Massive Bridal Shower Confusion

bmetelka

Here's my deal... I am getting married in August and having 1 MOH who lives 500 miles away and 2 BMs who's weddings I just stood up in recently who live by me. They have all mentioned if I wanted a shower and initially I said no (FI pretty much have all the household stuff we really need) but now I am thinking that it would be kind of nice to have one. Here's the catch, my MOH is already spending waaay too much money by flying out here for the wedding and dress shopping already. One of the BMs didn't have a shower and the other had a pretty elaborate one that I believe was thrown by her family and all the BMs had to do was bake and make centerpieces. She hinted that my Dad host, which I'm pretty sure he would have no problem footing the bill if the BMs planned everything. (Both my FIs mom and my mom are deceased and neither of us have any female relatives that are close) Basically, my dilemma is that I would feel uncomfortable making my BMs pay for anything and I don't want to be a burden. Is it inconceivable for my Dad to host? Any thoughts? Thanks!

kamarks08

Well, etiquette always states that it's not a good idea to have an immediate family member host the showers. It makes the bride/family look greedy and all that jazz. Note: I am not saying you are, I'm simply just telling you what etiquette says.

Other than that, I think there's a difference if your dad technically "pays" and the BM's host (games, invitations, bake, etc.)

But it may be frowned upon to have you dad the host and do everything...

MairePoppy

This depends on your social circle. In mine, it is considered acceptable for the MOB/MOG to host a shower for the very reason that you mention: we don't want to burden the bms or friends with the expense of throwing the shower because they are already buying dresses and incurring travel expenses. Sometimes, the bms are listed as the hosts for the shower on the invitations and they act as hostesses at the party. I have also seen the mothers listed as hosts. I see no difference between a mother or father throwing the shower. So if your Dad has offered, IMO, it would be fine to accept.

Once upon a time, when the bride was going directly to the husband's home from her parent's home, with little resources of her own, it was considered her family's responsibility to help the newlyweds 'set up housekeeping.' They were not supposed to shift the burden onto friends and relatives by hosting a shower. It was up to the friends to throw a shower or not.  But things are different now. Couples marry later, both are employed and financially independent from their parents. Anyone, except the bride or groom, may host a shower.

Good luck.

dramaz

In my circle the mother (in your case, father) almost always hosts the shower and that is expected and not frowned upon at all. In fact, if the mother doesn't host the shower, people side eye it and wonder why. It all depends on your social circle, in mine it would be acceptable for your dad to host IF HE OFFERED, though.

annmarie714

Don't ask your dad to host/"foot-the-bill", but if he offers, you may accept.

In my area, many times the MOH is a sister.  This was the case in my sister's wedding (I was the MOH) so technically family hosted the event and no one side-eyed me or my sister & thought we were being greedy.  I personally think that frame of mind is for people who think they're better than others and an old way of thinking.