Should I skip the bridal shower? Married ladies (and soon to be married ladies), please help!

KJ7985

Hi all The other day my friend told me that her bridal shower was about ten times more stressful than her actual wedding. My fiance and I already have a home with good quality basic things that we need, so the only wedding gifts we really want are the bigger ticket items. I feel like it might also be important to mention that I have seven bridesmaids, my mom, my fiance's mom, my aunt, my fiance's family friend, and sisters all over the place who wanted to partake in shower planning. Our wedding guest list is 275. 

I feel like there would be too many hands in the pot, too many people on the list, and not enough on the registry. Is it ok to skip the bridal shower and just have a small registry of nice wedding gifts (we would have the registry on our wedding website)? Did anyone skip the shower and regret it? Did anyone have a shower and wish they didn't? If you had to do it over again, would you still have a shower? I'm just looking for everyone's two cents, here...I appreciate the opinions!

SuMmErKuTiE

How was her bridal shower more stressful than the wedding itself? Your bridal shower is supposed to be planned and thrown for you so all you have to do is show up and mingle with your guests and open the gifts. It's horribly bad etiquette to throw your own bridal shower in honor of yourself. Therefore, since you're not planning it yourself, there shouldn't be any stress related to it.

If I were you, I'd just step back and let the moms and the bridal party take care of it. That's what I did, and it was so wonderful to just show up and enjoy my shower with all the other stress of planning going on. As for your wedding guest list being 275, you don't need to invite every woman invited to the wedding to the bridal shower. Find out from the hosts how many people they can afford to invite and then make your list from there. Usually, a shower consists of your closest female relatives and friends. We had 150 people invited to the wedding, but my bridal shower consisted of about 35 ladies.

SaraAndrew2010

I didn't find my bridal showers particularly stressful.  I found them to be fun, if a little tiring.  However, if you don't want to have a shower, you don't have to have one.  If you are only having a small registry, you should decline showers.

However, I will say a couple things.  First, even if you have a pretty full household, you may find that there are a lot of things like kitchen gadgets that you don't need but that are fun to get as presents.  Also, don't be afraid to upgrade to nicer versions of things like your sheets, towels, small appliances. 

Also, you may find that your BMs and relatives REALLY want to throw you a shower.  It's fine to tell them no, but they may be disappointed.  Also, since it sounds like there are lots of friends and relatives involved in your wedding, you may have multiple people offer to host showers.  That way you could break it into two or three smaller showers which you may find less stressful.

AdeleDazeem

I think that this doesn't concern you at all.

Someone else plans the shower and you should not have your hands anywhere near it.

If those in charge want to throw you a shower, be gracious and accept or politely decline.  But don't explain how "stressful" it might be for them to plan.  That's on them to figure out.

KJ7985

I've planned showers for other friends before and I do understand that the bride doesn't help with any of the planning--she pretty much gets to show up and rake in the gifts! I still have a few months to give this some thought...maybe I'll run the idea by my mom and sisters to see what they think. I also like the idea of having a few smaller showers, so that might be something to consider. Thanks for your comments, it gave me some good food for thought. 

palegirl146

If you are really concerned about adding stuff to your registry, think about things you would want if you had these people as guests in your home.  We don't drink much, but if people came over and brought us a bottle of wine, we would want a wine opener and wine glasses to share it with them.  Same goes for nice towels and sheets for a guest room and guest bath. 

If someone wants to throw you a shower, you might as well let them.  You can also tell the host to not include info about your registry.  Another current trend is to have several smaller showers that are themed--like a honeymoon shower for your college friends, and a kitchen shower for your mom's friends!  

lisalou402

I think that sometimes knowing a party is being thrown for you, or knowing that a surprise coming could also be stressful.  I knew when my shower was going to be, and i was very nervous about it.  And yes, I wasn't involved in the planning, but they consult with me on the date because I traveled for work and needed to make sure my schedule worked.

The stress for me was knowing this was a dry -run sort of for the wedidng with your friends and family there.    

Maybe it was her lack of control that stressed her out?   

Kristin789

>>I have seven bridesmaids, my mom, my fiance's mom, my aunt, my fiance's family friend, and sisters all over the place who wanted to partake in shower planning.

Traditionally the shower is thrown by the MOH, assisted by the BMs.  (Family members don't usually host showers because it looks totally gift grabby like this:  "Please get a really big gift for my kid - here's when and where to drop that off...")  Traditionally there will be about 17 people there, and those people will be your very closest friends, so it won't be awkward or weird or stressful.

If your mom and aunt and other family members on your side want to plan a party, they can host an engagement party, to introduce FI to your extended family.

If your FI's mom and other family members on his side want to plan a party, they can host an engagement party, to introduce you to his extended family.