Anyone Hosting their own Bridal Shower?

APeoples

I am 25 yeras old and planning my first wedding. I have not been demanding of my bridesmaids, MOH, family at all, at least I don't think so.  I understand that it is tough right now on everyone and disposable income is not a luxury everyone can enjoy! However, only one BM has asked about bridal shower/bachelorette party PLANNING and everyone has made sure to explain that they have no extra money right now to help contribute. I am a little upset because I am having to do mostly everything by myself including paying for everything! I know I am sounding a little immature but this is not what I envisioned this part of the planning to be. I am always trying to help my friends/family any way I can and I don't feel like I am getting the same level of support from them. Any advice? (I mentioned my age before to explain that my friends are roughly the same age, so I don't know if it's the age, the group of people, what?!?!)

trix1223

No, because no one should be hosting their own bridal shower.  If someone offers to plan and throw one, then you have a shower.  If no one does, then you don't have a shower.

You'll still be married at the end of your ceremony, with or without  shower.  They are by no means mandated or a "right".

But a hearty good luck to you.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_anyone-hosting-their-own-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:8206c272-1b25-470d-88bc-d20ca272d250Post:d9919675-bd86-419c-a869-5d8861e35b33">Anyone Hosting their own Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am 25 yeras old and planning my first wedding. I have not been demanding of my bridesmaids, MOH, family at all, at least I don't think so.  I understand that it is tough right now on everyone and disposable income is not a luxury everyone can enjoy! However, only one BM has asked about bridal shower/bachelorette party PLANNING and everyone has made sure to explain that they have no extra money right now to help contribute. I am a little upset because I am having to do mostly everything by myself including paying for everything! I know I am sounding a little immature but this is not what I envisioned this part of the planning to be. I am always trying to help my friends/family any way I can and I don't feel like I am getting the same level of support from them. Any advice? (I mentioned my age before to explain that my friends are roughly the same age, so I don't know if it's the age, the group of people, what?!?!)
Posted by APeoples[/QUOTE]

MairePoppy

I can't imagine any circumstances that would make it acceptable for a bride to throw her own shower.

When you do nice things for your friends, as you have done, you don't do it with the intention of calling in a favor later. You do it because you want to do it and are able. Your friends have been up front in explaining they can't afford to throw a shower for you. Life isn't always fair.

Good luck.

LoveMuffins

I mean, I'd be a little hurt if I felt like I was always doing things for friends and no one wanted to do anything for me... however, it sounds like they do want to but they're financially strapped. That's not an excuse not to do something, that's a reason. Or you could explain to the one BM that has been generous enough to ask that you definitely don't want anything big or that would strain anyone's pocketbooks, that a sleepover with pizza would be an awesome bachlorette party. And try to remember that friendship is not a dollar amount... just because a friend can't afford to throw you a shower or bachlorette party doesn't mean they don't care. They'll find other ways to show you that they do.

KateG528

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_anyone-hosting-their-own-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8206c272-1b25-470d-88bc-d20ca272d250Post:d9919675-bd86-419c-a869-5d8861e35b33">Anyone Hosting their own Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I am 25 yeras old and planning my first wedding.</strong> I have not been demanding of my bridesmaids, MOH, family at all, at least I don't think so.  I understand that it is tough right now on everyone and disposable income is not a luxury everyone can enjoy! <strong>However, only one BM has asked about bridal shower/bachelorette party PLANNING and everyone has made sure to explain that they have no extra money right now to help contribute</strong>. I am a little upset because I am having to do mostly everything by myself including paying for everything<strong>! I know I am sounding a little immature </strong>but this is not what I envisioned this part of the planning to be. I am always trying to help my friends/family any way I can and I don't feel like I am getting the same level of support from them. Any advice? (I mentioned my age before to explain that my friends are roughly the same age, so I don't know if it's the age, the group of people, what?!?!)
Posted by APeoples[/QUOTE]

<div>Okay, allow me to explain my bolding.</div><div>
</div><div>1) Are you anticipating having more than one wedding/marriage?</div><div>
</div><div>2) Times are tough and BM/MOH are not required to throw a shower. They may not have money to spend that way right now.</div><div>
</div><div>3) Yeah, just a little...</div><div>
</div><div>Throwing yourself a shower would not be appropriate. You dont have to have a bridal shower, just be glad you found man who wants to spend his life with you and wants to marry you.  (Even if its your first marriage...)</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck to you.</div>

deepcovejackie

You'll probably be happier if you lower yor expectations of your WP.  A shower is a gift to you, a party in honour of you, not something you should be planning.  Good luck.

rab9it2

I am helping my friends plan mine. My family didn't have the room or money to throw a shower in there house so my friends offered to throw one. I decieded to help out so it wasn't to much work for them.

KateG528

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_anyone-hosting-their-own-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8206c272-1b25-470d-88bc-d20ca272d250Post:70b3e4eb-8eff-4d06-8b9d-3d86fa0737a8">Re: Anyone Hosting their own Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am helping my friends plan mine. My family didn't have the room or money to throw a shower in there house so my friends offered to throw one. I decieded to help out so it wasn't to much work for them.
Posted by rab9it2[/QUOTE]

<div>This is different because they are throwing the party. You are only helping out with paying for it. </div>

PenelopeSnuz

It is inappropriate for you to throw your own shower. End of story.

APeoples

Thanks for your opinions guys. Kate of course I don't plan on getting married again...I don't think anyone plans on getting a divorce! I mentioned it being my first wedding to point out that I haven't exhausted my friends and family with a wedding or any big event for that matter before. But thanks for pointing that out...I should've explained a bit more.

"...it sounds like they do want to but they're financially strapped. That's not an excuse not to do something, that's a reason. Or you could explain to the one BM that has been generous enough to ask that you definitely don't want anything big or that would strain anyone's pocketbooks, that a sleepover with pizza would be an awesome bachlorette party. And try to remember that friendship is not a dollar amount... just because a friend can't afford to throw you a shower or bachlorette party doesn't mean they don't care. They'll find other ways to show you that they do."

LoveMuffins, well said.

kitsune2290

Well, I guess I'm just a different kind of gal.

I am throwing my own shower and I really don't care if anyone thinks it is wrong or not because if nothing else, this wedding planning business has taught me that what other people think really doesnt matter at all just as long as my groom and I are happy. Ours is also co-ed or a Jack and Jill shower which invites both females and males. I have also passed the word around that I don't want any naughty gifts etc because I am not comfortable with someone doing that for me.

It stinks not to have support neccesarily but i'm sure your bridesmaids will at least help out with the throwing it aspect. I would ask your MOH to plan it out and tell her the main things you want and don't want and inform her that you will pay for the food and venue if you picked one that costs since that appears to be what you have to do Enjoy yourself girl! its your wedding! It won't matter who you made happy five years from now or even the day after, just as long as you guys are happy!

ldybug78

Go for it!  I'm throwing my own bachelorette party, mostly bc I want it to be the way I want it, and bc I am having a DW.  According to the boards I can't throw my own bachelorette party but I can if I call it a final fling.  Makes no sense but whatever. Do your own thing. I've been in so many weddings I would have loved for some of them to throw their own showers or bachelorette parties.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_anyone-hosting-their-own-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:8206c272-1b25-470d-88bc-d20ca272d250Post:88eb53d3-8c50-4331-a17e-f2e88209ce91">Re: Anyone Hosting their own Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I guess I'm just a different kind of gal. I am throwing my own shower and I really don't care if anyone thinks it is wrong or not because if nothing else, this wedding planning business has taught me that what other people think really doesnt matter at all just as long as my groom and I are happy. Ours is also co-ed or a Jack and Jill shower which invites both females and males. I have also passed the word around that I don't want any naughty gifts etc because I am not comfortable with someone doing that for me. It stinks not to have support neccesarily but i'm sure your bridesmaids will at least help out with the throwing it aspect. I would ask your MOH to plan it out and tell her the main things you want and don't want and inform her that you will pay for the food and venue if you picked one that costs since that appears to be what you have to do :) Enjoy yourself girl! its your wedding! It won't matter who you made happy five years from now or even the day after, just as long as you guys are happy!
Posted by kitsune2290[/QUOTE]


So if you're rude to everyone and you alienate them you don't care because you have your husband? 

That's an awfully lonely life.

melimo99

Wow, I'm appalled by some of the rude responses posted here!  Aren't we all brides looking for helpful (not mean) answers on this forum?  We all have strong opinions but there's no need to be argumentative.

APeoples - I'm sorry for your situation.  I think it's natural to feel disappointed if your friends and family aren't very supportive.  The bridal shower & bach party feel like rights of passage before your wedding and it's completely logical that you want to enjoy them. Unfortunately it is the truth that there are some things that will not turn out as you envisioned.  Every bride goes through that feeling at some point.

Many people will consider it impolite to host your own shower because it seems like a quest for gifts.  I don't see how it's any different from throwing your own birthday party, but wedding ettiquette is more rule bound.  If you want to go this route, maybe you could say "no gifts please" on the invitation.  People that want to give gifts will do as they choose anyway, and at least you can still have a fun party. 

You mentioned 1st wedding and 25 yrs old - have your friends or family gone through wedding planning with any one else before?  Older sisters?  Married friends?  If not, maybe they don't know what to expect.  The Knot has some really helpful articles under "Basics for Bridesmaids".  Maybe you could send them a link or talk over some points you read.  Carefully explain to them how important this is to you, but be mindful that if money really is an issue then you don't want to make them feel ashamed.  Like someone else suggested, give options for inexpensive parties like a backyard grill out or a potluck where each BM brings a dish to pass.
Also assure them that you will keep the guest list small - and follow through on that promise. 

Good luck!

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_anyone-hosting-their-own-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8206c272-1b25-470d-88bc-d20ca272d250Post:22127f71-3355-497b-a2b7-078d17170450">Re: Anyone Hosting their own Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I'm appalled by some of the rude responses posted here!  Aren't we all brides looking for helpful (not mean) answers on this forum?  We all have strong opinions but there's no need to be argumentative. APeoples - I'm sorry for your situation.  I think it's natural to feel disappointed if your friends and family aren't very supportive.  The bridal shower & bach party feel like rights of passage before your wedding and it's completely logical that you want to enjoy them. Unfortunately it is the truth that there are some things that will not turn out as you envisioned.  Every bride goes through that feeling at some point. Many people will consider it impolite to host your own shower because it seems like a quest for gifts.  I don't see how it's any different from throwing your own birthday party, but wedding ettiquette is more rule bound.  If you want to go this route, maybe you could say "no gifts please" on the invitation.  People that want to give gifts will do as they choose anyway, and at least you can still have a fun party.  You mentioned 1st wedding and 25 yrs old - have your friends or family gone through wedding planning with any one else before?  Older sisters?  Married friends?  If not, maybe they don't know what to expect.  The Knot has some really helpful articles under "Basics for Bridesmaids".  Maybe you could send them a link or talk over some points you read.  Carefully explain to them how important this is to you, but be mindful that if money really is an issue then you don't want to make them feel ashamed.  Like someone else suggested, give options for inexpensive parties like a backyard grill out or a potluck where each BM brings a dish to pass. Also assure them that you will keep the guest list small - and follow through on that promise.  Good luck!
Posted by melimo99[/QUOTE]

Please quote a single response here that was rude.  You won't be able to because there weren't any.  They didn't validate the OP's idea to throw her own shower which is quite an egregious faux pas.  But not a single one was rude.

Please learn the difference between a rude response, and one that doesn't validate a bad idea.

Rude response=You're throwing your own party?  Wow, you're a gift-grabby little jerk, aren't you?

Response giving an opinion:  You shouldn't be throwing your own shower because it's a breach of etiquette.

One is acceptable, and not at all rude.  The other is rude and unacceptable.

But a big good luck to you.

lkirby85

Apeoples, I completely agree with what melimo99 has to say! 

Shame on all of you that are so nasty and insulting, this is supposed to be a happy place!

My suggestions focus on the last part of what melimo99 said.  Have a get together with your bridal party and find out what questions they have about being part of a BP, it sounds like most of them do not have experience with sort of thing.  Bring your lap top and log onto this website and share other helpful material with them about to expect in their role. The important thing to remember is that the wedding is the big event and the rest is just for fun, a gift to you from those who want to do something extra special.

You shouldn't demand a shower by any means but if you have your heart set on one drop a few hints starting with the BM that already asked about some inexpensive and low key things you could do in lieu of a shower.  You can always offer to fund or help plan but the important thing is that you do not host it on your own. The only exception I see to this what melimo99 mentioned and that wold be to mention that you do not want gifts brought to the event, it is simply another celebration of your happiness.

Good luck and congratulations!

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_anyone-hosting-their-own-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:8206c272-1b25-470d-88bc-d20ca272d250Post:cdfbc03f-4606-46f1-8c9d-d79fa626b543">Re: Anyone Hosting their own Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Apeoples, I completely agree with what  melimo99 has to say!  <strong>Shame on all of you that are so nasty and insulting,</strong> this is supposed to be a happy place! My suggestions focus on the last part of what  melimo99 said.  Have a get together with your bridal party and find out what questions they have about being part of a BP, it sounds like most of them do not have experience with sort of thing.  Bring your lap top and log onto this website and share other helpful material with them about to expect in their role. The important thing to remember is that the wedding is the big event and the rest is just for fun, a gift to you from those who want to do something extra special. You shouldn't demand a shower by any means but if you have your heart set on one drop a few hints starting with the BM that already asked about some inexpensive and low key things you could do in lieu of a shower.  You can always offer to fund or help plan but the important thing is that you do not host it on your own. The only exception I see to this what  melimo99 mentioned and that wold be to mention that you do not want gifts brought to the event, it is simply another celebration of your happiness. Good luck and congratulations!
Posted by lkirby85[/QUOTE]

And again I ask:  show me a single post that was nasty and/or insulting.  If you want validation, may I suggest that you stick to a local board.  This board is international, and you'll get advice which is more helpful than blind validation.

But gosh, good luck to you.

MrsH8611

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_anyone-hosting-their-own-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:8206c272-1b25-470d-88bc-d20ca272d250Post:70b3e4eb-8eff-4d06-8b9d-3d86fa0737a8">Re: Anyone Hosting their own Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am helping my friends plan mine. My family didn't have the room or money to throw a shower in there house so my friends offered to throw one. I decieded to help out so it wasn't to much work for them.
Posted by rab9it2[/QUOTE]

Doing the same thing! We are all broke college students so my mom and I are helping pay for things even though my MOH is the host and getting everything together