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Control Freak!!

lexa10lexa10 member
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties

Hopefully some of you can relate to me..
I have been planning my wedding since I was born!! And because of that, I feel pretty confident that I know exactly what I want as far as pre-party themes and that sorta thing. I'm open to other ideas, but I will only get married once, and so I need/want it all to be perfect. I feel like I should delegate responsibilites myself. I don't have a vast amount of CLOSE friends,but the ones I do have are extremely outspoken and easily get their feelings hurt. That's why I feel like I shouldbe in control so that there are no hurt feelings, and everything is like I want. I go to school full time, work part, and work in our church's youth ministry full time, so I feel like I need to take control of this too!!
Help me!! I don't want to stress about all this! I want everything to be just perfect!!! Share any advice you have!!! :)

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Re: Control Freak!!

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My advice is to remember that you get to plan your wedding.

    You DO NOT however get to plan pre wedding events that are thrown in honor of you.  Those are thrown by others and your input should ONLY be given if it is requested of you.

    Remember, showers, bachelorettes and any other pre wedding event that you may have is a present.  And since you can't tell people how to give you a present, you need to chill out on that front.   Don't even think about delegating, relax, and focus on the event that you and your FI can plan together - the wedding.
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  • waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_control-freak?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:58db5b35-1c6d-4557-98b7-82806ecc9b15Post:acc650a3-edbf-4629-8143-4c8ab080f9db">Control Freak!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hopefully some of you can relate to me.. I have been planning my wedding since I was born!! And because of that, I feel pretty confident that I know exactly what   I want as far as pre-party themes and that sorta thing. I'm open to other ideas, but I will only get married once, and so I need/want it all to be perfect. I feel like I should delegate responsibilites myself. I don't have a vast amount of CLOSE friends,but the ones I do have are extremely outspoken and easily get their feelings hurt. That's why I feel like I shouldbe in control so that there are no hurt feelings, and everything is like I want. I go to school full time, work part, and work in our church's youth ministry full time, so I feel like I need to take control of this too!! Help me!! I don't want to stress about all this! I want everything to be just perfect!!! <strong>Share any advice you have!!!</strong> :)
    Posted by lexa10[/QUOTE]

    Stop freaking out. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. If the flowers were late and DJ played the wrong song and the flower girl tripped and you had a bridal shower with no theme and a girls night in b-party, but still got married at end of it all, would you be upset? Because it sounds more like you're concerned with everything BUT actually getting married to the man you love.

    I can tell you right now if you go out and plan like this and boss everyone around because it all has to be perfect, then you are going to drive away a lot of people who mean a lot to you. Some might even throw around the term bridezilla behind your back, and if you really piss them off they might even say it to your face.

    Remember that while you have planning your wedding since "you were born" your FI may have ideas as well. Are you going to tell him he can't have the wedding of his dreams because your ideas are more important?

    Do you see where I'm going with all of this? Because I can tell you there were some things that were really important to me at the beginning that I chucked out the window at the end, but I'm still happy because I married the most wonderful man and he makes me happy every single day.

    So just relax and I promise that just because you don't have control over every. single. little. item. it will turn out okay.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_control-freak?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:58db5b35-1c6d-4557-98b7-82806ecc9b15Post:acc650a3-edbf-4629-8143-4c8ab080f9db">Control Freak!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hopefully some of you can relate to me.. I have been planning my wedding since I was born!! And because of that, I feel pretty confident that I know exactly what   I want as far as pre-party themes and that sorta thing. I'm open to other ideas, but I will only get married once, and so I need/want it all to be perfect. I feel like I should delegate responsibilites myself. I don't have a vast amount of CLOSE friends,but the ones I do have are extremely outspoken and easily get their feelings hurt. That's why I feel like I shouldbe in control so that there are no hurt feelings, and everything is like I want. I go to school full time, work part, and work in our church's youth ministry full time, so I feel like I need to take control of this too!! Help me!! I don't want to stress about all this! I want everything to be just perfect!!! Share any advice you have!!! :)
    Posted by lexa10[/QUOTE]

    #1:  Lose the idea of everything being "perfect".  Because that's not going to happen.  And so what?  Will you be any less married with a "perfect" wedding as you will with one that has some glitches?

    #2:  You don't have any say in pre-wedding parties.  You can, if asked, offer your preference, but that doesn't mean that you get that.  You don't plan parties, you don't throw parties, and you certainly don't micromanage parties. 

    So either accept that the pre-wedding parties might not be "perfect" in YOUR mind, or decline the offer if someone should care to throw one for you.

    #3:  You've really been planning your wedding since you were born?  Does you groom get any input into this PPD that is, apparently, decades in the making?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    ditto Trix.
    If you try to adhere to that perfect wedding vision, you are going to get frustrated and disappointed. Nothing is perfect.

    If someone asks you about shower preferences, then it's okay to share some of your ideas, as long as they are reasonable.  The shower hostess gets to decide what is do-able. You shouldn't plan your own shower.


                       
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  • lexa10lexa10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    After reading my post, I feel like maybe I should clarify what I mean. My fiance really wants no say in the wedding. He has voiced his opinion on a few things such as wearing pink and red, and said that he doesn't want to get married outside. Other than that, he is open to any suggestions I have.
    One of my best friends just had her bridal shower, and she told everyone that she wanted a pink and zebra theme.. So I didn't know it was out of the ordinary for the bride to do that.
    I feel like I gave the impression that I wanted everything to be perfect and if one single thing went wrong, then my day was gonna be ruined. That is the farthest from the truth. I want everything PLANNED perfectly from A-Z. But the day of, I would be lying if I said I didn't want anything to go wrong. I want there to be little mess-ups and mistakes so that my husband and I will be able to tlook at and laugh and say, "That was OUR wedding!"
    I want everything to be a showcase of us and the things that we love, and I want there to be things that go wrong after all of the hard planning. That's what makes it OUR wedding!

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  • waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_control-freak?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:58db5b35-1c6d-4557-98b7-82806ecc9b15Post:91361d0c-bb11-4cb1-b6a3-0a0a3f7c4eab">Re: Control Freak!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]After reading my post, I feel like maybe I should clarify what I mean. My fiance really wants no say in the wedding. He has voiced his opinion on a few things such as wearing pink and red, and said that he doesn't want to get married outside. Other than that, he is open to any suggestions I have. One of my best friends just had her bridal shower, and she told everyone that she wanted a pink and zebra theme.. So I didn't know it was out of the ordinary for the bride to do that. I feel like I gave the impression that I wanted everything to be perfect and if one single thing went wrong, then my day was gonna be ruined. That is the farthest from the truth. I want everything PLANNED perfectly from A-Z. But the day of, I would be lying if I said I didn't want anything to go wrong. I want there to be little mess-ups and mistakes so that my husband and I will be able to tlook at and laugh and say, "That was OUR wedding!" I want everything to be a showcase of us and the things that we love, and I want there to be things that go wrong after all of the hard planning. That's what makes it OUR wedding!
    Posted by lexa10[/QUOTE]

    Okay. This makes a little more sense. I thought you were going off the deep end in that other post.

    This is what you need to understand about bridal showers and bach parties: They are a gift given to you by whoever chooses to host them. Therefore, the host gets to make any and all planning decisions except 1: she should ask for your input on a guest list since it's your friends who are being invited. Your friend was out of line demanding a theme and unfortunately she didn't have a message board full of helpful people to correct her. You should trust your friends or family to host a wonderful event if they choose to do so.

    And it sounds like you have plenty of things on your plate already, so wouldn't it be nice to let someone else take the reins on this?
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_control-freak?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:58db5b35-1c6d-4557-98b7-82806ecc9b15Post:abb0ea1c-ac90-4d9a-b37c-68c4ad607d57">Re: Control Freak!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Control Freak!! : Okay. This makes a little more sense. I thought you were going off the deep end in that other post<strong>. This is what you need to understand about bridal showers and bach parties: They are a gift given to you by whoever chooses to host them. Therefore, the host gets to make any and all planning decisions except 1: she should ask for your input on a guest list since it's your friends who are being invited. Your friend was out of line demanding a theme and unfortunately she didn't have a message board full of helpful people to correct her. You should trust your friends or family to host a wonderful event if they choose to do so</strong>. And it sounds like you have plenty of things on your plate already, so wouldn't it be nice to let someone else take the reins on this?
    Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

    This. You don't get much say (if any) in your pre-wedding parties. Don't micro manage, that isn't what they're about. Just keep reminding yourself that they are gifts to you in and of themselves: would you dictate what your friend gave to you as a birthday gift? (Please say no).
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  • marissa_clairemarissa_claire member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Get rid of that "p" word (perfect) and you'll be a lot happier in this wedding stuff.  If you plan on controlling everything, you might as well call WE TV and get on Bridezillas while you're at it to make the experience more memorable.  
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  • chaiteachickchaiteachick member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    OMG, I'm so worried I'll end up being a bridezilla, so I hear you, OP. :)

    *hugs*

    Just remember that we don't want to drive our loved ones away! :-D
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  • myweddingbells2010myweddingbells2010 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A little funny from my fiance to me... and now I'll share it with you.

    "Is a wedding still a success if it comes off without a hitch?"  Tee hee... umm, yes, he loves puns.  Fortunately, so do I.

    Your wedding will be great.  Try to relax and enjoy the ups and downs of the ride. Smile
    "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." ~ Sam Keets
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  • KaylaSue19KaylaSue19
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah I planned my wedding since I was 5 too. You might want to make sure all these "perfect plans" are within a budget. I had to pretty much throw half of it out the window when it came down to it. Not trying to sound rude, just realistic.
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  • kimandken2010kimandken2010
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I say tell everyone what you want so that you won't be disappointed.  I think it is fine to state your preferences for the showers, etc.  After all, it's not like your friends can read your mind!
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  • jsleikjsleik
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the points brought up by other responses.  One other thing I'd throw in as a bride who has thrown more than her fair share of showers (wedding, baby, you name it)  Do NOT nix ideas that the hostesses put out there.  This is their gift to you.  And if that means it is not the theme you would have picked first or isn't just what you planned in your head, go with it.  Maybe they have some great ideas that you hadn't even thought of or have ideas that will surprise you. 

    You also mentioned that some of your friends are sensitive and you are worried about their feelings getting hurt.  Beyond handing over a guest list to the hostesses, you really have no more say than that about it.  You are not the host of these events.  If they have problems, they need to take that up with the people who are hosting.  But my guess - they aren't senstive as you think.  Does anyone really complain about getting to go to a party and celebrate that someone you care about is happily getting married?  I've never known anyone who does!!

    Take a deep breath.  Remember these are people who want to "shower" you with their love.  And enjoy every little thing they are doing to show it - that is the only thing you need to do!

    :-)
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