Pre-wedding Parties
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Am I turning into a bridezilla????

Okay, I need help here... I need to know if I am getting upset over nothing or if my feelings are valid.  Long story short my FI's out of town cousin asked to invite her Mom to the bach. party which meant inviting my FMIL and FI's grandmother.  So, this weekend I asked them if they would like to come, they then asked me what day it was taking place on I told them Friday before the wedding, we are getting married on Sunday.  My FMIL said "Oh I can't go, that is the day of the family reunion" I am sorry, family reunion??? Then she acted as if I was crazy for not knowing that she planned a family reunion two days before our wedding.  I looked at my FI he had no idea she planned this either.  I couldn't believe it, I mean all of the out of town guests that are coming in for the WEDDING will be at the reception..... what is the purpose of the family reunion?  Is it because she feels the need to be the center of attention and that will not be the case at our wedding?  Not to mention my FI has to work on Friday and that night is his bach. party too, so how important is it for her own son to be there??? Am I totally turning into a bridezilla for being extremely upset about this??  How would you react?

Re: Am I turning into a bridezilla????

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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm not entirely sure why you're so upset. Is she expecting you to attend the family reunion?

    I don't see a problem with having the reunion a couple days before the wedding. It doesn't sound like it's interfering with your plans, besides the bach party (but you didn't originally invite FMIL to that either).

    I agree it would be nice if you and your FI could attend the reunion, but you do have plans then. I don't see any harm in your FMIL having a get-together with family that she may not see that often. It gives the OOT guests something to do that night as well.

    Exactly what is the problem with having a reunion a few days before the wedding?
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    edited December 2011
    I don't see anything wrong with your FMIL wanting to host her oot relatives that are comming in early for your wedding. In fact, I think it really nice of her, as long as she doesn't expect you to change your plans. If they don't get to see each other often, this is a chance for them to spend a little extra time together.

    Maybe the aunt (and older ladies) will decide to go to the family reunion and all the younger women can attend the bachelorette. Wouldn't that work our better for you?
                       
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    reilsreils member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I think it is nice of her to host something for all of the OOT guests. All of our guests are going to be OOT and I wish we had other gatherings/events planned for our guests. I do however think it is very weird that neither you or FI knew anything about it.

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    jessshireyjessshirey member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes, you are turning into a bridezilla!
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    kjreedkjreed member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for checking me back into reality, only one month left and my first (hopefully last) bridezilla thought...... I think I have done pretty good so far LOL!!!
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    edited December 2011
    Good!  Because if SHE is entertaining them that means no one will be bothering YOU to do it!  Don't look a gift horse in the mouth  Wink
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    edited December 2011
    kj- glad we were able to talk you off the ledge : )
                       
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    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't call you a bridezilla just yet!

    I don't think it's a big deal that the family is getting together before the wedding (something similar is happening with mine) and it works out for you because the people you originally didnt care to invite arent going to go. win-win! I'm guessing it was more of the shock that you werent even aware of it, it would have been nice for them to fill you in :)
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    edited December 2011
    I think that she didn't give you or FI any notice therefore you both have bach planned for you, therefore you can't break plans, so she can expect to NOT see you at the reunion.  So weird to plan a big family event like that RIGHT before the wedding, when a lot of last minute wedding things are going on.

    Also, you don't have to invite cousins mother to the bach - that is up the the person plannig the bach,

    People can't just invite themselves or push that they want to be invited.

    That's tough cookies for them
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    edited December 2011
    Kind of tacky/redundant of her to call it a "family reunion" since everyone will be reuniting at the wedding...but whatever, it is nice to give the OOTers something to do. I might be a little annoyed too, but as long as she isn't forcing you to go, just let it slide.
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_am-turning-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:a431cef8-3607-481b-ba2e-24d707633783Post:65c35f4e-a369-4602-baea-abd09e3aa9c0">Re: Am I turning into a bridezilla????</a>:
    [QUOTE]Kind of tacky/redundant of her to call it a "family reunion" since everyone will be reuniting at the wedding...
    Posted by aep8687[/QUOTE]

    How is it tacky or redundant? The purpose of a "family reunion" is for extended family to socialize with each other. The purpose of a wedding is to witness a couple's marriage, which may or may not include "reuniting" among some family members to an extent.

    I think more offense would be taken if someone kept calling a wedding a reception the "family reunion" instead of the wedding.
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    edited December 2011
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    ecuchikaecuchika member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think its a little weird that this is news to you this close to the wedding.  But I don't see an immediate problem so far.  Like pp said this gives the aunt and grandmother something to do other than your bach party. 

    Now the only thing I would be ticked off at would be if she is planning on using your wedding space/tents/caterer/tables/linens/decor that you or your family paid for and not offer a penny towards the cost (or invite them) and have the family reunion there.  That happened to my cuz and her family.  Not a good way to start off as the In-Laws!

    But if she is taking care of the costs and its not affecting you then I'd be happy.
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    bnfitz07bnfitz07 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have a similar somewhat related question ladies. I am in the center of family drama now...Do I have a groomzilla on my hands?

    My younger (18yr old) SIL met a boy back in June and has now decided she wants to get married to him. However, the day she chose is the day after ours. This is to honor their foster brother who died on that day when she was 4 and my H was 12.

    I know it is customary to ask family members about the date I chose before setting it in stone, however, since her decision to get married came so quickly- I really had no way of knowing this was the day she would chose. My invitations were printed before she even met this boy.

    Annyway, hubby is upset because he thinks his family will not want to go to two wedding in one weekend and he's concerned his grandfather will not be healthy enough to leave the nursing home for the whole weekend (he is in a wheelchair due to past seizures). I also think he is secretly offended that she chose this day to honor their brother when, as he says "she barely knew him" and hubby was in fact very close to him. I think he had the idea that HE was honoring their brother holding our wedding on the weekend of his brothers death. We have also spent A LOT of money to hold our wedding near his family for the specific reason of having his grandparent (none of which can travel) at the wedding (wedding is in Maine where his family is from- We live in Oklahoma and my family live in Ohio) SIL was supposed to be a bridesmaid, but now my hubby wants to "uninvite" her. He is currently deployed and therefore I am the one handling this situation and by default, catching all the drama.

    In his sister's defense, this is technically our "vow renewal" (we eloped!, so its actually our first wedding but we're already married) so she doesn't think it should matter. I somewhat see her point, but I am also offended that she's desperately defending HER right to have a wedding and telling me I'm already married so I don't deserve a "real wedding." She is refusing to change her date, which I respect, but I also respect my hubby's feelings and I think he would be really hurt if his grandfather didn't come to our wedding and instead went to hers...

    Sorry this post is so long and possibly unrelated to the OP but it reminded me of my situation and everyone seems pretty honest, so I was hoping to get some good advice.
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