RSVP Question

sarahfowler38

I need some advise about RSVPs. We are having our wedding at a ski mountain during the summer, which means that it is pretty dead. Almost all of our guests are coming in from out of town, so we are renting out a bar/band for the night before so everyone has something to do. We are also providing a shuttle service from the hotel to the bar and back for that night.

We are not buying food for everyone that night (only those involved in the rehearsal), but it will be available at the restaurant. The restaurant has asked for a general head count so he can make sure there is enough food available (especially since it's an off-season and he doesn't usually have much available).

My family thinks that I should put it on the RSVP cards for the wedding, which I would normally agree with, but I'm wondering if it is inapprorpiate to ask for an RSVP to something that we aren't paying for. I understand we need to get a head count, and I can't really think of another way. Thoughts? Is this okay?

waltzingmatilda13

You should not have a formal invitation and RSVP for something that you are technically not hosting (i.e. providing food and drink). So no, don't do what your parents are asking. 

Also, you are having those involved in the RD and those not all come together, but you're only paying for some? This would be really rude, especially once those that aren't being hosted find out. I suggest having dinner with only those people involved in the rehearsal. Then you can have everyone else come hang out afterwards and have drinks. At this point I really think it's need to be all or nothing: you pay for everyone's drinks or no one's. I would send out by word of mouth that you getting together with people at such-and-such restaurant for anyone who wants to join you. This pretty much implies that people are on their own for food and drinks.

sarahfowler38

Sorry, should have been more specific. We are having a separate dinner beforehand for the Rehersal dinner with our wedding party. I definitely want that separately because I do think it's rude to everyone else. Once we all get to the bar, we aren't paying for anyone. I just wanted to have the bar open so that everyone would have something to do the night before if they wanted since it's so dead there otherwise.

I agree with letting people know by word of mouth. We've already started telling people that the bar will be there for anyone who wants to hang out and everyone is aware that they're on there own for food and drinks that night.

I'm just not sure how to get a somewhat accurate headcount. It doesn't have to be wedding accurate, but the bar is wanting a general idea. Do I go around to all circles of friends and ask?

waltzingmatilda13

Okay, well your plan sounds good then. 

I would just ask around and estimate how many people you think will be there. If you're blocking hotel rooms as well you can call the hotel and find out how many they are expecting. That should give you a good idea. Also, depending on the time it might be so late that most people will eat ahead of time, especially if they know the bar thing is happening after the RD.