Shower invite etiquette

msummerf

My two best friends have offered to host a shower sometime in late June/early July.  Last weekend FMIL informed me she wants to host another shower for me two days before the wedding so that FI's family (most of whom I've never met) can be there.  I'm not thrilled with the timing but she'll be really upset if I decline, so whatever.

I have two questions:
1) She wants me to ensure that FI's aunts and female cousins are invited to both showers.  I've always been told one shower invite per person unless it's the mother/grandmother or maybe the wedding party.  Otherwise it seems terribly gift-grabby to me.  Am I being unreasonable?
2) Can I ask her to include my mom and grandmother at their family one?  I know I'm going to be exhausted and stressed out 2 days before the wedding, and I don't know that I can face a room full of strangers alone.

lneible

Relating to inviting guests to more than one shower: I've always been under that impression as well.  When my teammates at work arranged a department-wide shower for me, I zipped those five ladies off the guest list for the shower my FSIL is throwing. 
I would definitely ask FMIL about including your mom and grandmother.  Since a wedding is, after all, the blending of two families, I would assume (and you know what they say about when you assume) that she would graciously extend them an invite. 
And finally, as to the date, when is your wedding date in relation to the shower your best friends are throwing you?  If there's a reasonable window of time, you could ask FMIL about making the date a little less stressful for everyone and back it out from the wedding.  If you frame it to her as "I'm just worried it will put too much pressure on you as Mother of the Groom" then she may come at the date from the angle of making it more accommodating for all parties involved.

I hope this helps!

MairePoppy

1)In some families, there are family members that expect to receive courtesy invites to showers.  Maybe that's what your FMIL is talking about. But since she will be inviting fi's aunts and cousins to the shower she is hosting, I think it might look gift grabby to invite them to the first shower, as well.

2)The MOB, MOG, sisters, grandmothers, and wedding party should recieve courtesy invitations to all showers. That doesn't mean they have to attend every shower, but they can if they wish. So yes, your mom and grandmother should be included on the FMIL's guest list. Don't forget to include FMIL and groom's close family members on the guest list for the other shower.