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Rehearsal dinner Necessary?

KerrysousaKerrysousa member
10 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties
Ok so were having the practice rehearsal at the church now me and my fiance are on a budget and are wondering if we absolutely have to throw a rehearsal dinner. We are buying gifts for all our WP isnt that enough? Its really tough right now to throw a rehearsal dinner and a few people have told me that not everyone does have one but i want to do whats right but its so hard because we have the wedding to pay for. I was thinking of doing something little like having a little cookout in my backyard but my landlord wont allow it and i cant really have it anywhere else because i dont know if my future in laws will go for it and my mom doesnt really have the space to do it at her house. So can i go without it? I wish i had the extra money to blow on it but its really hard right now and Im sure everyone will understand
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Re: Rehearsal dinner Necessary?

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yes, it's necessary.  If you are asking people to come to the rehearsal, then you need to feed them afterward.  If you don't have a rehearsal, then you don't need a dinner.

    An RD doesn't have to be big, expensive and splashy.  It can be a tray of lasagna and some salad from Costco and be held at your home after the rehearsal.  It can be pizza and beer in the back room of your favorite pizza place. 

    The guest list can also be very small:  only those who actually attend the rehearsal and their significant others.  So your and your FI, your parents, and your WP and dates.  Can you fit them in your home?

    But you really need to do something for those who will be giving up their dinner hour for you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • KerrysousaKerrysousa member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Well my bridal party consists of my 3 bridesmaids the 3 ushers my parents and the ring boy and rings boys parents and flower girl and parents if i have a flower girl. Who else has to go? i dont think i can fit 15 people at my place and i dont think my landlord will like that too much.

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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Then find an alternative.  Your wedding isn't for 9 months.  Between now and then, , saving $2 a day each (a purchased cup of coffee, for example), you'll save about $300.  Plenty for an RD.

    My church has several rooms in it that we let people use.  Just have pizza in the church fellowship hall.  Add some bottles of soda, a couple loaves of bread, and it's an RD.

    You can find a public place:  park, etc. and take pizzas or a picnic dinner there.  There are ways to do this, especially with 9 months to plan.

    ETA:  In your list of who should go, you didn't include FI's parents.  If they're at the rehearsal, they need to be included as well.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • KerrysousaKerrysousa member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    yah i definately think we'll need the rehearsal and im not sure but i think its required by the church that everyone has to attend

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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rehearsal-dinner-nessasary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:7c477aa3-3d3e-442b-ac7c-c87372226afePost:3ca7744c-fff8-460e-838b-086486c8f55a">Rehearsal dinner Necessary?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I was thinking of doing something little like having a little cookout in my backyard but my landlord wont allow it and i cant really have it anywhere else because<strong> i dont know if my future in laws will go for it</strong> and my mom doesnt really have the space to do it at her house. So can i go without it? I wish i had the extra money to blow on it but its really hard right now and Im sure everyone will understand
    Posted by Kerrysousa[/QUOTE]

    Have you actually talked to your FILs? Perhaps they'd be more open to it than you think.

    It doesn't have to be a big deal. I think asking the church would be a great idea. Order a few pizzas and have soda. It IS a bit of an etiquette issue to not have one.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Think low cost fun alternatives.  One of the best rehearsal dinners I attended was at a local diner.  Other people have done RDs with sandwiches.

    But if you're asking your BP to come out and rehearse you need to feed them.
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  • KerrysousaKerrysousa member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Thing is where am i going to fit 18 people? lol i have no where i can throw a little get together. i spoke to my mom today and asked her if i can use the backyard or even the basement and she did not go for the idea.I havent gotten to speak to my future inlaws yet but im not sure if theyll go for the idea either considering they really dont know the people in my bridal party besides for 1 of my bms. I know i asked them once if i could throw a facial party at their house once and they said no and i was only going to have 5 people there

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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    As I said before:  ask the church where the wedding rehearsal is.  We often have dinners in our building.  I'd imagine they might have a space that can fit 18 people easily.  And it would certainly be convenient~you're already there.

    And just as food for thought.  My dad lives in an apartment in a retirement community.  We fit 17 people for a full sit down Thanksgiving dinner last November.  We fit about 25 for a gathering after my mom's memorial service.

    You don't need a huge space for 18 people to eat slices of pizza.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • ChandraDeeChandraDee member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My cousin did not have a rehearsal dinner.  The only people who complained were her parents!

    You can also just go out to eat letting everyone know that they will be paying for their own meal.  The last rehearsal dinner I went to, I paid for my own food, etc. and did not think twice about it. 


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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rehearsal-dinner-nessasary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7c477aa3-3d3e-442b-ac7c-c87372226afePost:2699d2d8-801c-4ef1-ae6b-d856ddf12d5f">Re: Rehearsal dinner Necessary?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My cousin did not have a rehearsal dinner.  The only people who complained were her parents! You can also just go out to eat letting everyone know that they will be paying for their own meal.  The last rehearsal dinner I went to, I paid for my own food, etc. and did not think twice about it. 
    Posted by ChandraDee[/QUOTE]

    You can't ask people to come rehearse and ask them to pay for their meals.  That was rude of the last bride and groom and their behavior should not be duplicated or commended.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rehearsal-dinner-nessasary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7c477aa3-3d3e-442b-ac7c-c87372226afePost:2699d2d8-801c-4ef1-ae6b-d856ddf12d5f">Re: Rehearsal dinner Necessary?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My cousin did not have a rehearsal dinner.  The only people who complained were her parents! You can also just go out to eat letting everyone know that they will be paying for their own meal.  The last rehearsal dinner I went to, I paid for my own food, etc. and did not think twice about it. 
    Posted by ChandraDee[/QUOTE]

    OP please don't follow this advice.  It's really, really wrong.  You can't invite people to dinner and then tell them to pay for their own.  Really, really wrong.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • KerrysousaKerrysousa member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I AGREE! I rather not have a a RD then ask my wedding party and everyone else to pay for their own meals thats just wrong especially after everything they've done and helped me with.
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  • aneal138aneal138 member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2014
    trix1223 said:

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal dinner Necessary?:

    My cousin did not have a rehearsal dinner.  The only people who complained were her parents! You can also just go out to eat letting everyone know that they will be paying for their own meal.  The last rehearsal dinner I went to, I paid for my own food, etc. and did not think twice about it. 
    Posted by ChandraDee
    OP please don't follow this advice.  It's really, really wrong.  You can't invite people to dinner and then tell them to pay for their own.  Really, really wrong.
    banana468 said:

    In Response to Re: Rehearsal dinner Necessary?:

    My cousin did not have a rehearsal dinner.  The only people who complained were her parents! You can also just go out to eat letting everyone know that they will be paying for their own meal.  The last rehearsal dinner I went to, I paid for my own food, etc. and did not think twice about it. 
    Posted by ChandraDee
    You can't ask people to come rehearse and ask them to pay for their meals.  That was rude of the last bride and groom and their behavior should not be duplicated or commended.


    Oh brother, those are the first words that came to mind reading what you wrote. If people put half as much effort and grace into the actual marriage as they did the wedding, their union may last as long as and be happier than they are on average.

    No the rehearsal dinner is NOT necessary, and if people go it is not unreasonable to ask them to pay for their own meal. I had a dinner after the wedding at a small diner and everyone paid for their meal. Even if I didn't have one no one would have complained. And we were married at the JP, with a little dress and bouquet, I think the whole Shabang including the license and judge cost max $200. My ring only cost like $200. We make almost $150k a year in a low cost of living area of the country. We could have afforded spending thousands but that's not what is important. It's who you marry. I have the happiest and most fun marriage I could have ever dreamed of, and even if this flies in the face of the whole reason this website is in business, a wedding doesn't make the marriage!
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  • lurkergirllurkergirl member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    zombie thread @knotporscha




    image
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2014
    I got this.

    @aneal138 you're in the right with your advice. I MESSED UP. BIG TIME.

    Good lord, I read this so wrong. @banana468 was the advice I read, and immediately thought, "YES GOOD!" and praised the wrong person. Banana is always on point.


    No. If you don't have a rehearsal, or don't have anyone in your wedding party, you don't need a rehearsal and therefore don't need a dinner. 

    Having someone pay for their own meal to a rehearsal you required them to be present is so so wrong. No no no no no. No way. That is not cool.

    Further, how much your ring or wedding cost is irrelevant. You ask people to stand up with you during your rehearsal and ceremony, you have to feed them dinner and be profusely grateful.

    You are handing out baaaaaddddd advice on this topic. Thank you, but no thank you!

    However, I'm pretty sure the OP is loooong long gone as this post is pushing 4 years old. Thanks though :)
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

    image
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