underage BM?

cdstadler

There is one girl in my bridal party that is not of legal drinking age. I DO like the occasional going out and having a drink....and i know exactly where i want my bachelorette party to be....and its a bar.

Question is....is it ok that we dont include her because she is underage? She is an emotional type person...and gets her feelings hurt easily. I dont want her to think that its purposeful. Should we go to somewhere else where she can get in even if she cant drink? I dont want her to be bored either. Its no fun sitting around watching other people drink!

What is your guys' take on the situation?

CassieeK

Just make sure to plan a special day doing something just with her, then...lunch or a spa day or something to include her. 

ShakeUpTampa

My little sister is 17, my MOH is planning something appropriate (I know nothing yet) but we tossed ideas of a hotel night/slumber party with dinner, karaoke/live music dinner place (mugs & jugs or similar) I would never want my sister excluded due to her age and no matter what we do we can make drinks or have a few with dinner.

kelnash89

My younger sister and one FSIL who will both be in my bridal party are not 21. I am asking for a girls weekend at a lakehouse so they can be included. The girls who are of age can drink and then we aren't excluding the other two.

Maybe kick off your bachelorette party with dinner that she can attend and then hit the bars up. Or ask her to make up your scavenger hunt or other games so she can be included.

lizzie.duvall

I was in this situation last year, and while it was sad being unincluded in the main party, I knew that what was most important was that the bride was happy! I think your underage BM will also appreciate that, or should probably wouldn't be one!

In order to ease the situation, you could do a dinner with all your maids and even moms before going out. Or plan a second event. For us, we went out to dinner in the city and rented a hotel. I stayed at the hotel while the others went to the bars. I was able to "pregame" with the girls before. I'll definitely admit thought, that when they came home drunk it was a bit annoying haha! But its all in good fun. I also planned a second BM get together at a pottery painting shop where we all painted bowls and plates for the bride. It was fun to plan for her and be included and I think she appreciated that I knew when to step up and back down Goodluck!

caseyhaynes429

My younger sister will be underage when I have my bach party and she already knows she's wont be going. We do a lot a wedding stuff together so she's not hurt by it, she's 9 years younger than the rest of the BP so I know she feels special being a part of the BP anyway, and not being called like a "junior" bridesmaid or anything. I dont see why any one would be offended because they arent of age and cant go. Bach parties are usually at 21+ places and I wouldnt want mine anywhere else, which is just preference. GL! Hope that helps

caseyhaynes429

Also, I dont know how young she is but if you're drinking and having fun with your girls, you dont want to have to worry about watching what you say/do around her either and feeling like a bad influence. Just another thought!

SarahBabs

I actually just had a convo with my friend about this yesterday - it came up randomly, as I don't have anyone under 21 in my party.  She was her older sister's MOH and planned the bar crawl with the help of some of the of-age WP.  She went inside the places that didn't card at the door, and a few of the other girls stayed outside with her and chatted at places that wouldn't let her in - they rotated so all of the 21+ girls could get drinks and party with the bride. She said it turned out fine, but it seems like this would only be feasible if the bar crawl is really planning on bouncing around from place to place. 

Summer2011Bride

Could you get a hotel room and drink there? That way those of age could still imbibe, AND she could hang out with you guys all night. I hate the idea of "sending someone home" after dinner or what not b/c they are not old enough.

Or what about a place like Old Chicago? Where those under 21 can get in, but just not drink.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:9a1db140-ccf7-4165-a41c-8b26030ead66Post:1c4421db-ab06-4f9c-bd6b-561f40ac870b">Re: underage BM?</a>:
[QUOTE]My younger sister will be underage when I have my bach party and she already knows she's wont be going. We do a lot a wedding stuff together so she's not hurt by it, she's 9 years younger than the rest of the BP so I know she feels special being a part of the BP anyway, and not being called like a "junior" bridesmaid or anything.<strong> I dont see why any one would be offended because they arent of age and cant go. </strong>Bach parties are usually at 21+ places and I wouldnt want mine anywhere else, which is just preference. GL! Hope that helps :)
Posted by caseyhaynes429[/QUOTE]

I would b/c you're essentially saying "Me going to X Bar is more important than spending time with you." And there are SO many things to do for bach parties that aren't just over 21. You could take a spa day for crying out loud.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:9a1db140-ccf7-4165-a41c-8b26030ead66Post:9f5d6f72-655f-43b9-8627-ec05c12042e0">Re: underage BM?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, I dont know how young she is but if you're drinking and having fun with your girls, you dont want to have to worry about watching what you say/do around her either and feeling like a bad influence. Just another thought!
Posted by caseyhaynes429[/QUOTE]

Unless she's like 6, I honestly don't think OP is going to have to worry about this, and it seems like a lame excuse to leave her out so you can go do what you want.

shugamegan

My vote would go to at least starting the night off at a place where everyone is welcome. When 10:30 -11pm hits ( Just a ballpark- I don't know when everyone else goes out), go to the bars but, make sure you explain the situation to the underage person and they they have some sort of transportation home.

peanutty2

In my case I have FI's sis as a BM and she's only 17 (my friends and I are 28-31), so the bachlorette party is planned to be a drinking event.  I know she's super shy as it is and doesn't drive yet... so I don't think she will be offended or is expecting to be involved in anything.  FI is going to talk to her to be sure.  I was thinking we could do a girls lunch or something another day to make up for it though.

If this girl is going to be upset, then that would be kind of mean to completely leave her out of things.  Maybe you could at least do a dinner first that she can attend and then split off for drinks?  Or be in a venue where she can be as well but just can't get drinks (if there are such places).

jerseydevil

I think it's pretty rude, TBH. She can't help that she is underage.

Go to the bar with the girls another night and include your underage BM in the bachelorette party. I think spending time with someone I care about is more important than going to a certain bar.

TJSnyder

I'm in the same prediciment.  While my FSIL will be 19, I still couldn't imagine not including her in the fun.  Even when she told me "not to worry about it".  I've been there and remember how it felt.  Then again my ex SIL was a B****.  Anyway, I've heard ideas of having two parties or doing a casino trip a few hours away where she can still participate and we can have cocktails.  Spas can get pricey so that may be out of the question.

mrsthoser

I was a BM when I was like 14 and the bride and other BMs were all 21+. The bride did a sleepover at her house and we all brought our favorite board game. No drinking involved, and still a great time!

Also keep in mind most bars/places will probably let your underage BM in and sit at the bar, but they just won't serve her. Suggest a mocktail, "virgin" drink or other fun non-alcoholic beverage (my fave was a shirley temple) that she can have. That way she doesn't feel completely out of place just drinking Coke.

HTH

christinas513

My MOH is my little sister, and she is 19. We are going to tailgate at the horse track all day and get hotel rooms at night, so everyone can join and everyone can have fun, drinking or not.

rachaelgettingmarried

I have disagree with some here, I think if you can include her that is great, but if your other BMs have something planned that unfortunately can't include her she will understand. If she doesn't understand now, she will understand when she is 21. I honestly don't know what is happening for my party, but my MOH approached me about this because my FSIL is not 21 and in college so she may not even be in the state when this happens. I told her if we could include her for part of it great, but if we can't let me know and I will be sure to do something special with her.

I think if you have your heart set on a bar, then it is your wedding and your bach party, do it up! Just make sure to do something special with your FSIL to make her feel included. I would also make sure people don't make too big of a deal out of it in front of her. For example, no insider jokes of the bach party when you are getting ready the day of the wedding.

TJSnyder

We don't HAVE to drink, but there is always Wine at family dinners...lol.  I don't want everyone sh**faced, but to be able to enjoy a nice dinner, relax and have a cocktail/wine would be nice.  I think I would be upset if my other BM's didn't try to involve her.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:9a1db140-ccf7-4165-a41c-8b26030ead66Post:505284de-0500-4589-b918-927e3758b1ab">Re: underage BM?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have disagree with some here, I think if you can include her that is great, but if your other BMs have something planned that unfortunately can't include her she will understand. If she doesn't understand now, she will understand when she is 21. I honestly don't know what is happening for my party, but my MOH approached me about this because my FSIL is not 21 and in college so she may not even be in the state when this happens. I told her if we could include her for part of it great, but if we can't let me know and I will be sure to do something special with her. I think if you have your heart set on a bar, then it is your wedding and your bach party, do it up! Just make sure to do something special with your FSIL to make her feel included. I would also make sure people don't make too big of a deal out of it in front of her. For example, no insider jokes of the bach party when you are getting ready the day of the wedding.
Posted by rachaelgettingmarried[/QUOTE]

Honestly I didn't understand this.  If I'm part of "the group" then the group needs to include me.