Texas-Dallas and Ft. Worth
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Update...sorry for being a post whore the last two days

It turned into them verbally attacking me and they are not coming to the wedding, we are no longer welcome in their home. His sister sent him an email basically insinuating that this was all my idea and his mom said that I am using this as revenge.  I will never be a part of their family because I don’t know what family is.  They said they had it figured out they knew which credit card they were going to use.  This just validates our decision even more they should not be using credit with the situation they are in.  His sister’s last sentence of her email was I got to try on a pretty dress that everyone I have showed thinks I look beautiful and now no one will get to see me!  Matt got so fed up he set them straight and told them it was his decision he is fed up with them acting like this they don’t have to like me but with everything I have tried to do for them short of driving them up here and never even got a thank you how dare they then call me unthoughtful and inconsiderate.  He told them we want them at the wedding if they want to support us in our marriage but at this point we seem to be far past that so if they choose not to not to come he is okay with that and they can’t pretend to be angels because they have said some very hurtful things.  Also they said we need to take his dads invite back to because he doesn’t want us getting married either. There was MUCH MUCH more said but it would take a long time to type it all out.  I couldn’t sleep I feel horrible. This weekend is Matt’s bday and he already has all his gifts and I want to do something for him but I just don’t know what and I know this isn’t my fault but it is because of me and I am having trouble distinguishing the difference.  I can’t even eat I am so sick to my stomach. I promise this will be the last thing about this I am going to try my best to just move on and let it be everything that needs to be said was said.

Re: Update...sorry for being a post whore the last two days

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    MLandCJMLandCJ member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    WHOA! That is some explosive stuff. :(

     "I got to try on a pretty dress that everyone I have showed thinks I look beautiful and now no one will get to see me!"

    I think that you got it right when you said yesterday that you felt like all she wanted was to wear a pretty dress and get her hair done. This day is NOT about her, it is about YOU.
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    edited December 2011
    Oh geez.  I'm so sorry to be reading this.  This is NOT because of you...I'm sure Matt could be marrying Tyra Banks and there would be problems...it is NOT you, Bobbileigh, I promise.  This is on them.   And his sisters comments about the dress?  That just validates everything you have thought from the beginning: she wants it to be about her.

    As far as the dads invite, I wouldn't necessarily believe them until you actually talk to the dad.  Since they can't partake in the day, they may be making sure no one else can either.

    No need to apologize either...I don't think you are being a postwhore plus it's a rough time and some of us have BTDT and I know I am willing to lend an ear.  I hope you can find something fun to do for Matts birthday.

    ((HUGS))
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry, Bobbileigh.  Every child dreams of their family supporting them in all their endeavors and it's terrible when that doesn't happen.

    Maybe you guys could do ICE or something this weekend.  If you do go, go earlier in the day.  Or may be go find some nice areas to look at Christmas lights. 
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    edited December 2011
    I haven't had a chance to catch up on this, but I truly hope that things get better whatever that means.  I can't believe that your dealing with all of that and hope that you will not beat yourself up.  Sounds like they are very at fault.  I hope that you can help Matt have a great birthday, I am sure that he will with you by his side.
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    edited December 2011

    Holy Moly!  I'm so sorry Bobbileigh.. I don't even know what to say.  I guess just let them be... I'm sure when the dust settles they will realize what fools they have been.  Hopefully it won't be too late to see their son get married to a wonderful woman.

    I think the ICE is a good idea or the Grapevine Wine train sounds fun too... might cheer him up a little... or maybe even Holiday in the Park at Six Flags?

    You guys really don't deserve this. 

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    edited December 2011
    How awful!  I am so sorry.  You are definitely not being a post-whore. You are going through a rough time right now and most of us can relate in regards to ILs.  (Especially SILs - I'm all ears, because I can 100% relate!!)

    I also do not think this is your fault.  Her statement about being in a pretty dress is ridiculous.  She's only upset about the dress, not that she's not going to be included in her brother's big day. 

    Plus, it's Matt's choice to distance himself from them.  You are not forcing him to do this.  I think ICE is a good suggestion - or even hot chocolate and Christmas lights. 
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    edited December 2011
    Hey Bobbie Leigh, I can't believe they came at you like that.. well from what you said maybe I can believe it. I'm sorry to hear about this. At least Matt is supporting you. I don't understand why they have to be like that. One good thing. You saved $150 on a dress right?

    Hopefully, things will simmer down. Hopefully you are able to sleep and eat soon. It's not your fault. They are causing unneccesary drama. Is there any way you and Matt can go somewhere to get away from all this stuff?? Maybe got to a B&B for the night or something. Just do some alone romantic time.
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    edited December 2011
    I know we don't really know each other, but I still wanted to say that I'm so sorry that you and your FI are going through this.  You're totally right that it's not your fault.  Maybe this weekend wil be a turning a point in which you can begin to shift your energy back on each other and focus on all the good things about your relationship and about getting married.  Take care of yourself in the meantime.
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    MLandCJMLandCJ member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_updatesorry-being-post-whore-last-two-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:74425097-ac66-4b50-825b-eb0a1a6c042dPost:f723e366-fd86-4c7d-a5e3-0f775c981530">Re: Update...sorry for being a post whore the last two days</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so sorry, Bobbileigh.  Every child dreams of their family supporting them in all their endeavors and it's terrible when that doesn't happen.<strong> Maybe you guys could do ICE or something this weekend</strong>.  If you do go, go earlier in the day.  Or may be go find some nice areas to look at Christmas lights. 
    Posted by juliebug1997[/QUOTE]

    We went this weekend and it was alot of fun! They validate your parking if you go to ICE and it's fun just to walk around because of all the stuff they have set up. I would def. reccomend that for sure....but bring gloves :)
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the kind words and the suggestions ladies.  I think ICE sounds like a great idea neither of us have ever been to anything like it and I think we would enjoy it.
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    sarathirzasarathirza member
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    edited December 2011
    I am so so so sorry you're having to go through this! I can't imagine having to deal with those kind of attitudes when you're trying to start a life together.  As far as this - I don't think its you at all,  I think he could be marrying St. Theresa or the Queen and they would still have issues. - " I know this isn’t my fault but it is because of me and I am having trouble distinguishing the difference." - - I don't think its you at all,  I think he could be marrying St. Theresa or the Queen and they would still have issues.  Try your best to take care of yourself, hope you find peace soon!
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    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry to hear this! :-(  These people are just being ridiculous!  It is not your fault that this is happening!  Obviously, your FI is fed up with the behavior as well and he seems to be on your side.  I know it sucks, but things will get better!
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    Anniversary

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    bsn1752bsn1752 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry... I don't even know what to say.  But shortgirl is right, this is definitely not you... this is them.  Rise above and you'll be the bigger person in the end.  ((hugs))
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    fallbride1109fallbride1109 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry to hear this but BRAVO for your FI for standing up and taking control of the situation for both of you.  He has given them the choice to make and rightly so.  I know it is painful though, I don't want to insinuate that it isn't.  I will be hoping that they come around and that you can all heal and come together in time for the wedding.  But if that doesn't happen, it's on them, not you and you will have a wonderful day with the people that love you.  Continue to support each other and you will get through it.
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto everything Stephie said. I'm really proud of your FI for standing up for you and for himself.

    His family should trust and love him enough to give you a chance. Notice I said, "should?" I really hope it all works out with his family, but if it doesn't, at least you know that you are the most important thing to your FI. You have an amazingly strong base for your relationship, if you can get through this.
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_updatesorry-being-post-whore-last-two-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:74425097-ac66-4b50-825b-eb0a1a6c042dPost:ba4ba10e-cbe6-4f23-a45b-39ed3b090ceb">Re: Update...sorry for being a post whore the last two days</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto everything Stephie said. I'm really proud of your FI for standing up for you and for himself. <strong>His family should trust and love him enough to give you a chance. Notice I said, "should?"</strong> I really hope it all works out with his family, but if it doesn't, at least you know that you are the most important thing to your FI. You have an amazingly strong base for your relationship, if you can get through this.
    Posted by MsLaura31[/QUOTE]

    I think it's amazing how many times the should doesn't happen or never happens. 
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    edited December 2011
    I know, right?...
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you are going through this, but please remember that it's not your fault!
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    edited December 2011
    In addition to this not being about YOU, maybe they just don't really like the fact that he is an adult and can make his own decisions; not only can they not tell him what to do anymore, his attention is more focused on you guys and the new unit he is creating (rightfully so) rather than on them?  It's more of a disapproval of his adult choices, not necessarily you.

    And yes, kudos to your husband. 
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_updatesorry-being-post-whore-last-two-days?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:74425097-ac66-4b50-825b-eb0a1a6c042dPost:27b6cf04-6eae-40d7-a1a6-d0d788d3d7f3">Re: Update...sorry for being a post whore the last two days</a>:
    [QUOTE]In addition to this not being about YOU, maybe they just don't really like the fact that he is an adult and can make his own decisions; <strong>not only can they not tell him what to do anymore, his attention is more focused on you guys and the new unit he is creating (rightfully so) rather than on them? </strong> It's more of a disapproval of his adult choices, not necessarily you. And yes, kudos to your husband. 
    Posted by shortgirltx[/QUOTE]
    This.
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    edited December 2011
    The great thing about this is that he has shown you that he has got your back. When you have kids (If you want to , I don't know you) if they start to chime in with their opinions too much on how you should raise them  he's gonna step in ! They will come around they have no other choice now that he has drawn the line in the sand himself.
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    courtski2004courtski2004 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Bobbieleigh, I am so sorry to hear about this latest development. For Matt's sake, I hope they can halt their selfishness long enough to see how their actions have impacted much more than just you. They are damaging their relationship with him forever if they don't shape up and admit their fault here. It floors me that people can make such hasty decisions when it comes to cutting someone out of their life...which it seems they have done--maybe without even realizing it.
    I am like you in terms of taking it all to heart--but since you cannot reason with a fool, you shouldn't take what they've decided to blow out of proportion personally (even though you will for a while--but that is because you're human!). ICE is a great idea to help get your mind off things! Matt is very lucky to have you!!! It is a shame that his family doesn't see that now--but they WILL!!

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    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry you're going through this Bobbileigh! PP have said it all. I hope y'all can relax now & focus on each other!
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you all for your kind words.  Today was a very rough day for me at work and very busy so when I felt like tearing up I just had to refer back to what you guys were saying or text FI.  Tonight we will just spend some cuddle time and try to continue to move on.  This board is really an amazing place not just for wedding advice but for really amazing women who lend support when needed or a truthful opinion when needed.  Thank you all.
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry I'm late on this, but I am so sorry you are going through this.  I have plenty of future IL issues myself, so I can sympathize.  Hugs and enjoy Matt's birthday to it's fullest!!!
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