Pre-wedding Parties

Who hosts Engagement and Bridal Party??

I live in another state from all of my really good friends and family. Am I allowed to throw my own party where I currently live with my new friends since I don't think anyone will put one together for me?

My future sis in law said she's gonna throw my engagement party but I'm starting to think it's not going to happen unless I throw it...

Re: Who hosts Engagement and Bridal Party??

  • No, you can't throw either an engagement or a bridal shower for yourself.  You only get them if someone offers to throw them for you.



  • It's poor form to throw a party for yourself where you are the guest of honor, especially if they are gift giving events.
    Hopefully someone throws the parties for you. If not, it's not a big deal. You still get to have a wedding lol. :)
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  • It would suck to not be able to have a bridal shower... 

    Have your friends/family back home offered to throw one for you there? Maybe you should just travel back for it.
  • I would go ahead and throw your own.  I know it's supposedly poor ettiquette but I don't see why you can't. 

    An engagement party is to announce your engagement and celebrate that fact with family and friends (no gifts)...so I think you and your FI can do that on your own and invite close family and friends.  Since you're hosting, you can call it a pre-wedding get together instead of 'engagement party'. That way people won't feel obligated to bring a gift.

    Not sure about the bridal shower though as that is a gift giving event. Maybe talk to a few friends and see what they have planned. I hope someone throws one for you though... how much fun.  IF you want to throw your own shower, without it being a shower, have a spa party. Invite all the girls and have a day of girly fun. You can register for gifts for the wedding and spread the info on your website and by word of mouth.

    In FI's family and culture, it is tradtion for the groom to throw the engagement party for the bride. It takes place closer to the wedding and  is more of a serenade.  I have been to a few where all the girls 'hid' in the house, while the guys and groom stayed outside or arrived with a mariachi or trio. After the bride gets serenaded, she joins her groom where they get serenaded together. Then they party all night with family (no gifts).
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Almost everyone on here advises against throwing your own engagement party because it's poor etiquette but me and my fiance threw our own engagement party and everyone had a good time. No one thought it was rude and we didn't expect any gifts. We even did a potluck type thing and it was a blast! We did get two gifts but that was totally unexpected. Anyways, I think you should do whatever you want. I think it depends on the people you know. The people I know just saw it as an opportunity to party and celebrate our engagement with us. :)
  • THAT'S HOW I FEEL, I ACTUALLY JUST NOW TOOK THE WORD ENGAGEMENT OUT FROM OUR INVITATION. WE ARE IN NO WAY EXPECTING GIFTS AND BECAUSE I KNOW NO1 WILL THROW US A PARTY, WE SIMPLY CAME UP WITH THE IDEA OF A COOK OUT AND CELEBRATE OLD FRIENDS WE LOST TOUCH AND ENJOY GOOD FOOD AND DRINKS WHILE WATCHING A GREAT BOXING FIGHT ON PAYPERVIEW LOL. SO IM HAPPY THAT OUT OF HUNDREDS SAYING ITS BAD IM HAPPY TO FIND THAT THERE WAS YOU TO SAY IT WAS OK  <div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_who-hosts-engagement-and-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:99d78e93-2490-48af-b41d-a26950745f54Post:58da287f-5de8-4df3-b478-545cf9f35844">Re: Who hosts Engagement and Bridal Party??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Almost everyone on here advises against throwing your own engagement party because it's poor etiquette but me and my fiance threw our own engagement party and everyone had a good time. No one thought it was rude and we didn't expect any gifts. We even did a potluck type thing and it was a blast! We did get two gifts but that was totally unexpected. Anyways, I think you should do whatever you want. I think it depends on the people you know. The people I know just saw it as an opportunity to party and celebrate our engagement with us. :)
    Posted by ErinEllen[/QUOTE]

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  • When it comes to the bridal shower, you never want to throw it yourself. In my opinion, at least. A bridal shower is traditionally a gift giving event, and if you're throwing yourself an event where people need to bring gifts, it might seem a little pushy.

    However, that being said, my tone changes with the engagement party. My fiance and I actually put together the engagement party, and it is being hosted at my family home.

    Traditionally, the engagement party is hosted by the bride's family (which in a way in our case, it is), and it is meant to formally announce the engagement, and it's also an opportunity for the two families to meet. Well, our engagement has already been announced, so there's no need to actually announce it again, and our families have already met (except our mothers haven't met, but his mother is coming to finally meet my family, so that's another way we're slightly sticking to tradition). Also, because the engagement party was traditionally meant to announce the engagement, people didn't bring gifts, because they didn't know to bring gifts. So, an engagement party isn't a gift giving event. Which is another reason we planned it.

    We decided to plan ours, because we live in a different city then the majority of our families and friends (we're both from Grand Rapids, MI and we're currently residing in East Lansing, MI because I just graduated from MSU, and he works in Lansing), and it's really hard for either of us to get a weekend off and visit everyone.

    After we got engaged, all of our friends wanted us to visit so they could hear the story, see the ring, etc. But due to my demanding classwork and work schedule, as well as his work schedule (as well as all of our friends, who are mostly new college graduates with extremely busy schedules), we couldn't possibly see everyone. So, I picked a day a month and a half ahead time to request off work, and let everyone know that we're having a party so everyone can hang out, and hear the story, see the ring, as well as just getting to hang out with everyone. Also, at our engagement party, we're formally announcing our wedding party, and it gives them a chance to all meet and get to know each other ahead of time (only two of my bridesmaids know each other, and this would be the only time they could all meet, because they all had ample time to request the day off). We're also feeding everyone, so it's not like we told people to take a day off from work, drive from all over the state, and then make them pay for their dinner.
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