FI mad that people want to throw me bridal showers...

SmithMcFarlane

Ok, so my FI is mad that my MOH/bridesmaids want to throw me a shower with the "young girls", his Aunt wants to throw me a shower with his family, my Step-mom wants to throw both of us a couples shower with her family and my dad's side and my mom's sister wants to throw me a shower for her side of the family.  I was discussing this with my FI and he got really upset and said that I didn't need that many parties and he didn't want me to have that many.  I guess I was taken back because they won't involve the same people except for me, and I didn't ask for them to throw me any parties so I don't really see what the issue is.  I asked him and he was like well you should just have one party, not 4.  So I was wondering, should I really ask these people to travel, and change the dates of the parties that they planned to suit my FI?   I'm getting a vibe from him that he is jealous that I am getting these parties, but if we do get gifts, they would be for both of us.  Would it be weird to maybe invite him to one of them?  Or talk to his best man about having a guys night?

MairePoppy

Sometimes it just makes sense to have a few small showers, rather than one large one. I think 4 is a lot, but if that what works best for your friends and families, and you are not inviting any one guest to more than one party, then it's fine.

I don't think it would be weird to invite your fi to the showers. I have been to many showers where the groom shows up after gift opening to socialize with the guests and have a bite to eat. If he would like to be there for the whole thing, why not?

You shouldn't suggest to anyone that they have a guys night for your fi. If someone wants to throw a party for him, they will volunteer.

SmithMcFarlane

That is kind of what I was thinking, about not suggesting a party for FI...buy 3 of the 4 parties are 2 or more hours away, so I'm like ok, they are with groups of people that live in those areas, so I don't see the issue.  I think he may just be being difficult and feeling "shafted" because the wedding is more "bride" oriented meaning people oooo and aahhh over the bride, which is weird for me because I don't like being the center of attention, not that he is either, but I know he wants to feel like its his wedding too, and try as I may, he doesn't want to plan much, lol. 

MairePoppy

Then encourage him to call those friends and ask if they have plans for that day. There is nothing wrong with a casual get together. But you shouldn't ask anyone to throw a party in his honor, any more than he should ask someone to give you a shower. Do you see the difference?

LoveMuffins

Yeah, I'm with Maire. encourage him to hang out with his guy friends, and maybe see if he can come to one of the other showers (since he's already coming to the one your stepmom's throwing) - the one his Aunt is throwing with his side of the family seems like the best one. i doubt he'd even enjoy the "young girls" one =D

I would explain to him that even though it seems like a lot, it's rude to make everyone travel and it's also rude to decline once you've already accepted. If he's jealous, then he just needs to get over that. And, maybe try to keep him in the spotlight on the showers he does attend.

yoko2011

I disagree - from what OP has said these are different circles  that include steps. No disrespect to steps just some play nicer than others.  And it sounds like the majority of these different circles live in different areas that aren't just down the street.  

So while no, one doesn't NEED 4 showers, these people have offered. You can shoot down your Fi's side, and hear about it or potentially start issues if you accepted say mom's side but not dad's side. See where I'm going ...I think multiple showers is a case by case thing - factoring distance/famillies  - now if you summoned everyone to all four showers that would be greedy

SmithMcFarlane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_fi-mad-people-want-throw-bridal-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:71cf7f97-442e-48b9-8c39-401e15f14db1Post:eecbeb7d-a35c-4192-80ae-e4d4dc522809">Re: FI mad that people want to throw me bridal showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]Then encourage him to call those friends and ask if they have plans for that day. There is nothing wrong with a casual get together. But you shouldn't ask anyone to throw a party in his honor, any more than he should ask someone to give you a shower. <strong>Do you see the difference?</strong>
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

OK, wait, I wasn't meaning THROW him a party, I was meaning a get together, casual, like going to a bar or a movie or something.

SmithMcFarlane

OK, So I will go back to my original question, So I was wondering, should I really ask these people to travel, and change the dates of the parties that they planned to suit my FI?

By the way, My dad and his family/my step family live 3 hours away, his family also lives 3 hours away in a different direction, and my mothers sisters live even farther away MOH/bridesmaids are the only local group.  So I guess I'm still not seeing the issue if they keep repeatedly asking to host a shower.  Also, I won't be inviting EVERY guest to a shower, they will be small family get togethers, aunts, cousins, moms and maids.  The only ones that I had a say for the guests was my mothers sister and MOH which I purposely kept light. 

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_fi-mad-people-want-throw-bridal-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:71cf7f97-442e-48b9-8c39-401e15f14db1Post:209c2a6d-3e70-4d65-b903-6921297c27f5">Re: FI mad that people want to throw me bridal showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI mad that people want to throw me bridal showers... : OK, wait, I wasn't meaning THROW him a party, I was meaning a get together, casual, like going to a bar or a movie or something.
Posted by SmithMcFarlane[/QUOTE]

That's fine : )  It's always okay to call friends to ask them if they are free to get together.

I think the <strong>small </strong>multiple showers are fine, also. Just make sure all those shower guests are invited to the wedding. And the shower guest lists don't overlap.

AshnRobo

I'm gonna kinda go against everyone here, but I would tell my FI to suck it. He is being rediculous. You haven't asked for these showers, but they all make sense. He is going to benefit from them in the long run. He can go play with his friends or you can ask one or two hosts if you can make it a wedding shower rather than a bridal shower (maybe a host from his family?)

Seriously though to me it just seems like he is being a big baby.

ADTonk

I just don't get the idea of multiple showers.  You're marriage brings together two families, so why are your families not coming together to plan one shower with both families?

IMO, multiple showers seem gift grabby.. like "let's find a way to get EVERYONE to be able to come so I get a gift from all of them".  If they can't make it, they will send you a gift if they want to.

SmithMcFarlane

Thank you Yoko for understanding the situation.  My step mother doesn't always play nice.  And I had originally declined her party, and FI's aunt, and also my mothers, to try and get everyone to work together with MOH, but they all declined.  After months, and I do mean months (like 6 months of emails, phone calls ect) I finally gave in and said yes to their parties. 

AshnRobo, I agree with you, I thought as tho he was being a baby too, and again last night, I looked into switching things around, and I got the basic same answer from all 4 of the ladies "its ok to have more then one shower". 

Times have changed, people don't tend to stay where they were born.  FI moved away from his family, and my mother did from hers when she married my father, and they got divorced and she moved us away from him and her family.  I do feel the "double dipping" because the shower is so close to the wedding, but if these people want to do this, and want to so bad that they keep asking me, I really don't see how I am being greedy.

impslave

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_fi-mad-people-want-throw-bridal-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:71cf7f97-442e-48b9-8c39-401e15f14db1Post:dc668651-dac8-47ff-8f82-6535191fc74f">Re: FI mad that people want to throw me bridal showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]I just don't get the idea of multiple showers.  <strong>You're marriage brings together two families, so why are your families not coming together to plan one shower with both families?</strong> IMO, multiple showers seem gift grabby.. like "let's find a way to get EVERYONE to be able to come so I get a gift from all of them".  If they can't make it, they will send you a gift if they want to.
Posted by ADTonk[/QUOTE]

That's a sweet sentiment, but my mom and MIL can't stand each other.  A joint shower would have resulted in a MMA match.  As PP have stated, there's really nothing wrong with several small showers, just as long as all who attend the showers are also invited to the wedding.

tuckhm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_fi-mad-people-want-throw-bridal-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:71cf7f97-442e-48b9-8c39-401e15f14db1Post:dc668651-dac8-47ff-8f82-6535191fc74f">Re: FI mad that people want to throw me bridal showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]I just don't get the idea of multiple showers.  You're marriage brings together two families, so why are your families not coming together to plan one shower with both families? IMO, multiple showers seem gift grabby.. like "let's find a way to get EVERYONE to be able to come so I get a gift from all of them".  If they can't make it, they will send you a gift if they want to.
Posted by ADTonk[/QUOTE]

I think it's unfair to say that the bride looks gift grabby because other people really want to throw her separate showers.  Like you said, weddings and showers bring families together, and if distance prohibits the different friends and families from attending one shower, why should the family miss out on the celebrating just because the bride might look "gift grabby"?  If the families insist on throwing their own shower to make sure their side of the family can attend, than I'm guessing that they know their own family enough to judge whether or not that family would find the idea tacky.  Remember, showers are about much more than just gifts.

aebartsh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_fi-mad-people-want-throw-bridal-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:71cf7f97-442e-48b9-8c39-401e15f14db1Post:e3e90548-1c42-4498-838f-2fd54ab5735a">Re: FI mad that people want to throw me bridal showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm gonna kinda go against everyone here, but I would tell my FI to suck it. He is being rediculous. You haven't asked for these showers, but they all make sense. He is going to benefit from them in the long run. He can go play with his friends or you can ask one or two hosts if you can make it a wedding shower rather than a bridal shower (maybe a host from his family?) Seriously though to me it just seems like he is being a big baby.
Posted by AshnRobo[/QUOTE]
YESSS!

misslizz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_fi-mad-people-want-throw-bridal-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:71cf7f97-442e-48b9-8c39-401e15f14db1Post:dc668651-dac8-47ff-8f82-6535191fc74f">Re: FI mad that people want to throw me bridal showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]IMO, <strong>multiple showers seem gift grabby</strong>..
Posted by ADTonk[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's not fair to insinuate that OP is "gift grabby". She didn't ask for 4 showers.

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