Shower -

Jo1803

Am I being unreasonable if I don't really want a shower.  We want to have a Stag and doe which will help us raise money for the wedding.  I think having the stag, a shower and the wedding is kindof greedy.  I know some people may want to throw me  a shower, so I suggested close friends and immediate family  (SMALL).  However his mom thinks I HAVE to invite his whole family who I dont know well.  I dont care about the gifts and I hate to be on display....  thoughts?

palmettogirl924

What is a stag and doe?

GJMLucky

ummmm, news flash, a stag and doe party is GREEDY! This is basically a fundraiser for your own wedding. Why don't you just stick with the shower, which is a tradition accepted by EVERYONE! Wedding showers are not seen as being greedy, however, you will find that a lot of people thing stag and doe, or jack and jill parties, are greedy. 

Jo1803

Ok well no one we've talked to thinks a stag and doe is greedy.  They think of it as a fun night!  When we talked about maybe not doing it they were upset. HOWEVER...what I wanted to know about is the shower....... Do I have aone I dont really want to make the mother in law happy?

hlq2011

OP is from Canada, where I think Stag and Doe parties are normal.

You aren't required to have a shower at all.  If your FMIL is hosting, you have the option of either accepting the shower she wants to host, or declining it altogether; you don't get to tell her how to throw the party she's hosting.  If she's not hosting, she needs to respect your--and the host's--wishes.

NatandIsaac

It's perfectly fine to decline a shower.

Fundraising parties, however, are rude, but you indicated you are not interested in that.