Must we have a rehearsal dinner???

That Gal

Hi gals!

I am having a fairly expensive wedding since I am literally paying for it by myself.  Right now, FI has a mortgage, mom paid for my dress, hair, makeup and knows the photographer and dad gave me a small amount of $.  At the end of everything, I'm spending about $30k I think. EEEEK (but i dont regret it one bit!!) So basically, I'm wondering if we HAVE to have a RD.  My fiance and I really can't afford to pay for it at this point but we would never want to be tacky and ask people to pay for their own meals.  I would cook but we have a tiny one bedroom apt. and we have 8 rabbits and a fishtank! The venue is too far from both of our fam's houses for anyone to host, otherwise they probably would.

What should I do in this case? Is it okay to not have one? Thanks!

shugamegan

The rehearsal dinner if supposed to feed the people involved in the rehearsal of the ceremony.

Therefore, if you are AREN'T rehearsing, no need for a dinner but, if you are, it's polite to provide some food afterwards to the people involved.

Also, a RD doesn't have to be fancy; it can easily be pizza or  chinese take out.

Summer2011Bride

If you have a rehearsal, I think you should host something after, since the point of the RD is a thank you to all the people that gave up their time for the rehearsal. This could be ordering in pizzas or having a cookout. It doesn't have to match the formality of the wedding. Or if you really can't have one, then you shouldn't have a rehearsal.

Summer2011Bride

Also, FWIW, I'd be a little put off if I came to your rehearsal and you hosted nothing afterwards when you could throw a fairly elaborate affair the next day for $30,000.

That Gal

Thanks.  I understand that if we are rehearsing, its nice to feed them.  But on the other hand, I was able to afford an expensive affair because I saved for it and just had enough $ and wanted to include everyone and give them the best, because that's what would make myself and FI happy.  I wouldn't want to feel guilty because I didn't feed them pizza at the end of a 20 minute rehearsal.  I guess its up to us in the end. 

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_must-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:9dabb8e9-8c01-470d-84bb-f133faa748e5Post:ffe1a565-326d-45aa-bfe6-8c35c805ac67">Re: Must we have a rehearsal dinner???</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks.  I understand that if we are rehearsing, its nice to feed them.  But on the other hand, I was able to afford an expensive affair because I saved for it and just had enough $ and wanted to include everyone and give them the best, because that's what would make myself and FI happy.  I wouldn't want to feel guilty because I didn't feed them pizza at the end of a 20 minute rehearsal.  I guess its up to us in the end. 
Posted by That Gal[/QUOTE]

I still think it's nice to host something. Usually rehearsals don't just last twenty minutes, esp with people inevitably running late. So I'm taking time out of my day to come to a rehearsal that, let's be honest, probalby isn't SUPER exciting b/c rehearsals generally aren't (none of them, not just yours), and then I don't even get so much as a brownie for it. I'd be a little peeved. It's nice you're able to pull out all the stops for the wedding, but this is also asking something of your guests and I think hosting something afterward is necessary. If you feel like you don't need a rehearsal at all, then you don't have to worry about it.

That Gal

Thanks! Maybe we just won't have a rehearsal then. I appreciate the help

shugamegan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_must-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:9dabb8e9-8c01-470d-84bb-f133faa748e5Post:ffe1a565-326d-45aa-bfe6-8c35c805ac67">Re: Must we have a rehearsal dinner???</a>:
[QUOTE].  I wouldn't want to feel guilty because I didn't feed them pizza at the end of a 20 minute rehearsal.  <strong>I guess its up to us in the end</strong>. 
Posted by That Gal[/QUOTE]

You wanted to know if you should or shouldn't have the dinner, and an answer was given. If it wasn't the one you were looking for, I'm sorry but, the answers given pertaining to the question if you should or should not are correct.

 To forewarn you, if you are looking for justification of your decisions on any of The Knot boards, it just isn't going to happen especially if you give attitude after given advice you don't like. I'd steer clear of the etiquette board too.

banana468

If you don't have a rehearsal then there's no need for the RD.

But if you do rehearse then you need to feed your guests.  Period.

That Gal

Thank you

AdeleDazeem

Rehearsal dinners don't have to be elaborate.  Freeze some lasagnas over the next few weeks, warm them up that day, bring some salad, bread, and soda to the park = rehearsal dinner.

It's about thanking those involved in the rehearsal. 

I understand that you scrimped and saved for your wedding, but the rehearsal dinner (if you're having a rehearsal) is 100% also part of the wedding.

peanutty2

If you have a rehearsal you must feed people afterwards.  No way out of that.  If m"m going out of my way to rehearse for your wedding, you need to at least provide food.  It doesn't have to be fancy either.

But if you wanted me to rehearse, and then didn't host a dinner.. but had a 30K wedding the next day... yea I'd be mad... that should of been included in the wedding planning/budget from the beginning. 

That Gal

Thank you for the ideas

SuMmErKuTiE

The pp's gave great advice.

I just wanted to add that honestly I've always had the best times at RD's that were more laid back and at someone's home or in their backyard. Our RD was a backyard Caribbean bbq and we enjoyed it a lot more than if we had gone to an expensive restaurant. We rehearsed in the backyard, and then after we ate chicken, ribs, shrimp, various salds, corn bread, etc.. there was also rum punch and various fruity cocktails and beer and wine served. So much less stress and much more relaxed to hang out in the backyard and relax with our friends and family before the big day.

If you or your WP feels you should rehearse, just order a bunch of pizzas, maybe a 6 foot sub sandwich, have someone heat up a bunch of lasagnas, etc.. or have a backyard BBQ. It doesn't have to be ellaborate, it just has to be something if your'e going to rehearse. HTH!

That Gal

That sounds fun thanks for the advice !

That Gal

Ok, cool I like the idea of just having pizzas and kicking back!

[Deleted User]

Rehaearsal dinners are also for the out-of-town guests as a courtesy for them coming out of their way for your wedding.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_must-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:9dabb8e9-8c01-470d-84bb-f133faa748e5Post:75ab7930-49a7-421c-b45d-608be58ce698">Re: Must we have a rehearsal dinner???</a>:
[QUOTE]Rehaearsal dinners are also for the out-of-town guests as a courtesy for them coming out of their way for your wedding.
Posted by JordanF13[/QUOTE]

That's an option - you don't HAVE to do it and it's not rude if you don't invite them.