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FMIL Bridal Shower Drama

waterous.mwaterous.m
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in Pre-wedding Parties

My FMIL really hurt my feelings/pissed me off this weekend and I need to know how to address the situation. She is throwing me one shower in the state where she lives for my FIs family, and my sister is throwing a second one in my home state for my family members. This is fine, but the trouble started when my sister emailed my FMIL to let her know a few details about the shower she was throwing including letting her know that she was doing a "Lilly Pulitzer" theme and decorating in pink and green since its my favorite.
My FMIL somehow accidentally forwarded me a text message convo she had with a friend after revieving the email bashing my sister wanting to use a theme, bashing that anyone would care what color the decorations were, making fun of Lilly Pulitzer even though I love her designs, making fun of me, etc. She meant to send me a question her friend had for me and sent me their entire rude conversation in an email instead. I was crushed that she would mock me and my sister (who is just trying to do a nice thing for me) with her friend. I showed my FI who called her and let her know what she had done and that I was upset and she said she would apologize. She hasn't yet and quite frankly I am very upset that she is talking behind my back in this way since we have always been very close. Should I just wait and see if she ever apologizes or try and address this with her?


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Re: FMIL Bridal Shower Drama

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    banana468banana468 member
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    edited December 2011
    Well, your FI showed her that she made a huge blunder: never put in writing that you don't want to get back to you.

    Your FMIL may love you but she doesn't have to love your taste.  However, it does sound like the email got out of line.

    Your FMIL knows that you know.  But since she wasn't being a very good grown up, you can be now.  As long as it's just the shower detail that she bashed, I'd do what I can to move on.  If she doesn't offer a word of apology,  it's on her  hands.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
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    edited December 2011
    banana is right.  Your FMIL's email was mean-spirited, but it was sent to you in error.  Now that you know about it, your feelings are understandably very hurt.  Mine would be too.

    But now is not the time to return mean-spirited with mean-spirited.  Being the bigger person is never easy.  In fact, it's pretty hard.  But that's what I'd advise.  She knows what has happened.

    She should apologize for it.  But if she doesn't, I wouldn't recommend a confrontation.  Because that's just not going to end well for anyone.

    I'm sorry for what happened.  Enjoy your sister's shower.  She sounds like a pretty great sister.  Now, I have to google Lilly Pulitzer.  I don't know what that (she?) is. I'm off to learn something new.....
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    waterous.mwaterous.m
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    edited December 2011
    You guys are right I prob should just let it sit and if she apologizes great. She knows she hurt my feelings maybe she is just waiting until she see's me in person. I will just leave it otherwise a forced apology isn't a real one anyways. I will enjoy both showers either way, might as well enjoy myself no matter what!! And trix Lilly Pulitzer is a clothing designer who makes clothes in fun bright prints. Its not for everyone but I love it:) Thanks guys!

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    trix1223trix1223 member
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    edited December 2011
    waterous:  I looked up LillyP.  Some of the prints are really cute.  One of my DD's would love them because she's my "bold" girl and many of the prints are very bold!

    GL, and I hope things work out with your FMIL.  I have a great relationship with both my DIL and SIL, and I really cherish that.  I hope you can reach at least a level of comfort with yours and perhaps it can continue to grow after that.  Sorry for what happened.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    srkropfsrkropf member
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    edited December 2011
    PS if it makes you feel better my FMIL thought I was a boy when we first met because I was underdeveloped and had really short hair-- and we're great friends now.
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    likeadeadstarlikeadeadstar
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    edited December 2011
    Absolutely do not get mean back; look at it as giving her ammunition to deflect off of her extreme rudeness.  If you're rude to her, she will gossip and justify it to her friends and possibly FILs.  Being gracious and holding your head high leaves her in the proverbial doghouse, and besides, why waste energy on her meanness when you have an amazing day of love to plan for? :)
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    IAmLymeladyIAmLymelady member
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    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't be surprised if she's so embarrassed that she doesn't even know how to apologize.  It's pretty bad form to bash someone like that, and she probably didn't even think about how offensive it was when she was saying it.  Having to think about how you'd react to it and how it must have made you feel must have been mortifying (rightfully so) and she might be trying to figure out how to deal with it.  Who knows, she might never have the guts to apologize.

    Your sister did a really nice thing for you (btw, love Lilly Pulitzer), and it must have really hurt to see your FMIL make fun of her.  While it's not right to talk about someone behind their back, a lot of people do it, and it's not usually ill-intentioned.  If your FMIL is a gossip, that may be one thing that you need to accept about her and love her despite it.
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    larzhopelarzhope member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_fmil-bridal-shower-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:543d7c35-ead4-48fe-9611-42b3c31caed5Post:a04f236f-dafa-4028-9ef4-c27ccf4498df">Re: FMIL Bridal Shower Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I wouldn't be surprised if she's so embarrassed that she doesn't even know how to apologize</strong>.  It's pretty bad form to bash someone like that, and she probably didn't even think about how offensive it was when she was saying it.  Having to think about how you'd react to it and how it must have made you feel must have been mortifying (rightfully so) and she might be trying to figure out how to deal with it.  Who knows, she might never have the guts to apologize. Your sister did a really nice thing for you (btw, love Lilly Pulitzer), and it must have really hurt to see your FMIL make fun of her.  While it's not right to talk about someone behind their back, a lot of people do it, and it's not usually ill-intentioned.  If your FMIL is a gossip, that may be one thing that you need to accept about her and love her despite it.
    Posted by IAmLymelady[/QUOTE]

    this. i would be mortified
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