Pre-wedding Parties

Party dilemma

How do I let the bride down gently, or find a way to get it done?

Re: Party dilemma

  • edited December 2011
    Your friend is a bridezilla.  It is not the MOH's duty to "give the bride what she wants."  While showers and bachelorette parties are nice, they aren't a required part of getting married.  No one is obligated to throw the bride a party. 

    You should tell the bride what you told us.  You love her, but being part of her wedding is costing you a lot of money and you can't afford to throw her big fancy parties. 

    It's up to you whether you are comfortable offering to host a small, inexpensive gathering.  If someone else wants to throw a big party for her, they are welcome to do so.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    And if you TRULY can't afford to host it, then you can tell her that.  She has no right to demand that you throw certain parties to her standards.  Honestly, with her attitude, I'd just tell her you're sorry, but you aren't able to host the party, and let that be it.  I wouldn't throw a party for a self-centered, bratty, middle-aged child.

    Sounds like you can swing either the wedding trip or the b-party, but not both.  What would she pick if you gave her the choice between the two? 
  • jabecknerjabeckner member
    edited December 2011
    Gosh, with how demanding she is, it is no wonder she doesn't have any more close friends in her wedding party.

    Like everyone else said , you are not obligated to throw this prty for her. But, I imagine you are probably a good friend and you want to give her what she wants. Maybe you can throw an afternoon shower,  not during a meal time say like 2pm. Just serve punch and small cheap snacks. And the shower will probably be over by 5. Thus no alcohol problems to worry about.

    You can also consider a smaller guest list. Maybe tell her your budget and the amount of people you are able to acomodate?

    Just some thoughts good luck.
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  • edited December 2011
    Your friend is being demanding and unreasonable. Take a couple of days to figure out what you can afford in regard to a bridal shower (if you want to throw her one) If it is a cake and sherbert punch type of gathering, that is what it is (by the way, I would be very happy with that arrangement, as would most brides on these boards, so don't think a simple affair = a bad affair.) Go to your bride and talk to her about dates and guestlist. Let her know that your budget allows for a cake and punch afternoon shower (or whatever you determine). If she throws a fit inform her you will be unable to give her the gift of a shower if she requires more than what you are able and willing to provide.

    Most bach parties don't usually cost the hostess a ton of money because they are usually simple "night on the town' type of parties and it is understood that all the girls pay their own way and cover the costs of the bride. If you want to throw your friend a bach party let her know this is the type of party your budget allows. If she is unhappy with that, again, let her know you will be unable to host it for her.

    No one should ever judge your reasonings for giving or not giving them a gift. Especially when your reason is so valid. What does she expect you to do? Not buy your books for the semester? Let your kids skip dinner for a month?
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  • edited December 2011
    No.  Your friend and her expectations are hugely out of line.  Have the party you can afford.  There's nothing wrong with hosting a small gathering in your home, with some nice appetizers etc.  If that's not good enough for the bride, then don't hold a party for her.

    She sounds like a peach.
  • edited December 2011
    Well, your friend IS right about one thing.  The guests at a shower should not have to provide their own food. 

    However, she's wrong in pretty much every other aspect.  Have you asked any of her close friends if they'd be interested in co-hosting with you?  Honestly, you need to plan the parties that you (and anyone who might be willing to cohost) can afford.  If that means cake and punch at someone's house, then that's what she gets.  But, personally, I'd just refuse to throw her anything since she's being such a snob about it.
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