I am an out-of-town bridesmaid! Help!

DRandol

I am not sure how to handle this, so please help.  I am one of four bridesmaids in an upcoming wedding.  I am the only one that is out of town.  I initally offered to help pay for the shower or whatever else needs to be taken care of.   A friend of the mother-of-the-bride thought she could do the bridal shower, which I could not attend.  At the time, no one told me that there was a cost to me for this.  Since, I have also been asked to pay $100 to help with the bachelorette party that I was also not able to attend.  I agreed.  With four-weeks til the wedding, 2, $450 airplane tickets to purchase, and a dress that needs to be altered (I am very pregnant), the MOH has TOLD me that my portion of the shower is another $175.  I don't feel that it is my duty to pay for it, but I am not sure of the etiquette rule.  PLEASE HELP! 

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_i-am-an-out-of-town-bridesmaid-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:840bbdc6-1f66-44f9-902d-fc2d8ea7ac04Post:98541c9b-b755-453a-9c2a-06bbb698e919">I am an out-of-town bridesmaid! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not sure how to handle this, so please help.  I am one of four bridesmaids in an upcoming wedding.  I am the only one that is out of town. <strong> I initally offered to help pay for the shower or whatever else needs to be taken care of. </strong>  A friend of the mother-of-the-bride thought she could do the bridal shower, which I could not attend.  At the time, no one told me that there was a cost to me for this.  Since, I have also been asked to pay $100 to help with the bachelorette party that I was also not able to attend.  I agreed.  With four-weeks til the wedding, 2, $450 airplane tickets to purchase, and a dress that needs to be altered (I am very pregnant), the MOH has TOLD me that my portion of the shower is another $175.  I don't feel that it is my duty to pay for it, but I am not sure of the etiquette rule.  PLEASE HELP! 
Posted by DRandol[/QUOTE]

Ordinarily I would say you are not obligated to chip in for a shower you didn't plan or say you'd contribute to, but the bolded makes it sound like you DID tell them you would help pay for the shower. I do think they should have run the number by you first to make sure it was in your budget (along with everyone else's) before planning it, but they didn't.

If you can't afford it, I would talk to the MOH and say, "This isn't in my budget and no one ran this by me first. I can contribute X amount of dollars toward the shower."

Ophelia0326

To be fair...the cost of transportation and the dress + alterations are things that every bridesmaid should expect to pay - that's part of the deal, and what you take into consideration when you agree to be a bridesmaid. The fact that you're an out of town bridesmaid and have to pay more to get to the wedding doesn't really affect the issue that you said you would pay for part of the shower. Was the way they asked you to a little rude? Yes. I also don't really think it's fair to be asked to pay for a bachelorette party you did not attend, but that sounds like it's a done deal. Being a bridesmaid is expensive, and sometimes it sucks. But it's too late to back out at this point.