If the children can "handle" the reception, I see no reason why a smaller rehearsal dinner would pose any problems. 

    And, again, because the officiant is at the rehearsal, he should also be invited to the dinner.  More often than not, the officiant will decline the offer, but it should be extended nonetheless.
  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto pp... the FG's and RB's probably need to rehearse more than the adults. We never even considered leaving out our FG and RB from the rehearsal dinner. And yes, we included their entire family on the rehearsal dinner invite since they were children. Our FG came with her whole family.. both parents and her brother, but our RB came with just his mom. His dad and brother stayed home and just came to the wedding, but they were more than welcome.

    Bottom line.. anyone involved in the wedding ceremony should be at the rehearsal and then invited to the rehearsal dinner.. officiant and their spouse and children of the WP and their families included.
  • edited December 2011
    I guess the biggest problem is, I'd have to ask my FMIL to add more people to the RD guest list...Two flower girls added to the list wouldn't be too much of a burden, I'm sure, but their parents and under age 10 siblings too. PLUS my uncle the officiant, and his wife (and they have a son)..Just seems like a lot to ask! I'm stressing out!
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_invite-flower-girls-parents-rd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:4d1b4a0f-4717-40f8-b623-3befc73c55f3Post:8207a727-8313-4891-9eef-9817c97b3071">Re: Invite flower girls and parents to RD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess the biggest problem is, I'd have to ask my FMIL to add more people to the RD guest list...Two flower girls added to the list wouldn't be too much of a burden, I'm sure, but their parents and under age 10 siblings too. PLUS my uncle the officiant, and his wife (and they have a son)..Just seems like a lot to ask! I'm stressing out!
    Posted by cabanners[/QUOTE]

    It sounds like a lot to ask for, but when someone is planning a RD they need to keep in mind that the officiant and their spouse and anyone else involved in the wedding ceremony attends the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. If it's going to be too expensive, there's no need to hold the rehearsal at a nice restaurant. You're going to have another fancy evening the next night, why not have a more casual RD at your FMIL's home in the backyard or at a park? Our's was in the backyard and we tented it and it was so much more relaxed and we all enjoyed ourselves a lot more the night before the big day.
  • edited December 2011
    My 11-year-old cousin is walking my stepmom down the aisle to her seat, and we're inviting him to the rehearsal because we felt he'd need the chance to get used to walking down the aisle - which, of course, means he then is invited to the RD.  I think they should be invited.
    image
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_invite-flower-girls-parents-rd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:4d1b4a0f-4717-40f8-b623-3befc73c55f3Post:8207a727-8313-4891-9eef-9817c97b3071">Re: Invite flower girls and parents to RD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess the biggest problem is, I'd have to ask my FMIL to add more people to the RD guest list...Two flower girls added to the list wouldn't be too much of a burden, I'm sure, but their parents and under age 10 siblings too. PLUS my uncle the officiant, and his wife (and they have a son)..Just seems like a lot to ask! I'm stressing out!
    Posted by cabanners[/QUOTE]
    It looks like you added these people on a whim without thinking it all the way through. You could offer to make up the cost difference.
    image
  • edited December 2011

    Good point! I could offer to pay for them. I think that would be a great way to approach it. The RD is $45/pp and I really don't want to ask my FMIL to pay for more than she was planning to!

    SN: FMIL has 3 sons, no daughters. The RD is a bit more upscale than I thought it would be, but FMIL wanted to host a fancy event, since my mom is hosting all the fun MOB stuff.

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  • edited December 2011

    I say just tell her it didn't occur to you that these people should be/are also involved in the rehearsal and therefore should also be invited to the dinner.  Apologize for the confusion and offer to pay for the additional guests.

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