Pre-wedding Parties

I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long)

Ok, so my sister planned my bacheloette party for last night and my fiance's was yesterday as well.
We attended a Passion Party (loads of fun), then went for dinner to one of my favorite restaurants (even more fun) and then we headed to the bowling alley.  We were all getting into the music and having a really good time when the phone rang. 
My dad said he needed to speak to me NOW.  He was doggie sitting (Abby) and her whole body was convulsing and all four legs were completely paralized!  Needless to say, I hung up on him, grabbed my cell phone, called the emergency vet line and said we were on our way!  I threw my bowling shoes off, asked my mom (my DD) to drive me to the vet to meet my dad and Abby.  We were there about nearly 2 hours while her body was twitching, she was panting so bad, her legs were paralized, her tongue was paralized and she had no sight!
Longer story made short, they kept her over night on IV fluids to monitor her and what not.  She's bounced back (they think she may have eaten something toxic but can't pin point what)!  She's sleepy, but home...YAY!
So all day today I got to listen to my fiance (who didn't come home from his party when I told him about Abby) talk about how amazing his party was!
Am I selfish to want a do-over?  I don't expect for the whole let's get her hammered, but I certainly would like to go out with my friends and have that special bacheloeete experience!!!

Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long)

  • bekahjane89bekahjane89 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would talk to your girls and come up with some type of a girls night. That way you still get your stress free time with the girls but there isn't as much of an expectation since things didn't work out so well the first time. They may not all be able to come to the second event since it'll be more last minute... but I don't blame ya! I'd want a do-over of some sort too!

    Good Luck!
    Beka Lou
  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't think I'd ask for a do-over.  Your FI didn't leave his party, you didnt' really have to leave yours.  I mean, I probably would have, I'm not saying you were wrong, but you didn't have to.  I would feel bad asking my friends to spend all that money all over again.  Maybe just plan a girl's night out where you can all go out for drinks, but I wouldn't try planning a whole big thing with a party, then dinner, then going out. 
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_id-like-over-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:6a96633d-b864-4841-946c-f088321e1da1Post:79f8f837-d9d9-4dc8-9677-d90598a211c9">I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, so my sister planned my bacheloette party for last night and my fiance's was yesterday as well. We attended a Passion Party (loads of fun), then went for dinner to one of my favorite restaurants (even more fun) and then we headed to the bowling alley.  We were all getting into the music and having a really good time when the phone rang.  My dad said he needed to speak to me NOW.  He was doggie sitting (Abby) and her whole body was convulsing and all four legs were completely paralized!  Needless to say, I hung up on him, grabbed my cell phone, called the emergency vet line and said we were on our way!  I threw my bowling shoes off, asked my mom (my DD) to drive me to the vet to meet my dad and Abby.  We were there about nearly 2 hours while her body was twitching, she was panting so bad, her legs were paralized, her tongue was paralized and she had no sight! Longer story made short, they kept her over night on IV fluids to monitor her and what not.  She's bounced back (they think she may have eaten something toxic but can't pin point what)!  She's sleepy, but home...YAY! <strong>So all day today I got to listen to my fiance (who didn't come home from his party when I told him about Abby) talk about how amazing his party was! </strong>Am I selfish to want a do-over?  I don't expect for the whole let's get her hammered, but I certainly would like to go out with my friends and have that special bacheloeete experience!!!
    Posted by kparker83[/QUOTE]

    I'm so sorry this happened to your doggy! That would be so traumatizing! But what I'm most alarmed about is the part I highlighted in bold.. your FI is the selfish one not you! If that happened to me, my FI would drop whatever he was doing and come be there with me for moral support. I think that's a red flag right there.

    I don't think you're selfish for wanting a do-over at all, and your girls may want to re-do a night out for you that doesn't end so badly. Maybe suggest something to your MOH and she can see if it's possible with everyone's schedules and finances.Maybe it'll be more just going out with the girls for drinks since you already did dinner and a passions party.  I'm glad your dog is ok and that's the most important thing!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_id-like-over-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:6a96633d-b864-4841-946c-f088321e1da1Post:d7b79541-cf9b-44af-9805-56a6f2f5f6fc">Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think I'd ask for a do-over.  Your FI didn't leave his party, you didnt' really have to leave yours.  I mean, I probably would have, I'm not saying you were wrong, but you didn't have to.  I would feel bad asking my friends to spend all that money all over again.  Maybe just plan a girl's night out where you can all go out for drinks, but I wouldn't try planning a whole big thing with a party, then dinner, then going out. 
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

    WHAT!?!?!?!  Are you NUTS?  You're telling me that if you were in the same situaton of possibly losing a "family member" you would stay out and party vs. being with them?  Wow!  I did HAVE to leave beause if I did lose her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself!
    Also, I never said that I would expect the entire experience over again!  Just pick up from where we left off!!
    ahsram5
  • Whippet8Whippet8 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_id-like-over-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:6a96633d-b864-4841-946c-f088321e1da1Post:e46dcc25-8083-4100-add5-07464e8edf4c">Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long) : WHAT!?!?!?!  Are you NUTS?  You're telling me that if you were in the same situaton of possibly losing a "family member" you would stay out and party vs. being with them?  Wow!  I did HAVE to leave beause if I did lose her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself! Also, I never said that I would expect the entire experience over again!  Just pick up from where we left off!!
    Posted by kparker83[/QUOTE]

    OP, what I got from her post was that she WOULD do what you did..maybe thats just how I read it.

    I also agree with the other posts that you should have a girls night with your friends to relax a little bit..but I wouldn't expect your BMs/Friends to pay all over again.

    I'm sorry that you had to deal with that stress of almost losing a part of your family.

    ALSO, personally, I would be worried as to why my FI didn't leave as well, but thats just me. Maybe it depends on if it is your family dog with your parents, or a dog you have with you and FI
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_id-like-over-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:6a96633d-b864-4841-946c-f088321e1da1Post:e46dcc25-8083-4100-add5-07464e8edf4c">Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long) : WHAT!?!?!?!  Are you NUTS?  You're telling me that if you were in the same situaton of possibly losing a "family member" you would stay out and party vs. being with them?  Wow!  I did HAVE to leave beause if I did lose her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself! Also, I never said that I would expect the entire experience over again!  Just pick up from where we left off!!
    Posted by kparker83[/QUOTE]

    You obviously didn't read what I said.  I said<span style="text-decoration:underline;"> I would have left too</span> and that I didn't think you did the wrong thing, but you didn't have to.  Your FI didn't leave his party.  Reread what I said.  All I'm saying is, your friends spent a lot of money that night, I wouldn't necessarily ask them to do it again.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_id-like-over-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:6a96633d-b864-4841-946c-f088321e1da1Post:e46dcc25-8083-4100-add5-07464e8edf4c">Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long) : WHAT!?!?!?!  Are you NUTS?  You're telling me that if you were in the same situaton of possibly losing a "family member" you would stay out and party vs. being with them?  Wow!  I did HAVE to leave beause if I did lose her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself! Also, I never said that I would expect the entire experience over again!  Just pick up from where we left off!!
    Posted by kparker83[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Was this your reaction to your FI?  The fact that he didn't leave is a major red flag to me.

    </div>
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  • ecuchikaecuchika member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I just want to say..I'm glad your dog is ok! 
    If FI and I were in that same boat he would be right their with our dog. Scout is our child-we treat him just as we would a human child! I would be cautious and to rub it in your face like that isn't cool!

    My doggie just got over a recent virual infection.  He picked it up at the local dog park he was so sick!! They are the poorest things when they are sick! I can understand the emotions behind your worries for you child.
  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_id-like-over-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:6a96633d-b864-4841-946c-f088321e1da1Post:86636c01-ff54-4baf-9401-ae69c2b6c14f">Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long) : Was this your reaction to your FI?  The fact that he didn't leave is a major red flag to me.
    Posted by blackfire5th[/QUOTE]


    I agree.  I'm not even a pet person and I find the fact that he didn't go to the animal hospital to be a very bad thing.

    I know that most people with pets consider them the same as a child.  I have children.  If one of my children had to be taken to the ER during our parties and my fiance didn't leave his bachelor party to meet me there - I'd postpone things and take a good long look at whether our priorities in life are the same.

    I'm glad your dog is ok.  Someone on the Oct2010 board had cats become extremely ill from eating lillies they had been given.  So, if any new flowers were in the home, this could be the offending thing that was ingested?

    Good luck and I agree with previous posters that you might want to see about a dinner and/or cocktail get together to destress, but not a whole do-over. 
    10-10-10
  • edited December 2011
    One thing I didn't, and should have mentioned in my OP is that he was in a completely different city (2 hours away) at this point and NONE of them were in a position to drive....
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_id-like-over-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:6a96633d-b864-4841-946c-f088321e1da1Post:ae4aa3df-ffd3-4fb4-805b-0a4760c3458c">Re: I'd like a Do-Over (sorry, kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]One thing I didn't, and should have mentioned in my OP is that he was in a completely different city (2 hours away) at this point and NONE of them were in a position to drive....
    Posted by kparker83[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ah, that makes a lot more sense.</div><div>
    </div><div>I forgot to add earlier that I would see if everyone could get together for some drinks and to maybe see a movie.  If for nothing else to celebrate that your dog is okay!</div>
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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think it's fine to go out and have a little girl's night, but I think everyone should pay their own way.
  • edited December 2011
    I think your FI sucks for not coming home. My DH would have left in a heartbeat if something like that was happening to my cat, if for no other reason than to support me.

    other than that, I wouldn't ask for a do-over. It does sound a little selfish and "gimme more" even though I know that's not your intent. You did enjoy part of the evening and said you had lots of fun up until that point. I would suggest maybe a dinner with the girls but not anything more than that.
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