Pre-wedding Parties
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Bridal Shower Drama

So my wedding's in March and last June one of my bridesmaid offered up her house as the setting for the bridal shower since obviously I can't host it, I didn't want my mom to feel like she has to host it, and my FMIL may be selling her house before then. My MOH had said she would be hosting the party back when I first got engaged, but as she lives in a small apartment that wouldn't have enough room to host it there, I thought it would be great for her. My MOH was fine with having it at my bridesmaid's house until my bridesmaid came up with all these ideas for it that my MOH didn't like to the point where my MOH said she'd just look for elsewhere to host it. Both of them called me up to ask me which one I wanted hosting, I tried telling both of them I wanted to stay out of it, but my MOH offered to host it first so I felt like I should honor that.
Now it's September, family members have been asking me for weeks when the shower's going to be (I have a lot of out of town family) and when I asked my MOH if she's picked out a date for it so I could start telling people she just shrugs and said "I haven't thought about it yet." and changes the subject. My FMIL at this point wants to take over on it because she's worried if we leave it up to the MOH that I won't have one, or it will be so short noticed most family members won't be able to make it. I'm just not sure what to do cause everyone looks at me as if I'm supposed to make these decisions and I feel like as the bride this is the one thing that I'm supposed to just show up for. Any advice?
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Re: Bridal Shower Drama

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    edited December 2011
    You're right, you shouldn't be in the middle of this and I commend you for trying to keep it that way.

    At this point in time, if I were you, I would let all three parties know that someone else wants to hosts the shower and they need to contact each other. Tell them that you really don't want to be put in the middle of anything and you really hope they work it out because you just want to spend time with your girls and your family. Hopefully this statement will remind them that it's not all about them, but honoring a friend. It's also okay to have more than 1 shower. In the case with your FMIL, she could host something for her side of the family, your mom and any siblings and the bridesmaids. Just make sure that everyone knows they don't have to attend multiple showers if that's the way it works out.

    I hope for your sake that someone takes the lead here and throws you a wonderful shower, because it sounds like their hearts are in the right place.
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    edited December 2011
    I wish I had your problem!  I had to plan my own mini second shower since my first was a surprise and my mom and MOH happened to forget to invite all MY friends. (The first shower ened up being basically a shower for my FI's side of the guest list.)   My MOH offered to host the second one but I ended up paying for most of it and planning it and making all the decorations. Oh, and then she yelled at me for not helping her get rid of guests that stayed way past the end time when she gave me no signs that she wanted them gone.

    I agree with waltzingmatilda, you should let them know they need to figure it out...or tell your MOH, if she doesn't figure something out by blank date, someone else is going to host your shower.  You can explain to her that you are giving her a deadline because your family keeps asking and they want to be able to make it from out of town without short notice.  If she seems unreasonable, just have your bridesmaid or FMIL throw it.  If your MOH does eventually get on the ball, you are allowed to have more than one shower.  My FSIL had 3 before she got married.
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    jms1019jms1019 member
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies, I do feel very lucky to have the problem I do with so many people wanting to help out. I took your advice and talked to my MOH to let her know I needed to know a date soon so I could let family know and she's at least sent out an email to my mom and my FI's mom. It's at least a step in the right direction and my FSIL is focusing her efforts on my bachelorette party, so it seems like everyone's happy for the time being. Thanks for your support! :-)
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