FMIL wants to be at Bachelorette Party!

sdennny22

I need some good advice. My FMIL has it in her head that she wants to be part of the bachelorette party. I thought I had already made it clear to her that the party would be just me and my girls, but now she is suggesting that she throw a separate party for her and her friends. I feel that she is using me as an excuse to go out. I like my FMIL and her friends, but I don't really want to have 2 parties and I refuse to invite them to my actual bachelorette party. If I ask to invite friends to my FMIL's party, I feel it defeats the purpose and she will just think that at that point she and her friends might as well come to the regular party. Am I just being a b*tch? I'm also concerned the effect this will have on my mom who is recovering from a battle with Breast Cancer and has not been able to help out as she would like due to having lost her job the week before being diagnosed. I don't want her to be upset that she can't do things like this for me and his mom can.

SN: My FMIL and her friends are in their mid to late 30s and early 40s.

MairePoppy

I was going to say there is no harm in allowing her to throw a second, separate party with her friends. You shouldn't invite your friends to it, though, because they are already attending one BP for you.

But your situation with your mom changes things, doesn't it? You should explain to her that your mom is not able to participate in as many things as she would like. Creating another event that can't attend will only make it worse. Thank her for her sensitivity.

You could also suggest a quiet spa day for you, your mom and your fmil, if you think that your mom might enjoy that.

blankslate25

I wouldn't invite anyone other than my girlfriends, especially not my FMIL. Don't send her an invitation to the bachelorette and she won't be there. If she asks about it, tell her your MOH/whoever is in charge of all the planning and you're not sure of the details. Ambiguity can be your friend. Can you appease her by getting her help with other areas of the wedding so she feels included/involved?

LoveMuffins

I like MairePoppy's wording. Good luck!

sdennny22

Thanks for all the help! I think I'm just going to bite the bullet and go ahead and go to the separate BP my FMIL wants to have. I will invite my mom as she sure could use a night out.

MairePoppy- I love the idea of a spa day with my FMIL and mom. I might do that too!

blankslate - I wish that would work. I already tried that route and her reaction was to plan a separate party. She is extremely involved as she is paying for the majority of the wedding. I guess I'll avoid stepping on her toes and let her do what she wants.

musicxstore

Last summer, I went to a BP where the bride's mother, aunt, grandmother, and FMIL were there... It seemed a bit strange to me at first, but it ended up being okay.

jemmini6

My cousin did a 'tiered' bachelorette party that actually worked out well.  Her mom, my mom, some of her mom's friends etc all attended the dinner portion that was at a restaurant similar to a Dave & Busters (there were games, a bar, etc).  Then after dinner, the bride and her 'girls' went to a different bar by themselves and the older ladies stayed and had a few more drinks with themselves.  It seemed like a good compromise to have everyone involved, but still gave the bride the opportunity to go out with just her friends.