Typical Shower Attendance?

MeganAngela

A close friend of mine is graciously throwing me a bridal shower.  She asked for a guest list and I gave her a list of 27 or 28 close family and friends who were invited to the wedding.  My friend has been fairly open with me about the shower because she wanted to make sure I'd enjoy it (i.e. ran the theme, food and venue by me), so she's been pretty forthcoming with the RSVPs (I haven't asked. She started texting me replies on her own.).  So far, out of all of those people, everyone has replied no except for my mom, my FMIL and the mother of the friend who is throwing the party.

I feel horrible.  Not because I expected presents (I don't).  I feel horrible because I know my friend shelled out several hundred dollars for this shower thinking we'd have a decent turn out.  I understand that not everyone will be as excited for the wedding and its events as me.  At the same time, I wasn't expecting almost all no replies.

So, I figured I'd come on here and see what other people's experiences were.  Anyone else end up with a very small shower?  For those who have thrown a shower, did a lot of people reply after the deadline/show up anyway?  Would you still have your shower if only four or five people RSVP?  Basically any thoughts, advice or anecdotes you want to share!

Simply Fated

Honestly, she might be excited because of the money she'll be saving. Or she'll now be able to put that money towards something she couldnt' have otherwise afforded.

I threw my friend's shower. The MOB and MOG gave me their lists and it turned out to be about 50 people total, including a few friends and bridal party girls. Way more than I had anticipated. About 30 people RSVPd yes. Only about 20 to 25 people showed up.

As it turns out, the MOG gave me a list with literally all the females from her side that were invited to the wedding. Including people the couple invited out of obligation. I didn't question the list because I didn't know his side of the family. I assumed they were all important people. Dummy me. I was really annoyed because had I been given a more accurate list I would have been able to plan something more ideal.

I learned my lesson, for sure. Next time I am involved with a party like this, I'll question everything and make sure I'm more clear with my expectations.




 

MeganAngela

I feel like my friend had pretty good expectations going into the planning of the shower. We're only having a 75ish person wedding, so most of the people invited to the shower were women of the family (aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc.).  I told her that if the list was too long, I'd gladly cut out the friends and just leave the family.  I would hope that if she had an issue with the guest list and size she would have told me.  Especially because she has always been a very blunt, frank and forward person.  And, on top of that, I never asked for her to get a venue or get a lot of food or anything.  Hell, I suggested we use cute Disney Princess plates since we're having a Disney theme and I wanted her to save her money and she insisted on making the party more high brow.  So basically, she's spending that kind of money because she wants to, not because I expected her to.

It's kind of harsh to think that someone would throw you a party out of their price range and then be glad when people don't show up, isn't it?  That isn't the way it usually works, is it?

Simply Fated

It's kind of harsh to think that someone would throw you a party out of their price range and then be glad when people don't show up, isn't it?  That isn't the way it usually works, is it?

Exactly. To be fair, it wasn't even the bride who made the list go up to to 50 people. The only people she asked me to invite were two of her friends from work. Neither of them RSVPd, returned my calls, or showed up. The rest of the list came from the MOG and MOB.

It was mostly the MOG who added on all the crazy superfluous people. She added on about 20 people that shouldn't have been invited, at least. When I found out that the MOG had me invite people to the bridal shower she hasn't heard from in 10 years, I was pissed.

The MOG and the MOB offered some money for me in the beginning, but I knew they wouldn't follow through with it, so I made sure to plan for them not to pay for anything.

HobokensFury

My mother invited 71 people to my shower.  45 replied yes and only 40 showed up.

MeganAngela

Haha!  Are you me?  I've got about 12 days left for RSVPs, and we still haven't gotten over half back.  I figure a lot will trickle in closer to time, but my own family isn't responding to me!  It's really frustrating!  Then again, I'll be the first person in my family since my mom to have a legitimate church wedding.  Everyone else has done the JoP route.  I wonder if that is why everyone on my side is so slow!  They haven't been to a formal wedding in years!  Everyone was so excited when they found out I was engaged, but it seems like they aren't interested in the parties or the ceremony itself.  I guess it is because my family doesn't really value weddings.  Then again, most of my family have been divorced, so I guess I can see why they wouldn't care to come to this stuff.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_typical-shower-attendance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:773a1bb5-dd2f-4fb3-9838-bde66211e459Post:e71661e3-9be7-4ece-a7e6-1fb541a08246">Re: Typical Shower Attendance?</a>:
[QUOTE]71 people?  That is basically the entirety of our wedding guest list!  Wow!  How long was your shower?  Mine is scheduled for three hours, but with only five people scheduled for attendance including myself, I don't think we'll need that long!  Haha!
Posted by MeganAngela[/QUOTE]

It was 4 hours long.  My mom went crazy and invited every single woman on the guest list, some of which I've never met from FI's side!

CharondaN

My mom is the same way - my guest list is at around 75 women now.  She never wants anyone to feel left out so I've invited close friends, my aunts, older female cousins, future in-laws (mom, sisters), church members, bridal party members (and some of their mothers).  I'm not too worried about the number though - my mom and maid of honor are used to throwing larger gatherings. Me and my younger brother had a combined graduation party and about 200 people showed up. 

I'm really excited for my shower though - not even the gifts - but celebrating with the ladies I hold dear to my heart

jalafa

We only invited about 30 and about 5 never replied and 1 didnt show up that did reply.  I honestly would still have my shower even if it is 5 people!  Its for your wedding so I say still have it.  You could even still just have it at a restraunt and keep it small..just have lunch or dinner and open gifts.

MeganAngela

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_typical-shower-attendance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:773a1bb5-dd2f-4fb3-9838-bde66211e459Post:f3caab5d-d13f-4450-bd77-5ea58f1a0254">Re: Typical Shower Attendance?</a>:
[QUOTE]How far off is the shower? Some people are just clueless in terms of etiquette, and think they "don't need" to RSVP, "because of course they know I'm coming." (sigh). Tell her to call the guests who haven't sent an RSVP, and find out if they're coming.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
I think you've pegged my FI's family!  When I asked if they were attending, they were flabbergasted because of course they are coming!  I told them that perhaps they should let the host know because she needs a head count for food and doesn't want to over-do decorations or buy more supplies than she needs.  I'll get together phone numbers for the other guests so the host can start calling people.  I didn't know whether I should call them or she should.  Thanks, RB! :)

MeganAngela

I grew up in Johnston County!  I lived in Wilson's Mills before moving into Smithfield proper.  I also lived for a few years in Selma!  I've spent the last almost 10 years in Wake County, though.  I was in Cary before I moved to Lee County last year!  What part of Johnston County are you from, if you don't mind my asking?!  It's been a long time since I talked to anyone from that area!  I've heard it has grown up a lot in the last ten years!