Pre-wedding Parties

Shower/party the night before the wedding?

Question... my FMIL did this for her daughter's wedding.  After the rehearsal dinner, she had a shower (that's what she called it, not sure if it's just a get-together or an actual shower) at her house the night before the wedding.  She sounds like she wants to do this for my FI and I as well. I get that a lot of people will be in town, more time to mingle, but to me it sounds like something that would just keep us wound up and make it harder for me to go home without looking rude for leaving the party and get to sleep before the big day (FI is staying at her house that night, but same thing with needing sleep). I wouldn't want to be rude to any of my friends or family who traveled into town (some of which are staying at our house actually!) and be off at an event where they aren't necessarily invited to because they aren't from his side, I don't see a tactful way of handling who is invited unless she says everyone who is in town can come, then the entire guest list would be crammed into her house. I've mentioned to her what I said above, about having concerns about being up too late and all that, but she didn't seem to notice, but I haven't brought up the 'who is invited' part.  Anyone else do one of these? I had never heard of a shower the night before a wedding! o.O  We're having an early afternoon ceremony (1:30pm so early wakeup call)  and a few hour long reception, and planning on doing an afterparty of sorts later that evening to spend more time with friends and family. My FI is on the same page as me, but he's trying not to hurt her feelings so we don't want to bring it up just to squash it down.  If she brings it up, how do I politely but flat out decline?  Any advice? Thanks! :)
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Re: Shower/party the night before the wedding?

  • I think its fine to have a get together of sorts (food, mingling, etc.) but have it be less formal so that it's ok to leave before it gets too late.  Having a shower the night before the wedding seems a little ridiculous though, and as a guest, giving two gifts in two days would kill my budget (and I'd think the bride was inconsiderate for doing this).

    What about doing something laid back like a BBQ?
  • edited June 2012
    To me, I don't see why you can't mingle/eat/drink with friends and family at your RD? This seems overkill to me.

    I definitely agree with no shower the night before the wedding. That would just be odd, and as a guest, I wouldn't want to bring two gifts for two days in a row. I would politely decline her offer. If she isn't getting or listening to your reasons about being up too late, I would say, "FMIL, thank you for the kind offer, but we'll just greet our guests at the RD and would prefer to not have another gathering afterward."

    Is she also paying for the RD? I would try and combine both of these things. If you want something laid-back, make the RD laid-back and have it last as long as you want. If she is paying for it, she does get a say though. perhaps convince her that this one get-together is enough for one night and everyone can still hang out. If you have a rehearsal at the regular time (usually around dinner time) and the RD after, many times it lasts until 9:00 or 9:30 just by itself (like ours did). I think it would be bizarre to go to a shower at almost 10:00 night no matter what day it was, much less the day before your wedding.

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  • Thanks ladies :)   They are paying for the RD but they put a cap on how many people that can attend.  We're not sure what time the Rehearsal will be yet since we don't know if my dad can take the entire day off (they're a few hours away), so it could very likely be 9ish before we're done with dinner. The idea of another get-together after that seems crazy to me! ;)

    A lot of people do some post-wedding mingling the day after, but with our honeymoon we have to book it the next morning so that's not an option, hopefully the afterparty will be enough :)
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