HELP! Need suggestions: MIL is requesting shower/pre-wedding reception for destination wedding...

seedlessmango

My fiance and I grew up in different cities, and are currently living in different cities, and for our wedding we decided to have a destination wedding (better to inconvenience all then a few, right? Lol). When looking at the guest list my fiance has a large family on his father's side, and my future mother-in-law is pretty sure that most all of them will not make it due to travel expenses. So she has asked me if she can host a reception-type get together for anyone from their home town that will not be able to make it to the wedding.

I graduate from grad school two weeks before the wedding, and start work 2 weeks after the wedding and honeymoon. We are also moving to a new city in this month, so my fiance and I feel very strongly that there is no time immediately before or after to have this reception-type gathering therefore the options are a shower a couple months before or a 2nd reception a couple months after.

What do you girls think?? Of note: we are not having any engagement parties or wedding showers because we are in different cities (I study and he works). So a shower might be alternative, but my mother-in-law keeps implying that she wants those that don't make it to the wedding to treat this as their celebration of our wedding and she wants to stress the importance of honoring us and having presents. (In other words she is afraid people will blow off a "shower" and she wants wedding gifts from them.)

Thoughts? Suggestions??

Thanks!

MairePoppy

Your FMIL's focus on the gifts is very offensive.

If you want to have a party to celebrate your marriage with your loved ones, do it after the wedding. Of course, there should be no mention of gifts on the invitations.

If you have chosen to have a destination wedding, then there are some trade-offs that go along with that decision. One of those is, you shouldn't invite anyone to showers, unless they are invited to the wedding.

Kristin789

Ditto Maire.

And FYI, everyone who has hosted one of those "at home receptions" after a DW has been sorely disappointed with the low turnout.  Seems that even though FMIL wants to score some really great gifts for her son, the people who get the invitation to this gift-collection event think that if they aren't close enough to actually witness the wedding - which is the POINT - then they will just send a card.

seedlessmango

Thanks for your opinions ladies! I agree we would never invite someone to a shower without inviting them to the wedding; and we would never mention gifts on an invitation.

We are moving and starting new jobs right after the wedding so it wouldn't be as simple as getting home from the wedding and throwing a 2nd reception after we relax - we might have to wait a couple of months before we have the energy to travel back to my FI's home town and before we can request time off of work.

It might help to explain that we are calling our wedding a "destination wedding" because it is a destination for everyone except for my parents, we are getting married in their town. They moved to FL when I went off to college so having the wedding where they live isn't exactly my home town, and pretty much everyone is traveling into town. Hence, a destination wedding, but in every other way it is a traditional ceremony and reception. I think my FMIL wants to help by offering to host something in my FI's hometown so that his family-guests don't feel they have to travel as far -- which is fine with my parents because we both have big families and it helps manage the guest list. I've moved around a lot and my parents' family and friends are all spread out so I don't have an oportunity to have a gathering in one place other then the wedding.

Has anyone had a similiar situation? Or has suggestions on a way to celebrate in my FI's hometown before or after our wedding?

Muffin'sMom

Really, the only option is after.  My best friend in college ran off to Vegas to get married.  When she got back, they threw a "we're finally married!!" party.   She wore her dress, they had a cake, music, dancing, and BBQ.  It was fun.  I saw gifts come in the door, but not from everyone by any means.