Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower Attendees paying?

It seems to be a not-so-uncommon thing at least here in South Florida for the bridal shower hostess to ask attendees to contribute to the bridal shower, for example to give $20 to attend, which goes towards the shower, and if any money is left over it goes to the bachelorette party. I was wondering if anyone else has seen this?

I'm particularly curious because my MOH has her own small business and became pregnant and has to save up for maternity leave since she doesn't get paid for maternity leave. She will be 7 months pregnant at my wedding. I feel guilty now given her situation that she already has to travel to Boston and pay all the expenses that go along with that. So I do not expect her to pay for the shower. My 2 other bridesmaids that are here in Florida also don't have a lot of expendable income, and neither does my mom, who is already contributing a lot for the wedding. I don't have many relatives and have not had any other offers of hosting a shower.

Anyway, I don't really care if I have a shower or not, but MOH has mentioned to me that she would like to plan one. So this idea of asking attendees to contribute crossed my mind to help her out with the cost, yet at the same time, I think some people would consider it tacky, rude. Thoughts?
BabyFruit Ticker

Re: Bridal Shower Attendees paying?

  • edited December 2011
    I have no problem paying for my dinner and drinks for a bachelorette party but if I was asked to pay toward a shower I was invited to attend, I'd be bothered.  Your MOH should host what she can afford herself or not host at all.

    It doesn't have to be fancy; drinks and snacks at her home can be more than sufficient.
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  • edited December 2011
    Ummm..I definitely think it is rude to ask a shower guest to contribute to the shower. That would be like asking a wedding guest to contribute to a wedding. The host of whatever party is responsible for paying.

    Now, as for a Bach party, I think it is pretty common for attendees to pay for their own dinner and drinks and then to split up the costs of the bride. At least that is the way it is in my region.

    Side note-I got a baby shower invite in the mail that said guests are "strongly encouraged to contribute $20 to a group gift" and I was really offended. I was planning on spending about $50 anyways so it isn't a money issue it is a lack-of-manners issue.

    If someone offers to host something they need to come up with the funds.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-attendees-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:6a5fb8c4-9e3b-4d0c-bbfb-4a651f8cc42aPost:31312e84-609e-4742-b449-d2be7cb6e5c0">Bridal Shower Attendees paying?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It seems to be a not-so-uncommon thing at least here in South Florida for the bridal shower hostess to ask attendees to contribute to the bridal shower, for example to give $20 to attend, which goes towards the shower, and if any money is left over it goes to the bachelorette party. I was wondering if anyone else has seen this? I'm particularly curious because my MOH has her own small business and became pregnant and has to save up for maternity leave since she doesn't get paid for maternity leave. She will be 7 months pregnant at my wedding. I feel guilty now given her situation that she already has to travel to Boston and pay all the expenses that go along with that. So I do not expect her to pay for the shower. My 2 other bridesmaids that are here in Florida also don't have a lot of expendable income, and neither does my mom, who is already contributing a lot for the wedding. I don't have many relatives and have not had any other offers of hosting a shower. Anyway, I don't really care if I have a shower or not, but MOH has mentioned to me that she would like to plan one. So this idea of asking attendees to contribute crossed my mind to help her out with the cost, yet at the same time, I think some people would consider it tacky, rude. Thoughts?
    Posted by CrazyMary77[/QUOTE]
    For the bachlorette party, everyone usually pays for themselves. It's just a good time everyone has together with the bride before she begins the next chapter in her life.

    A bridal shower is an event hosted and paid for. People come and give the bride gifts and have a good time. They are giivng you a gift and shouldn't be expected to also pay for thei food.
    The MOH does not have to be the one paying for it because the MOH doesn't have to be the one hosting it. Anyone can throw you a bridal shower. So if she can't afford it, maybe it would be best to wait and see if someone else offers to throw you one.

    There are cheaper alternative to throwing a bridal shower other than the usual. Backyard bbq are becoming more common and popular.
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  • edited December 2011
    Yeah I agree, I feel it's rude. I was just curious to see what others' experiences have been. Thanks!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • loop0406loop0406 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it's rude also. I would contribute for a bachelorette party for drinks, food, limo, etc but not a shower.
  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm in FL and have NEVER been asked to pay my own way for a shower.  i would decline if that's what was required.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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