Pre-wedding Parties

Pre wedding dinner

My son's wedding is very small, 50 guest, most of them will be from out of town.  They are not having a rehearsal but would like to have a dinner with friends and family the night before the wedding.  They don't want to have the traditional rehearsal dinner since that would like having 2 receptions.  They just want to have whoever can make it for dinner to come and enjoy everyone's company (pay your own way).  Would that be tacky to invite people to dinner the night before a wedding and tell them it's dutch treat?

Re: Pre wedding dinner

  • edited December 2011
    Yes...I think it would.  They are coming from out of town.  If you don't want another reception, then make it casual...pizza, BBQ, platters of whatever.  It doesn't have to be fancy to be fun!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • mgietler76mgietler76 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you are inviting them to dinner you should pay. With a guest list that small I fail to see why he would to have the dinner before wedding?
  • edited December 2011
    The only ones that are from the area where the wedding is being held is the couple getting married.  There would be no room for a bbq, pizza or anything else.  Everyone would be staying in a hotel so unless we are all on the same floor - hopping from room to room would not work.

    They just want to have a get together and visit with out of town family & friends.  If the people are told up front that it is "dutch treat" what is the harm?  If they don't want to go then they don't have to.

    Her family is the one that came up with the idea - I was ready to have a traditional dinner but they think everyone should pay their own way.
  • chuygrl77chuygrl77 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    They can spread by word of mouth that they are having dinner at XYZ restaurant and that if guests don't have plans, they can join them.  Do not formally invite them, maybe the bride and groom can be at the hotel around check-in time or call people about a week prior and drop a hint.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think it could work if it was just a casual get-together, just spread the word by mouth that "xplace" is where you'll be.  The less formal, the better in that case.
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pre-wedding-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:711e4e29-ba7c-4e94-a369-b17057c194efPost:4021631e-0171-4700-ae9b-c9fe2f48215f">Re: Pre wedding dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]The only ones that are from the area where the wedding is being held is the couple getting married.  There would be no room for a bbq, pizza or anything else.  Everyone would be staying in a hotel so unless we are all on the same floor - hopping from room to room would not work. They just want to have a get together and visit with out of town family & friends.  <strong>If the people are told up front that it is "dutch treat" what is the harm?</strong>  If they don't want to go then they don't have to. Her family is the one that came up with the idea - I was ready to have a traditional dinner but they think everyone should pay their own way.
    Posted by Maribeth73[/QUOTE]
    It's the wording that is bad....
    As Jackie and chuygrl suggested better wording. :)
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_pre-wedding-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:711e4e29-ba7c-4e94-a369-b17057c194efPost:ce057f7e-2a9e-4cbb-a3b9-ae2bb3d866ca">Re: Pre wedding dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]They can spread by word of mouth that they are having dinner at XYZ restaurant and that if guests don't have plans, they can join them.  Do not formally invite them, maybe the bride and groom can be at the hotel around check-in time or call people about a week prior and drop a hint.
    Posted by chuygrl77[/QUOTE]

    This.  If they're saying "Hey, we're having dinner at such-and-such, if anyone wants to come along," I think it's okay.  Just make sure to speak to the restaurant first and let them know they might have a large influx of guests.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Is it possible to rent a hotel conference room at the hotel where you are staying?  Then you can bring in pizza/salad, BBQ, or whatever.  I really think if you're going to organize something like this, it should be hosted (paid for) by someone.

    I would be really put off being invited to a dinner that was referred to as "dutch treat".  Plus, I think everyone paying their own way with that many people gets very complicated and people get nitpicky...e.g., I only got a salad and a water, so I only owe $X, but Bob got a filet mignon and three cocktails, so he needs to pay more.  I think it has potential to get seriously messy/ugly.
    image
    Kate ~ Mommy to Matthew 3/29/07 & Kylie 12/30/08 & Chase 3/31/11
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You can do a warm, friendly, and casual get together for everyone without spending a lot of $$ or making it rise to the level of the reception.  But you really should host it.

    Your guests are all traveling from OOT, so they're incurring travel expenses, lodging expenses, at least some meal expenses (breakfast, meal while traveling to/from the wedding), cost of a wedding gift, perhaps using vacation time, and more.

    It seems terribly ungracious to me to "invite" them to dinner as well and then make them pay for it.

    Check with local churches, VFW or Knights of Columbus halls, and see if they have a room you can use.  Get several large trays of lasagna or the necessary number of pizzas.

    I don't know when the wedding is, but our son and DIL had a July wedding, and we had a backyard BBQ for all WP and OOT guests the day before the wedding.  It was casual, fun, and allowed everyone to catch up and visit.

    Our son and DIL especially loved it, because it was a chance for them to have "quality time" with everyone before the busy-ness of wedding day.

    I really think you need to find a way to host this.  Let the bride's family know that you have no intention of upstaging the wedding, but that you want to host the guests.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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