Pre-wedding Parties

money tree/wishing well shower???

My fiance and I have decided not to make a registry because we have lived together for 5 years, have two children and honestly don't need a thing (seriously, I already have two blenders, 3 sets of steak knives, 5 frying pans and FOUR pizza cutters!!) But my MOH wants to host a shower for me. It's going to be in the morning so we are calling it a Bridal Brunch. Since we aren't registered my MOH wants to do a money tree or wishing well. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my very opinionated FMIL. She told me in no uncertain terms that I must make a registry and that I cannot have a wishing well shower because "people don't like that sort of thing". Now, my MOH had a wishing well shower and between it and the wedding she ended up with nearly $4500 in cash and gift cards...so clearly ppl couldn't have been that bothered by it. But what my FMIL said still makes me wonder if I should have a shower at all.. Is there an alternative to this? Do I just tell my MOH that I've decided not to have a shower after all??

Re: money tree/wishing well shower???

  • We'd really like $$ as well, but aren't quite sure how to ask without stepping on toes.  Why don't you try a themed shower like "stock the bar" (as long as you drink, you can always use more alcohol) or "date night" (they can get you gift cards for dinner, movie passes, theater/concert tickets, etc) - you could also try one of the cash registry websites like honeyfund.com and register for cash to go towards certain things (like your honeymoon or babysitting so you can have a night out).  If I was going to a shower where I was giving a smaller gift, like a bottle of tequila, I'd add a cash gift in, or give more at their wedding.  Your hostess can also pass on the cash request verbally to those that you don't think will mind.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2013
    It's always rude to ask people for money. Just because people attend and "donate" to someone who is their friend and they presumably care about doesn't mean they weren't bothered by it. And honeymoon registries are tacky as well. You can check out the thoughts on those over on the Honeymoon board. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_money-treewishing-well-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:99307ce1-9ede-4f62-a723-6fc9b5c2010ePost:f99e3a37-dda5-42cd-a920-2dc302e80df1">money tree/wishing well shower???</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I have decided not to make a registry because we have lived together for 5 years, have two children and honestly don't need a thing (seriously, I already have two blenders, 3 sets of steak knives, 5 frying pans and FOUR pizza cutters!!) But my MOH wants to host a shower for me. It's going to be in the morning so we are calling it a Bridal Brunch. Since we aren't registered my MOH wants to do a money tree or wishing well. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my very opinionated FMIL. She told me in no uncertain terms that I must make a registry and that I cannot have a wishing well shower because "people don't like that sort of thing". Now, my MOH had a wishing well shower and between it and the wedding she ended up with nearly $4500 in cash and gift cards...so clearly ppl couldn't have been that bothered by it. But what my FMIL said still makes me wonder if I should have a shower at all.. Is there an alternative to this? Do I just tell my MOH that I've decided not to have a shower after all??
    Posted by lynnsy25[/QUOTE]
    If the whole point of a shower is to get gifts... and you don't want any gifts, then why are you having a shower?
    And, clearly you want things because you are more than happy to accept people's cash lol.

    As pp said, just because people might have contributed to the money tree, does not mean they weren't bothered by it. A lot of people dont' like giving cash gifts. They just don't. And just because they didn't say anything to the bride (your MOH) doesn't mean they weren't bothered by it. 

    I say, skip the shower or at least be ready to accept gifts. You don't have to register to have a shower, but if you let people go off on their own to pick you out stuff, you might end up wishing you had skipped the shower lol.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Honey funds, wishing wells, cash registries, ALL are horribly rude. Would you ask people for money any other day of the year? Never ask people for money. You are not alone, lynnsy. Most brides and grooms need nothing. Have a get together, if your MOH wants, and don't call it a shower. Otherwise have a stock the bar shower as suggested, or register. Think about upgrading your sheets, towels, pots n pans, stainless, lingerie, or even picking out some outdoor plastic barware. Sears has a registry where you can select tools and hardware.
  • PPs are right.   It's never OK to ask for money.   You can throw a themed shower but asking for money is just not a nice thing at all.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Never, ever ask for money in any form, including the honeyfund, gift cards, money tree etc... There is no acceptable way to do something that is rude. Your MOH may host a brunch in your honor, but don't call it a shower, if you don't want gifts.

                       
  • PP are right. This is rude and tacky.
     
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  • I am having a wishing well . I bought it on etsy and people write their well wishes on a wooden heart and then put it in the well instead of a guest book . Is there something wrong with this ?
  • Your FMIL is dead on.  Your MOH may not have HEARD any complaints about her wishing well shower, but I guarantee you people thought it was tacky and rude, and someone was offended.  They just had the proper manners to not complain about it.  The purpose of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts.  If you don't need anything, decline the shower.  Easy peasy.
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