Engagement and Shower woes. Who's invited to what?!

ahhmunduh

Hi all,

First time poster here. I'm in a serious pickle. My MOH and my mother are throwing me a bridal shower and my FMIL offered to throw my fiance and I an engagement party. However, now there is a big argument going on, specifally with my FMIL, about who is invited to what. I, personally, do not want a large shower. Invited are immediate families from both sides, close friends, and VERY close family friends. However, my FMIL feels that every single woman, basically, should be invited, which would end up being close to 100 females. Including women I have never met in my life before (her work friends, mostly). My fiance and I feel that those people should be invited to our engagment party, and feel that the engagement party is a way for people to meet everyone. Both parties can meet, family members can meet, and friends can meet. Its now gotten to the point where my FMIL wants to ditch the engagement party and now throw me a seperate bridal shower with these random women I've never met. I just think thats a little strange and a bit of a slap in the face to my mother and MOH, as in "yours wasnt good enough so I threw your daughter/best friend another". Not to mention, a party in my honor with all women I have never met before, without my fiance to introduce me, is also a little strange. "Hi, thank you lady ive never met until just now for the tupperware set". Apparently, her main concern was cost of the engagment party. If she throws an engagement party, she wants to do it at a resturaunt, which would be approx 50 a person, plus rental fees. However, she contradicts herself by informing us that she would give my MOH money for extra people to attend the bridal shower. We told her numberous times that she should just put that money towards the engagement party, or, host it elsewhere so it wouldnt cost so much, ie; one of our homes. Basically, she responded with a "its what I want" attitude and about how she "needs" these people there. I should probably mention that she also bumped our original wedding guest list from 125 to 200. 

 

I know that traditions have changed and there is no exact answer for any of this, so I guess Im just looking for opinions. Im in over my head and so aggrivated, any input would help! Thanks!!

HobokensFury

I think it depends.  In our area every single woman invited to the wedding is invited to the shower regardless of their relationship with the bride. SO in that case FMIL would be right.  I think you should talk to you MOH and see how many guest she could accomidate at the shower and give you FMIL a set amount of people she can invite based on that number.

MairePoppy

It's not unusual around here for there to be two showers, one for each side of the family. This is practical when there are a lot of close family members on both sides or if the bride and groom's families leave far apart. If you feel uncomfortable about meeting your future family members at your shower, ask  your fi to stay and make introductions.

If you had a great relationship with your FMIL, you could suggest a couple's shower for her side so your fi will get to spend time with his family,too.

I feel the same way that you do about her coworkers being invited to the shower. It seems a little strange to me. Are you inviting those people to your wedding? If you are, then it FMIL's prerogative to invite them to the shower she is hosting.

Maddie1225

I have had a similar situation with my FMIL. She too wanted me to have a chance to meet many of her friends, extended family, etc... So she threw a separate shower for me on her own. It was a recipe shower so I didn't have to feel weird about gifts from people I didn't know, etc. It actually turned out to be nice and I enjoyed meeting people who are important to her. My MOH and others will be throwing me a traditional shower next month with people whom I'm closer to. I didn't think it was at all odd to have 2 events. I'd suggest letting her throw you a separate shower and just go along with it. It's nice that she's excited to have a FDIL, and that she wants to show you off

ahhmunduh

We have agreed on two showers. One for my family, who lives in MA/NH and one for my fiances, in RI. The engagement party would have ended up being more expensive, and as someone noted, its getting a bit too late. Thank you all for your input

librababy

Give her free reign of the engagement party and allowe her to invite who she wants but suggest other, less expensive locations (a persons home, catered food, etc). 

I agree with you though, i don't want a huge shower but the engagement party will have more people. Sit her down, let her invite a couple of people to the shower (5-10 maybe), but not 100. Then tell her to go crazy with the guest list for the engagement, which she can go ahead and start planning now.