Rehearsal Dinner + Out of Town Guests

LaPiccolina

So I know everyone has asked some iteration of this, but I really don't know who to invite to our rehearsal dinner. We're having a small wedding (around 80ish people) which will end up being a destination wedding of sorts considering 95% of the guest list is from out of town. Of those coming to the wedding, 80% is all family members with handful of close friends and their guests. All family is from out of town... MIL thinks we need to invite all out of town guest to the RD, but then it will end up being basially a mini-reception.

Part of me wants me to keep it to the immediate family and wedding party, but then another part of me says they're family and they're here from out of town, so they should come! What do you guys think? Invite them all?! It seriously would end up being the everyone coming to the wedding since everyone is traveling for it. Feels like a bit much, but if MIL is paying then let her have what she wants?

pinkqt1183

My DW is in Mexico - I'm inviting everyone to the RD. It's going to be much more casual and different than the reception. I'm making mine an optional no pressure thing - just in case the guests want a night to relax in their mini vaca spot. Or they feel weird coming!

I think if your MIL wants it and it's not a big deal to you, then go for it. Party it up!

HappinessByTheKilowatt

We are also having a DW which is mostly family. About 125 people. We are inviting only the parents, grandparents, and wedding party to the rehearsal, but we are doing it earlier in the evening so that we can spend time with our other guests.

MairePoppy

If your fmil is paying and hosting, she gets to decide on the guest list. Your fmil is very generous.

jerseydevil

I'm having a similar battle with my FILs. But I'm also not paying, so I'm just giving them my guest list and they can do what they wish with theirs.

hlq2011

My FMIL at first said that they should invite all the OOT guests to the RD, and when I said, "Oh, we'd never do that," she replied, "You're not the one hosting."

However, when she realized that I said that because it would be upwards of 90 people, I think she understood.  Does your FMIL realize how many people are OOT guests?  I'd tell her, and then let her decide.  If she's hosting, it's really up to her.

jerseydevil

Definitely have an open discussion with her about expectations since they seem to swing from one extreme to the other.

LaPiccolina

Well I told her today what the extremes were and we'll see what she says. I'm leaning toward the side of inviting everyone since they've made the effort to travel, but that will definitely add up in costs so I will leave it up to her. Thanks for your advice!

badcorebubbles

I have almost this exact same issue, although only my side of the family will be from OOT and at least half the guest list are friends, but we are having 80ish guests total. My other problem is that I have no idea when our actual rehearsal will take place - the venue is very unique (it's a private estate) and we may not be able to rehearse the day before due to other events taking place... it may be another Saturday morning a week or two before the wedding. So is it weird to have the rehearsal dinner the Friday night before our wedding? I really don't like the idea of inviting our whole guest list to the RD (or whatever pre-wedding dinner we decide to do) even if the FIL are paying, because whatever they are paying will come out of what they are willing to give us for the honeymoon. I know that sounds selfish of me but I just don't know how important the RD would be to people?? We were thinking of doing a brunch for the OOTers on Sunday... I would love some more input on all of this!!!