family problems

truluv916

Okay so my problem is that I really dont care about having an e-party but I do want me and FH families to come together. The problem is that my cousin and his cousin do not get along (long story). Well they say that all problems have been dropped. I really dont think that FH cousin has dropped it. She is a complete AW and she wont even show up to events such as me and FH kids B-day parties, she just drops off her daughter and keeps going. She is in the wedding and so is my cousin and I just really want to have a dinner with our families so that I can see how everyone acts around each other. I am really nervous about this because there has been so many incidents (non-violent) but FH cousin can be really rude.

I would really appreciate any advice that I could get but please dont be rude! TIA!

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:582ed57c-0f60-40da-aac6-c46f453320a3Post:e046f4d8-491c-41b0-9e24-c16edf9df339">family problems</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay so my problem is that I really dont care about having an e-party but I do want me and FH families to come together. The problem is that my cousin and his cousin do not get along (long story). Well they say that all problems have been dropped. I really dont think that FH cousin has dropped it. She is a complete AW and she wont even show up to events such as me and FH kids B-day parties, she just drops off her daughter and keeps going. She is in the wedding and so is my cousin and I just really want to have a dinner with our families so that I can see how everyone acts around each other. I am really nervous about this because there has been so many incidents (non-violent) but FH cousin can be really rude. I would really appreciate any advice that I could get but please dont be rude! TIA!
Posted by truluv916[/QUOTE]

How big is this get together between families? I was under the impression that family "meet and greets" were more between the immediate families of the couple.

I don't know what kind of advice you're looking for. Assuming these are adults, I think you do need to expect them to behave as such. You're inviting them both to a dinner to see how they react. I understand you don't want any incidents to happen, so my suggestion would be to limit the amount of time they would have to spend together. Do both cousins really need to be invited to a family get-together for the meeting of the two families?

Just try and keep them apart and trust that they can act appropriately in public. If anything does come up, I'm sure your families can each do their part to keep them calm.

truluv916

The problem is that he was raised in the same house as his cousin so they are more like brother and sister and me and my cousin are also like sisters. They are both BM's I thought that if it was a wedding related event that I had to involve everyone in the party. They have not got along for about 3 1/2 out of the soon to be 7 years that we have been together. My concern is not with my cousin but with his, She can be quite the DIVA! lol.

  I am wanting everyone to come together for an event so that I can see how FH cousin responds to being around my cousin for so long, due to the fact that they will have to do alot together over the next 9 months. If FH cousin acts up at the the dinner then me and FH will have to have a sit down with her and see if she really wants to be in the wedding or not.

marissa_claire

I would just say this is their issue and leave it.  My family isn't crazy about a certain member of FI's family but if they can't be in the same room as someone that is much more their problem than your own. 

I think any joyous occasion should be enough for guests and relatives to put aside issues.   I mean obviously don't seat them together at the wedding, but they should otherwise be able to put aside their differences and deal with it.  Sometimes it's stressful when people get out of control, but if you worry about what they have going on you're just going to take on more stress than you need in this process.

If you feel comfortable with one of the cousins, maybe take them aside and address the issue.  If they refuse to behave in public places (such as an e-party) then maybe consider not inviting them.  If they can't put aside their differences to support you and your FI, then I'm not sure they should have the honor of being a guest at your wedding.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_family-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:582ed57c-0f60-40da-aac6-c46f453320a3Post:d30c6a21-9d3c-4150-bc26-2eb92fc3c993">Re: family problems</a>:
[QUOTE]The problem is that he was raised in the same house as his cousin so they are more like brother and sister and me and my cousin are also like sisters. They are both BM's I thought that if it was a wedding related event that I had to involve everyone in the party. They have not got along for about 3 1/2 out of the soon to be 7 years that we have been together. My concern is not with my cousin but with his, She can be quite the DIVA! lol.   I am wanting everyone to come together for an event so<strong> that I can see how FH cousin responds to being around my cousin for so long, due to the fact that they will have to do alot together over the next 9 months.</strong> If FH cousin acts up at the the dinner then me and FH will have to have a sit down with her and see if she really wants to be in the wedding or not.
Posted by truluv916[/QUOTE]

What exactly do you think that they have to do together in the next 9 months?  Because they don't have to do anything, really.

They don't have to go dress shopping with you.  They don't have to make favors.  They don't have to address or stuff invitations.  They don't have to make OOT bags.

They don't have to plan, throw, or attend showers, e-parties, or b-parties.  They don't have to go with you to hair trials, tastings, or venue visits.

Here's what they have to do:  show up on the day of the wedding, walk down the aisle, stand respectfully during the ceremony, and smile for photos.  That's it.

You're under a misconception if you think that your WP now has to become a new social unit, and/or that they have to help you plan and/or execute you wedding.  They don't.

ETA:  You don't get to dictate the tone or tenor of the replies you get here.  As soon as you put out a question, you accept that you're going to get replies that you might or might not agree with.

People won't necessarily be rude.  They will, however, be very honest, which will be more helpful than someone who merely says what you want to hear.

GL