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complaining bridesmaids

nutty mieshanutty miesha
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
I need some sort of help or advice to deal with whiny and complaing bridesmaids.  I have 6 girls in the wedding party.  3 of them are friends & 3 are family members.  My sister is the MOH and has had her fair share of complaining but I can put that as she doesn't want anything bad to go wrong with anything that has been put on her plate.  My other 2 family members have been great and have been very helpful.  My 3 friends on the other side haven't been.  They have complained about every single thing.  The bridesmaid dress which cost $150 (includes tax) which was purchased by Davids Bridal.  Only reason I chose Davids Bridal was because some of the girls live in other States and I wanted a place they could easily walk into and purchase the gown.  They complained about the price!!  Then the bridal and bachelorette party which will be held over Memorial Day wknd since everyone lives in different states or cities.  They complained about the cost of the limo.  I didn't realize that prom season was in May.  COmpletly forgot about that, but I chose that wknd primarily because everyone has a 3 day wknd.  I thought it would be more helpful to them since then they wouldn't need to take any extra time off of work. And everyone was all onboard when I discussed this plan back in Dec-Jan.  Know the 3 bridesmaids can't stop complaining about the price of everything right down to the make up artist (which was optional).  I have been trying not to be a bridezilla and I have asked everyone countless times if they were ok with everything that they had to pay for.  No one said anything negative when I proposed these things to them at the begining of the year.  And know they all want to act out like its an inconvenience.  I have other stresses and pressures to deal with besides whiny girls.  What can I do so that I don't turn into a bridezilla and go crazy!!!  Thank you for all your input.  I will need it.  Frown
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Re: complaining bridesmaids

  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Did you ask them for their dress budget before picking out the $150 one? Because they should have been asked for their budget first to avoid a problem like this. Some people can't or find it very difficult to afford a $150 dress that is usually only worn once.

    You shouldn't be planning your bachelorette party. If the limo is too expensive for them to afford, then there won't be one. Someone else hosts that party for you, and if the bridal party is all chipping in then again, they need to be asked their budgets before plans are made.

    If the make up artist is truly optional, then just tell them this "Hey, there is a makeup artist I'll be seeing which costs x dollars. Let me know if you'd like to make an appointment with her, and if not, we'll meet up after that!" They really shouldn't be complaining about a makeup artist they don't have to pay for or be involved with.

    Also, it can be really different to say "Hey, so let's go shopping for dresses and how do you feel about getting a limo and makeup done?" and everyone says yes at the time, because that sounds fun. But after a few months, when it comes time to actually book these things, opinions can change once they realize how expensive it is. Maybe their finances have changed for a reason you aren't aware of.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_complaining-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:68f206a2-dc42-4154-8132-76d9cefc4e1fPost:3fdcf72b-4dc4-4fc2-8d49-141a984065b8">complaining bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need some sort of help or advice to deal with whiny and complaing bridesmaids.  I have 6 girls in the wedding party.  3 of them are friends & 3 are family members.  My sister is the MOH and has had her fair share of complaining but I can put that as she doesn't want anything bad to go wrong with anything that has been put on her plate.  My other 2 family members have been great and have been very helpful.

     My 3 friends on the other side haven't been.  They have complained about every single thing.  The bridesmaid dress which cost $150 (includes tax) which was purchased by Davids Bridal.  Only reason I chose Davids Bridal was because some of the girls live in other States and I wanted a place they could easily walk into and purchase the gown.  They complained about the price!! 

    Then the bridal and bachelorette party which will be held over Memorial Day wknd since everyone lives in different states or cities.  They complained about the cost of the limo.  I didn't realize that prom season was in May. 

    COmpletly forgot about that, but I chose that wknd primarily because everyone has a 3 day wknd.  I thought it would be more helpful to them since then they wouldn't need to take any extra time off of work.

    And everyone was all onboard when I discussed this plan back in Dec-Jan.  Know the 3 bridesmaids can't stop complaining about the price of everything right down to the make up artist (which was optional).

     I have been trying not to be a bridezilla and I have asked everyone countless times if they were ok with everything that they had to pay for.  No one said anything negative when I proposed these things to them at the begining of the year. 

    And know they all want to act out like its an inconvenience.  I have other stresses and pressures to deal with besides whiny girls.  What can I do so that I don't turn into a bridezilla and go crazy!!!  Thank you for all your input.  I will need it. 
    Posted by nutty miesha[/QUOTE]

    Paragraphs are your friend.  And good luck to you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • nutty mieshanutty miesha
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have not planned any of the parties.  The MOH is just keeping me informed with the details of events.  I do understand everyones financial situations can change.  I even sent out mass emails to let them know how much $$ everything would be before things even were purchased. I did let everyone know that the make up artist was optional.  2 people agreed to it and it was the 2 of the girls that have complained about $$.

    I completly understand that budgets can change weekly or even daily.  But I just felt like the girls could be a little easy on me when it comes to constant complaining. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The thing is, you really should have said, "What is your budget?" and not, "Here is how much you need to spend."   One tells your BMs that you're working within THEIR budgets.  The other says that you're telling them how things need to be.  The latter can be quite off-putting when your friend originally ASKED you to be in her wedding and then suddenly she's telling you how much you need to spend for the honor.

    Regarding the make up artist cost, if you can afford to subsidize some of that then great.  If not, just reiterate that you're happy for them to DIY and there is no pressure to use the artist at all.

    And tell your MOH to keep you out of the details of your bachelorette.  If a limo is too expensive for them then you don't get one and someone is the DD.  That's hardly an awful thing.

    The big thing here is that I think your BMs have every right to be resentful if their money was spent without their consent.
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  • nutty mieshanutty miesha
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You raised a good point.  I never thought about it that way.  Thanks for clarifying that for me.  I will definitely be open with communication regarding budgets.  Thank you!! 
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If the MOH is planning, then it isn't your place to get involved. There is no need for a limo at all, so if the MOH makes a comment you could say something like "I'm not planning it, but we don't need to have a limo if that's out of the budget."

    If they agreed to the MUA and they're now complaining, then just ignore them over that. It's their decision. Just reiterate that it's optional and they don't have to do it if it's too much money.

    Have the dresses been ordered? If they haven't, I'd talk to them about their budget now and find something that fits that.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_complaining-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:68f206a2-dc42-4154-8132-76d9cefc4e1fPost:c6c70784-0a84-4809-a302-baf53ae20573">Re: complaining bridesmaids</a>:
    [QUOTE]You raised a good point.  I never thought about it that way.  Thanks for clarifying that for me.  I will definitely be open with communication regarding budgets.  Thank you!! 
    Posted by nutty miesha[/QUOTE]

    YW! 

    FWIW, remember that a bachelorette does NOT need to be an orate deal.  Mine was dinner and drinks with friend and it was a blast.  The point is to have fun - not to see how expensive the night can be.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    The MOH should be working out the details of the bp with the bms. If they are telling her the limo is not in their budgets, she should not rent a limo. If the bms have offered to help pay for the bp, they get a say in how their money is being spent. It's that simple.

    Good luck.
                       
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