Pre-wedding Parties

Asking bachelorette attendees for $$?

My best friend's wedding is coming up and I'm planning her bachelorette.  Just a few questions:

1) is it appropriate to ask for *non-mandatory* financial help with paying for the facility rental? (i.e. contributions appreciated but not required)

2) If so, when is the appropriate time to ask?  In the invite?  By phone after RSVP?  At the party?  I can cover the costs and don't want anybody to feel obligated or feel like they can't come because of the cost, but I'm travelling from pretty far and already have a ton of expenses.

 I know a few of the girls, but not all of them.  There are 10-15 total.  Total expenses ~$4-500

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Re: Asking bachelorette attendees for $$?

  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Usually, you would have a conversation with the bridal party before the planning stage begins.  You would figure out what everybody wants to spend and then plan the party within that budget.  If you go over the budget, then you pick up the difference. 

    It is not appropiate to ask the guests of the party to cover the costs. If you were planning a birthday party for your friend, you would not take up a collection at the door.

    Have you already made plans?  If not, talk to her bridal party and get the budget.  If you have made plans, then you can ask the bridal party only if they want to help.  If they don't want to or can't, it is up to you.  If you do not want to cover the costs completely, then the bride doesn't get a party.  They are not mandatory.
  • edited December 2011
    My maid of honor is setting up a night out in a town 1 1/2 hrs away. We will go out then stay in hotel rooms for the night and return home the next day...She stated in the invite that we will be reserving rooms and splitting the cost of the rooms, an RSVP is required and then a check for their part to guarentee them a part of the room...if they don't send it and still want to come then they fend for themselves and get their own room.

    I don't think it is bad to ask for their share of the stay or the lomo ride...I have been to many bachelorette parties and I have never seen one person pay for everything.

    As for the whole birthday thing and people not pitching in...I think it is different with all groups of friends. When we have a get together everyone brings a dish and pictches in on costs along the way...If I have a party for a friend out of town everyone will pay their stay not just me...I think it is ok
  • steenbean18steenbean18 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    About the bridal party...I AM the bridal party!!  It's a small wedding and I'm the only one :)  So yes, I'd be glad to chip in. lol.  I've decided to go another route with the party now anyway.  Total cost for me will only be ~$300 plus food so I'm ok with nobody chipping in but I'll gladly accept if they offer :D  Thanks for the advice!
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  • edited December 2011
    i think it is inappropriate to ask for money.  you made the choice to do things this way, go and enjoy it.
  • edited December 2011
    I've never been to a bachelorette where I haven't been asked to chip in.  And I gladly do.  In fact, I've been told an exact amount, like "$35 covers drinks, take-out and taxi ride"  I think it's totally ok, and honestly would be shocked that 15 girls were partying while one girl was paying.  HTH.  Up to you, if you want to ask all the girls or just the BMs to pitch in.
  • plessjmplessjm member
    edited December 2011
    I have never been to a bachelorette party in which I haven't contributed something to the night. I have gone as part of the WP and non WP. I was not offended at all. Most of the time, if the hostess says don't worry about the costs I usually help buy the drinks for teh bride. I agree paying for a bunch a girls isn't really the point you are suppose to be spoiling the bride.
  • edited December 2011
    Be careful. One of my Bridsmaids planned my party, and asked an outrageous price from the girls going- I had a poor turn out.
  • mvh2010mvh2010 member
    edited December 2011
    my sister (MOH) asked my 4 other BM to chip in money for the party bus.  The BM are not thrilled with this idea and are putting me in the middle. (I was the MOH for 3 of my bridesmaids and a bridesmaid for the other girl).  So now, my sister said she would pay for the bus and whatever the BM could contribute would be appreciated.  And the other BM are still mad about it.  They never offered to chip in and plan anything and everyone is local.  The party bus is $500 for 5 hours. 

    I don't think it is appropriate to ask guests if they want to attend the bach party to chip in.  However, I have been asked to do this many times and have and will do it again for friends. 

    Hope you have a wonderful night!
  • edited December 2011
    I think that as long as you are not asking them to chip in a lot of money it is fine. I think that it also depends on what you are doing and what the cost is to you.  But making sure that the bride is okay with you asking for money is a great way to start, you know then what she is wanting, and how much you are willing to put out.  I have given money for many Bachlorette partys and as long as guests know ahead of time they have all seemed to be fine with it.
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