Pre-wedding Parties

How important is the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner?

Hello All,

Let me preface this by saying I'm currently stuck in the quagmire that is my dissertation, which at the moment is causing more stress than the wedding.  I'm trying my hardest to be a calm, laid-back bride, so if this turns out to be me having a stress-induced Bridezilla moment, please tell me.

I was just curious as to how important you all think the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner are.  I thought they were pretty important, and that all wedding party members needed to attend.  I think my fiance has a different view. 

A few weeks ago he mentioned that the readers didn't need to come; I told him that yes, they did, and the church hand-out even SAYS they should be there.  His response was that if his reader couldn't make it in time, he wasn't going to push it, because "everyone else's lives don't stop for our wedding."

Today, I get an email from him that one of the groomsmen has scheduled his flight to arrive at 7pm on Friday, but might change to a later flight.  The wedding is 2pm Saturday.  Again, when I brought up this might be a problem, he responded, "their lives won't stop for our wedding."

Now, of course I realize this is true.  I guess I just felt that, when you are in the wedding party, there is an extra level of expectation.  Bridesmaids have to buy dresses, groomsmen rent tuxes, and everyone has to come a day earlier.  I'm having to do so for a wedding in two weeks.  Would it be more convenient to go down the day of the wedding?  Of course.  But I'm a bridesmaid, and that means being there for the dinner.

Sorry this turned out to be much longer than I originally planned.  Any feedback, including "Take a Chill Pill!" will be appreciated.  I just figured I should get some non-biased opinions before discussing it with him.

Re: How important is the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner?

  • edited December 2011
    Your WP isn't required to come the day before. Like you FI said, their lives don't revolve around your wedding. If you are having a complicated ceremony (lots of readings, and lots of people are involved, and children involved.) a rehearsal can be really helpful so have one but don't make it the end of the world if some people can't make it.

    Of course it is convenient to see the venue, do a run through, but it doesn't always happen. Just let your WP know any pertinent information before hand.

    If you are having a rehearsal you definitely need an RD. If you aren't having a rehearsal an RD is still a nice way to thank your WP for their time and effort.

    Sidenote: we aren't having a rehearsal and I am totally cool with that. All of our WP will be here the Friday before and we are just having a rehearsal dinner.
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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it's somewhat important... I fall somewhere between your FI and you. Yes, I think the reader's and the WP should be there... but if they can't make it, I'm not upset. My readers are both in town, but if one of them had a conflict or had to work late... oh well. We have some out of town WP members... if they can't come in till Sat morning... oh well.

    They miss out on getting the run through, and on the awesome dinner (although if they can come for the dinner and not the run through, I'm cool with that too)... but most of the WP will be there. If most of the WP couldn't be there... we'd probably just skip the rehearsal and have a dinner with our families, but we're also scheduling the rehearsal to make it as convenient as possible for everyone so that we DON"T want to worry about that, because I do think a rehearsal and dinner are important things that I want =)
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  • edited December 2011
    You know, I've been wondering whether a rehearsal is necessary as well. And I think my fiance and I have come to the conclusion that in our case, it's not. It's true that everyone else's lives keep going and don't stop for our wedding, and rather than go through the stress and expense of trying to put together a rehearsal and dinner that will cost us around 1K (which is enormous considering that our wedding has a 10K budget), we've pretty much decided to nix the rehearsal. If our attendants want to see how a wedding works, they will just have to watch some youtube videos :P

    It really depends on your wedding. If it is an elaborate ceremony, a run-through might be useful. And if you have the budget, it might be a nice way to spend the day/evening before the wedding. But if you choose to not have a rehearsal, it shouldn't impact your ceremony in any bad way. You will have a pastor/officiant who will be there to gently direct everyone during the ceremony :)
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  • edited December 2011
    Its definitely helpful. HOWEVER, we have readers and bridal and groom's party members who are out of towners and we're having a Friday wedding.

    If the readers can't make it or are late for the wedding, just make sure they know what they are reading and to practice what they are saying so their part will go smoothly.
  • HeatherBobHeatherBob member
    Seventh Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Our rehersal and dinner were more fun than I anticipated - but I did expect everyone to be there (minus the readers). I think it is important for everyone to at least come to the rehersal because we are all learning what we're doing and where to stand etc. The rehersal dinner was fun because our families could mesh before the wedding and oru wedding party could get to know each other better.
  • lucy2113lucy2113 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_important-rehearsalrehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:59410fb3-92ad-4a87-8954-209ea177b6caPost:4aadd8d4-aa56-4c4b-8131-bdd7ee85980e">Re: How important is the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Consider whether you need a rehearsal. Odds are that you don't, unless it's a complicated religious ceremony that the wedding party is unfamiliar with. You can easily shoot an email to everyone with the order of the service. That's all they really need to know. Adults don't need to be told how to walk in a line.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I too am finding that a rehearsal isn't necessary for a couple reasons. One that adults don't need to be told how to walk in a line and we're not doing anything complicated, and two- for us it's an unnecessary expense. Also, our WP is comprised of our friends who all already know each other with exception to the Best Man. He's wanting to host a 'mixer' party with all of us anyway.
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