Pre-wedding Parties

FI thinks showers are in poor taste but I don't. Thoughts?

My fiancee and I were discussing my bridal shower (I was putting together a guest list for it to hand to my BMs), and he blurted out that he had always thought that they were in poor taste. I always thought that they were the norm, it never occured to me that some people might feel differently. 

Anyway, he started asking me about the gifts, and I wasn't sure how to answer his questions. Typically do guests of a bridal shower shop off of the couple's wedding registry? Do they generally give a gift for the shower AND the wedding itself, or just one?

Lastly, I've heard of theme bridal showers. You could choose a lingerie-themed one where all your girlfriends get you something cute for your honeymoon, or a kitchen/cooking-themed one, etc. Has anyone had a themed one and what theme did you choose?

Re: FI thinks showers are in poor taste but I don't. Thoughts?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Well, showers are always thrown FOR you and not BY you.  Unless your BMs are asking for the list, don't just supply them with one or it could come across as rather demanding.  I'm not really a fan of themes unless the theme has nothing to do with the gifts.  For example, my BMs threw me a 'beach themed' shower but that was for the decor and not the actual gift items.

    How the gifts are given can depend on the person and crowd.  I always give a gift for a shower and a wedding - but I assume that I'm very close to the bride if I'm going to the shower.
  • racheladineracheladine member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you so much for your help! Actually, my MOH requested a guest list, that's why I was working on one :)    It's her first time throwing a bridal shower and she's leaning a lot on the other BM's for help, but she was asking me if I was interested in a theme.

    So when you got a shower, did the guests go off of your registry? How did they know what to get you? Or did they come up with their own gifts? This is where I'm stuck, lol. Thanks in advance!
  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I went to one that was a recipe theme. All the guests were asked to bring their favorite recipe with them to make a recipe book for the bride. It was a big hit. (people also brought gifts) If I was having a shower, I'd prefer something like that.

    I went to one that was themed " 'Round the clock" and every guest was assigned a time of day and had to get a gift for that time of day. I ended up with midnight and I couldn't think of anything that I really wanted to get them that was sleep or sex related. It was really hard, and I don't prefer that theme.

    In my experience, a couple has set up their registry before the shower, so people shop off the registry. In my circle, if you bring a shower gift, then you just bring a card to the wedding. In other circles, though, its customary to bring a shower gift and a wedding gift. Having a registry helps guide your guests towards your preferences and needs.

    Lingerie showers are NMS, because I don't want anyone knowing my sizes, or pikcing out my undies.
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FWIW, my FI doesn't like the idea of them either. He told me that if there was anything I wanted to register for, he'd just buy it for me... no help at all!!Tongue out

    But I don't think I'm having one, so its a moot point.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Showers are not considered tasteless in American culture. If your fi's family members are from another country, you might want to get some advice from your FMIL before putting his family members on the guest list.

    Some guests shop from the bridal registry for the shower and wedding. Expect that some guests will bring homemade gifts or items that are not on your registry. I usually shop from the registry for the shower and bring a card (with $$) to the wedding. Just make sure you have a large price range of gifts, so that everyone can find something affordable. Whatever you do, don't put the registry info in the wedding invitations.



                       
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Showers are very much a part of wedding tradition, and not considered in poor taste at all.  In our circle, showers are small intimate parties (typically less than 25 guests) with a guest list made up of only closest family and friends.

    If we are invited to a shower, we give both a shower gift from the registry, and then a wedding gift that is usually cash or something else from the registry.

    My DDs shower was loosely built around a "Love is Sweet" theme.  Each BM brought a favorite dessert, and a bottle of wine.  We also had strawberry lemonade for those who were not wine drinkers.  I provided a fruit and cheese platter to offset all the sweets.

    DD's FMIL made favors using a heart shaped cookie cutter with a recipe for sugar cookies attached.

    The shower was in our backyard under a neighbor's tent that we borrowed.  It was casual, low-key, and just what my DD wanted.  In addition, the only cost for the WP was the dessert and bottle of wine that they bought, so it didn't break the bank for anyone.

    I think a lingerie shower is better from friends than the family shower.  Unless grandma and great Aunt Hilda are okay seeing negligees and panties....you might want to reconsider a lingerie shower.




    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If someone has offered to throw you a shower, it is not in bad taste at all to accept.

    Bad taste would be: telling someone she WILL throw a shower; inviting people who aren't invited to the wedding; inviting more people than the hostess can/will handle; registering for super-expensive stuff only; not thanking people.  But you won't do anything like that :)
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  • edited December 2011
    Themed gifts = bad idea. I don't want to be told what to buy you, and with lingerie, it may make some people uncomfortable - I also do not want to buy you something to do the nasty in with your new hubby!

    Usually, shower gifts are from the registry. Some people will purchased gifts for both, some will just gift at the shower and a card at the wedding, and some will do a gift at the shower and cash at the wedding.

    Showers are gifts to the bride, so it is not in bad taste to accept a shower offer. It IS, like brooke said, bade taste to ask for someone to host it or to host it yourself.
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  • racheladineracheladine member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you girls so much for your input! I knew my fiance was just crazy, lol. He's a guy, it's not like he's been to one of these things anyway. He never really knew what they were about.

    Really though, your thoughts and opinions have really helped. I like the idea of having a wine/cheese/dessert theme, and maybe we'll do things like our nails or facial masks or something to pamper ourselves! The gifts were never really a big deal to me in the first place, but I didn't want to miss out on the experience, you know?

    And no, I don't think I'd do the lingerie one, that was just an example :)
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_fi-thinks-showers-poor-taste-but-dont-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:6a78a6b6-34fe-45c4-aa45-ae2017648e76Post:37cd160e-d2b3-49cd-b267-6fc9a9b24367">Re: FI thinks showers are in poor taste but I don't. Thoughts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you girls so much for your input! I knew my fiance was just crazy, lol. He's a guy, it's not like he's been to one of these things anyway. He never really knew what they were about. Really though, your thoughts and opinions have really helped. <u><em><strong>I like the idea of having a wine/cheese/dessert theme, and maybe we'll do things like our nails or facial masks or something to pamper ourselves! </strong></em></u>The gifts were never really a big deal to me in the first place, but I didn't want to miss out on the experience, you know? And no, I don't think I'd do the lingerie one, that was just an example :)
    Posted by racheladine[/QUOTE]

    I think you're confusing a shower with a b-party.  I've never heard of a shower where you have nails, facial masks, etc.  A shower, in my circle, is a party where guests come to bring a gift to help the new couple get started in their home.

    The guest list includes MOB and MOG, aunts, maybe grandparents if they're around, close friends, and WP.

    The gifts are from a registry, typically, and are things like dishes, pots and pans, household items.  After the gift opening, everyone enjoys some refreshments and then heads on home.

    the nails/facials/etc. is much more geared toward a bridesmaid gathering or b-party.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_fi-thinks-showers-poor-taste-but-dont-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:6a78a6b6-34fe-45c4-aa45-ae2017648e76Post:086c307c-cbd1-45df-b3e7-9f4428499df3">Re: FI thinks showers are in poor taste but I don't. Thoughts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI thinks showers are in poor taste but I don't. Thoughts? : I think you're confusing a shower with a b-party.  I've never heard of a shower where you have nails, facial masks, etc.  A shower, in my circle, is a party where guests come to bring a gift to help the new couple get started in their home. The guest list includes MOB and MOG, aunts, maybe grandparents if they're around, close friends, and WP. The gifts are from a registry, typically, and are things like dishes, pots and pans, household items.  After the gift opening, everyone enjoys some refreshments and then heads on home. the nails/facials/etc. is much more geared toward a bridesmaid gathering or b-party.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Agreed. That sounds more like a bachelorette party. A shower is a little more on the sophisticated side (most of the time!)
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  • edited December 2011
    Guests used our wedding regisrty for the shower gifts. I understand why some people think registering is being rude, however, I always appreciate it when I'm invited to a wedding, shower, etc and there is a gift registry-- it makes it a lot easier on the guest and you will end up getting something you actually like or need. I think so long as you try and register for a variety of price levels it should be fine. 
  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    My DDs BM have planned a "kitchen" shower for her. Each guest is asked to bring a recipe, an item to stock their pantry (spices, flour, sugar, etc) and a kitchen item as a gift.   Around here most people will purchase their gifts from the couple's registry.  Also most people will either give them cash or a registry gift for wedding gifts.

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