Need to change date of shower...help!

CarrieBig

Okay...so I am a maid of honor and totally messed up.
    I am hosting the bridal shower the other bridesmaids.  We checked with the brides fiance to make sure she was available...set the date and sent out invitations.  Just found out that bride's mom cannot make it.  This is my first time hosting by myself and the first time hosting without bride's helping/also hosting and I totally flaked on checking with her.  Obviously brides mom should be there so we are changing date...I was going to send out a hange the date letter/note.  How do I word this?  Do I include why we are changing or just date is changing?  I could use some advice/help...I am freaking out and feel so stupid.  Thanks

MairePoppy

Could you and the other bms call all the guests, asap, to make sure they get the correct information? It would be ashame if someone showed up for the shower on the wrong date.

CarrieBig

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_need-to-change-date-of-showerhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7cd8a76b-e197-486d-a12e-7d94dcaab44cPost:29996048-42d2-44f5-8110-28f49ea9ff0b">Re: Need to change date of shower...help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Could you and the other bms call all the guests, asap, to make sure they get the correct information? It would be ashame if someone showed up for the shower on the wrong date.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

I can't call because i do not know any of their numbers.  I was planning on using snail mail to the people who haven't responded and emailing or calling the four people who have responded since I have their info.  I know I would hate for them to show up on the wrong date.  I am so embarressed by this and can't believe the mess i have gotten myself into.

Summer2011Bride

Well this may be an unpop op here, but if you just found out mom can't make it (as in, she originally could make it but now something came up), I personally wouldn't change the date. Yes, MOB is a VIP guest for the shower, but I have been to numerous showers where the MOB wasn't there for one reason or another. If she changed her plans, I don't think it's fair to say you should have to completely rearrange the shower.

Think of it from a guest's perspective: You're going to change the date for one guest and now they may not be able to make it. Although I agree her mom will want to be there, it kind of shows the other guests they aren't important enough. "Well we have to change it for bride's mom, so now you may not be able to make it, but that's OK as long as bride's mom can be there." Especially if you can't get a hold of people (I would want to personally talk to them to make sure they knew of the date change), I would just keep it.

ETA: I re-read and saw you never checked with MOB. I think my advice still stands. It sucks that you didn't check with her, but to be fair, the hosts of my shower asked me if the dates would work and never called my mom to check. I still think changing the date may make the other guests feel second-string.

egm900

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_need-to-change-date-of-showerhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7cd8a76b-e197-486d-a12e-7d94dcaab44cPost:7bfe7770-960f-444c-8da3-5fee7a8e8637">Need to change date of shower...help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay...so I am a maid of honor and totally messed up.     I am hosting the bridal shower the other bridesmaids.  We checked with the brides fiance to make sure she was available...set the date and sent out invitations.  Just found out that bride's mom cannot make it.  This is my first time hosting by myself and the first time hosting without bride's helping/also hosting and I totally flaked on checking with her.  Obviously brides mom should be there so we are changing date...I was going to send out a hange the date letter/note.  How do I word this?  Do I include why we are changing or just date is changing?  I could use some advice/help...I am freaking out and feel so stupid.  Thanks :)
Posted by CarrieBig[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>How close are you to the shower date?  If you're over 2-3 weeks away, I think you can send something through the mail.  I would not give a reason for the change, as PP said, it seems slightly insulting to guests, although an understandable reason.  I would send a new invitation, that says "The date for the shower honoring Bride has been moved from Saturday, August 5th to Saturday, August 12th.  (Insert all pertinent information of location and time, RSVP info)  I apologize for any inconvenience caused, and hope to see you there!"</div><div>
</div><div>I would go ahead and give the 4 people who have RSVPed a heads up that the date has changed.  If anyone presses, I would just say there were unforseen circumstances that required a change of date, and apologize for any inconvenience.</div><div>
</div><div>If you're any closer to the shower you need to make phone calls.  I realize you don't have the numbers, but can the groom get them to you?  Chances are he would just need to check the bride's cell phone.

</div>

MairePoppy

If people are already responding to the invitation, it's too late for snail mail. There must be a way of getting those phone numbers. Ask the MOB for the phone numbers. She might offer to help with the phone calls.

To any of you who are planning showers,  this is why surprise showers are not a good idea.

Summer2011Bride

I agree that surprise showers come with extra headaches, as you've seen here. None of my showers were a surprise. Each time, the host(s) called me and asked if a date was OK. I checked with my mom and MIL because I wanted them both to be there and then got back to the host. Easy peasy.

CarrieBig

   Thanks for all of your advice...I am going to get numbers from the bride and the groom (bride now knows about it) and call.  I am still working on whether date should change (bride's idea).  My plan was to say "due to unforseen circumstance" without going into it but I spilled a little and told the MOG. oops.  I really don't want people to feel 2nd string.
   I totally agree with above posters who talk about surprise showers.  I had a surprise shower but I think it only works out when bridesmaids and MOG and MOB are involved to ensure everyone is available.  I only checked with the groom to make sure bride could go.  My advice to bridesmaid: surprise showers are headache filled

Summer2011Bride

I hope it works out for you. I would be leery to change the date if people know the reasoning behind it, because as you said, you don't want anyone feeling second-string.

How does the bride feel about it? Does it bother her if the date remains the same, even if her mother can't be there?

CarrieBig

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_need-to-change-date-of-showerhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7cd8a76b-e197-486d-a12e-7d94dcaab44cPost:21d330fc-b8c8-4170-a604-581d0d276300">Re: Need to change date of shower...help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope it works out for you. I would be leery to change the date if people know the reasoning behind it, because as you said, you don't want anyone feeling second-string. How does the bride feel about it? Does it bother her if the date remains the same, even if her mother can't be there?
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

I am very leery of changing the date and has said this...it is the bride that is insisting that we change the date...so much she won't even really check to see if mother can take the day off to attend.  It should be resolved very soon...just not sure if the resolution will be changing the date...trying to convince bride that changing date isn't the best idea.

pretzelgrrl

I am also a MOH dealing with the headaches of trying to throw a surprise shower...never again I hope it all works out for you.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_need-to-change-date-of-showerhelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7cd8a76b-e197-486d-a12e-7d94dcaab44cPost:9ca88c99-81c8-4a42-88ac-d3c54257a564">Re: Need to change date of shower...help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need to change date of shower...help! : I am very leery of changing the date and has said this...it is the bride that is insisting that we change the date...so much she won't even really check to see if mother can take the day off to attend.  It should be resolved very soon...just not sure if the resolution will be changing the date...trying to convince bride that changing date isn't the best idea.
Posted by CarrieBig[/QUOTE]

Has anyone talked to her mother and found out how she feels? It sounds like she can't attend because of work. Maybe call her mother up personally and see what the deal is. Perhaps, depending on the flexibility of her job, she could take an hour or so off to attend the shower and still work that day, or she may be able to switch with someone or used PTO, etc. I would find out her situation first before switching the date of the shower.

FWIW, if someone was throwing me a surprise shower, while I might be disappointed if my mom was unable to attend, I wouldn't be insisting on the host doing this or that. She also has to realize the hassle it is and how other guests might take it. I hope you all get it sorted out without too much of a headache!